


After I Took His Hand

by Piano



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: AU, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, Zack Fair & Cloud Strife Friendship, current time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 51,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1705613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piano/pseuds/Piano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cloud moved to a new town nestled in the mountains, he didn't expect to befriend a boy so different from him in almost every way, yet so easy to get along with. As the years pass and his feelings of friendship and admiration morph into something stronger, Cloud desperately tries to keep them in check.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for the FFVII fandom, with a fanfiction AU idea that's been on my mind for a long time. I absolutely love Cloud and Zack and love them together. Thank god there's fanfiction that can be written that'll let them be happy.

“Now come on Zack, it’s rude if you don’t come along to meet our new neighbors.”

“Aw, come on!”

Tall for his young age of eight, Zack Fair was still no match for his mother, who towered over him with a glower and her arms crossed.

“I was just gonna go play out back, Mom, plus Dad isn’t going!”

Zack’s mother narrowed her eyes, giving her son a stare he immediately shrunk back from as she lightly tugged at his ear. “You know your father’s at work! Now, stop making excuses. Besides,” she added, “I hear that they have a son that’s your age”.

At that, Zack immediately perked up and rushed to grab his shoes. “Jeeze, Mom! Why didn’t you say that earlier? Come on come on come on! Jeeze!” His mother couldn’t help but look slightly amused at the way he tugged at her arm in a complete attitude reversal. Though that was to be expected, she thought, that someone as high-energy and playful as her son would be excited to finally have a playmate close by. After all, a ten minute walk down the wooded road was nothing compared to a twenty minute or thirty minute drive into town.

Zack’s mother had to keep calling after her son as they went, reminding him that she didn’t have the energy to run after an eight year old. “Now remember your manners” she muttered, Zack bouncing on his heels as she rang the doorbell. After a minute or so, a woman with blonde hair and shorter than Zack’s own mother answered the door. “Yes, hello?” Her voice was a bit softer than his mother’s as well, Zack noticed.

“Hello! Ms. Strife?” Zack’s mother smiled as she quickly reached down to grab the back of her son’s shirt before he could run into the house. “We just came to wish you welcome to the neighborhood.”

“Oh…Oh yes! You must be…the Fairs from down the road?” She smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry you’ve caught me when I’m so frazzled, the movers just finished bringing in the boxes so the house is still a bit of a mess…”

“Oh don’t worry at all! I understand it must be stressful- Zack, behave!” She sighed in exasperation, pulling her son back as he tried to peek around Ms. Strife into the house, obviously for any sight of the mysterious boy within. “I’m so sorry, Zack’s just so excited...”

“Oh, I don’t mind.” She smiled down at Zack. “You can go inside and say hello if you want. Cloud’s upstairs in his room” 

“Really?!” Zack grinned excitedly and quickly loosed himself from his mother’s grip as they both walked inside the living room. 

Zack zoomed around boxes and up the stairs, barely paying attention to the rest of the conversation that floated from the room. “I’m sure Cloud will be happy to have someone to play with. He hasn’t really been taking it well, the situation with his father and the move…”

“Well, he’s a handful and sometimes I wish he’d use his head more often, but Zack’s a good boy…”

In a flash, Zack was up the stairs, skidding to a stop to prevent a sudden crash with a stack of boxes. “Whew, that was close.” 

He glanced around until he spotted a door slightly ajar, light streaming out into the hallway. With an excited grin he ran over, remembering at least to knock before he entered. “Hey, hey new neighbor!” He called excitedly. After deciding that two seconds was too long to wait, he pulled the door open and bounded inside.

Cloud, on the other hand, had been spending most of his time holed up in his room since he and his mother had arrived. He didn’t expect his experiences in this new town to be any different than the ones he had just left, which was probably why he thought of meeting the other people in the area with a sense of dread. His mom had mentioned something about a family down the road with a son, a thought that made Cloud cringe.

_Hopefully he’ll just ignore me. It would be hard for him to bother me too much if he has to walk all the way here, right?_

So the last thing he expected while lying on his bed, staring outside the window, was to suddenly be snapped out his daydreams by a boisterous voice and knock on the door. “What…” He turned on his side just in time to see a slightly taller boy with spikey black hair practically leap onto the bed, landing with bright blue eyes a few inches from his own.

With a cry of surprise Cloud jumped back, nearly falling to the ground in the process. “Ah! Sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean to scare ya there!” The boy swung his feet over the side of the bed, swinging them idly as he grinned widely. “You okay? My name’s Zack! We’re neighbors! Ah, but I guess we don’t live right next to each other…But ten minutes is easy to walk! It’s definitely not too far. What’s your name? Oh wait! Your mom mentioned it, hold on…

The sentences all came tumbling out at once and Cloud barely had time to register what was being said as he stared at him, utterly stupefied. “Uh…”

“Started with, what it was, what was it…Oh yeah!” He shouted so suddenly that Cloud jumped again in surprise. “Cloud! Right? It’s Cloud?” He turned his face towards the blonde boy, smiling expectantly.

After a few seconds Cloud realized that the question was directed at him. “Oh…yeah. It’s Cloud” He nearly bit his tongue the moment the words left his mouth and braced himself for ritual mocking of his name.

Instead, Zack leaned forward even more and Cloud could swear his eyes were actually shining in excitement. “Really?! Like clouds in the sky? Ah, so cool~! So I could say ‘Look, a cloud, Cloud!’” He laughed, leaning back on his hands slightly. “I’ve never met anyone named Cloud! My name’s not as exciting though…There’s gotta be at least twenty other people out there named Zack.”

“Twenty?” Cloud blinked. “No, you’re the first one I’ve met.”

“Really?! Then I’ll make a great impression!” 

Cloud was beginning to wonder if that smile was ever going to leave the dark haired boy’s face. Strangely though, he didn’t exactly find it annoying. Instead, the more that he talked to this boy, the lighter he began to feel. Without meaning to, a ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he replied.

“You seem pretty sure about that”

Zack laughed brightly and Cloud felt a flash of relief that he hadn’t offended him. “Of course! Haven’t I already started making a good one? You even smiled!” 

Cloud flushed at that, glancing to the side. “I…”

“Hey, don’t get embarrassed! Smiling means you’re happy right? It’s a good thing!”

“I dunno.” Cloud looked down at his feet, his voice quieting slightly. “I dunno if I have a reason to be happy right now. I mean…” He trailed off. 

_Great, now he’ll just think I’m whiny_ he thought with a sigh. When he glanced over at Zack, however, his eyes widened in surprise when he saw the other boy with his head tilted, listening curiously.

“You mean what?” Zack probed, watching Cloud’s face carefully. “You not happy about moving here?”

Cloud nodded despite himself. “Yeah…”

“How come?”

“Well…” He trailed off again. Talking about his inner thoughts and feelings out loud had always made Cloud uncomfortable, especially when doing so in front of a person he’d only just met. “I just…I guess I don’t know. What’s going to happen…” Cloud began tracing light, invisible patterns on the bed sheet. “It’s just scary, I guess. Not knowing what it’s like here…or knowing anybody.” His voice had softened to just barely above a whisper so that Zack had to lean in to hear him.

After a few seconds of silence, Zack’s brash voice pulled Cloud from his thoughts for a second time. “That’s not true though!” Blinking in confusion, Cloud looked up at the other boy, whose face went from slightly serious to smiling gently. “You know me, right?” He grinned. “I’ll show you all the things you need to know, so you don’t have to worry about not knowing! Since, well, that’s what friends do, right?”

Cloud felt as if he couldn’t breathe for a moment, that if he breathed or blinked or did anything what Zack said would disappear as if it was never there at all.

“….What?”

Zack blinked. “What what?”

“I mean, we’re-?“ Cloud tried to get the words out but they seemed to be stuck in his throat.

“Friends?” Zack finished his sentence with ease, nodding with a smile. “Of course! Well, as long as you wanna be, of course.” He scratched his cheek, looking slightly abashed.

For the second time that day, Cloud felt a tug at the corners of his mouth and, for the first time, he thought that he might try smiling a little more if he could see the other boy’s eyes shine and face brighten in response.

“Zack?” His mother called out from the hall as Mrs. Strife opened the door with a cautious smile. “Come on, it’s time to go. We need to give them time to settle in.” She added the last part quickly, before Zack had time to make an argument.

“Ah jeeze…” he rubbed the back of his head, pouting. “Guess I have to” He hopped off the bed and then, with an energy that Cloud still found fascinating, spun around to run backwards out the door. “See you tomorrow!”

The door closed soon after him and the sound of Mrs. Fair ushering her son out the front door soon followed.

“Well, he certainly had a lot of energy.” Cloud’s mother looked to him, smiling gently. “Did you two get along in here?”

Cloud replied with a quiet nod, leaning his head back against the pillows again. He turned his eyes to the window once more, staring out of it.  
Sensing her cue to exit, his mother sighed lightly before heading back out the door. She was stopped just as she was about to shut the door by the quiet sound of her son’s voice. “He said ‘See you tomorrow’” Round blue eyes turned to face her own and for the first time in at least a year she saw hope exuding behind them. “Does that mean he’ll come back here?”

With a light smile she nodded before closing the door. “If that’s what he said.”

The next morning, a groggy Cloud was sitting at the breakfast table, eating toast off of the recently-unpacked plates when there was a quick knock at the door. “Now who could that be this early?” his mother wondered, slowly rising to answer the door.

“Morning, Mrs. Strife!” Cloud could practically feel his ears perk up at the familiar voice. “Uh, my mom wanted me to make sure you didn’t need Cloud’s help or anything before I asked, so can Cloud come out?”

Mrs. Strife laughed lightly, stepping back to let the spikey-haired boy run in. “No, that’s fine, Zack.”

“Hey, Cloud!” Zack practically jumped into the chair next to him, leaning his elbows on the table that Cloud knew was supposed to be bad table manners. “You’re still eating? You almost done?” Cloud blinked, looking down at his half-eaten breakfast before stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth. “Almost.”

Zack laughed at that, slapping Cloud’s shoulder and almost making him choke. “You don’t have to stuff it down! But if you’re done…” He grinned, hopping down from the chair. “Then time to go!”

“Go?” Cloud questioned, sliding down off of his own chair.

“Yeah.” Zack replied with a nod before holding his hand out. “Let’s go play, Cloud!”

For a moment Cloud hesitated, wondering why he felt the need to go with this boy who he barely understood or knew. But the feeling of grabbing the other boy’s hand and the comfort of how their fingers fit together seemed to erase all his worries as he was pulled out the door and down the road by Zack, laughing in a way he couldn’t help but find contagious.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later.

It had been one year since Cloud had moved in to the neighborhood. During that time, Zack and Cloud grew closer and by the next summer were rarely seen without each other. Despite the slight protest from his mother, Zack had begun a routine of going straight to Cloud’s house right after breakfast to head out to play or to school, depending on the season. He probably would have gone over even before then to eat breakfast with his friend if his mother hadn’t given him a lecture about “taking advantages of Ms. Strife’s kindness”.

When Zack walked in the door that morning (he had stopped knocking at that point), Cloud could tell that he was planning something.

“Morning, Cloud! Where’s your mom?” Zack said, taking a seat next to his friend.

“She had to go into work early.” Cloud replied after swallowing a bite of cereal.

“Seriously?! She trusted you all by yourself?” He gasped in disbelief before folding his arms in a slight pout. “My mom still says a need a baby sitter if I’m gonna be by myself.”

“Well she knows you’re going to come over almost right after she leaves anyway, so she said it would be fine…” he glanced to his friend, who was beginning to get a cocky twinkle in his eye. “…For some reason” he added, taking a final bite of cereal.

“Aw come on! Cloud!” Zack’s expression was indignant, but his tone of voice completely lacked any anger or malice. “I’m super responsible. I’m turning 10 before you, after all.” 

Cloud gave his friend a flat look, which he promptly ignored. “And?”

“And! And…!” Zack flailed slightly as he tried and failed to come up with a comeback, completely unable to break through Cloud’s poker face. “Anyway!” he put his hands on his hips, signifying that he was finally done arguing. “Let’s go, already!” Grinning, he grabbed Cloud’s hand to tug him away from the table and towards the door. “I wanna tell you about my idea.”

Cloud didn’t try to get a word in edgewise as they walked through the tall forest that lined the edge of both of their houses, preferring to listen to the other boy’s excited chatter.

“…So I decided that we should try and build a treehouse too! I mean, there are plenty of trees around and of course there’s gotta be a perfect one that we can use. I even asked my Dad and he said he would help, since I’m kinda not allowed to use the power tools yet, but I still think that’s unfair since I’ve totally been able to use that power drill before and- Aha!” Zack stopped so suddenly that Cloud bumped into him and probably would have fallen over if Zack hadn’t immediately grabbed his arm to steady him. “This is it, Cloud!” Zack grinned and Cloud followed his glance towards what had to be the tallest tree in the area.

He blinked a few times, trying to understand what Zack was telling him. “This?”  
Zack nodded enthusiastically. “Yup! This is a pretty tall one, right? It’s perfect!” He looked up towards the very top, shading his eyes from the brightness of the sun as he did so. “How long do you think it would take to get to the top?” 

Cloud frowned, wringing the bottom of his t-shirt as he took into account the height and instability of the branches and the warning his mother had given him about climbing trees deeper in the forest. “I dunno, Zack…” He shot a glance at his friend before lowering his eyes towards the ground. “Mom said not to climb stuff this high. It doesn’t really look…” Whatever he said next Zack didn’t quite catch, as the shorter boy mumbled the rest of his sentence, but he had heard enough to throw Cloud a huge pout.

“Aw Cloud, come on. It’s not bad!” With a tug on his laces to make sure his shoes were on tight, he walked up to the trunk and eagerly set to the task of climbing. “Come on, how ‘bout I go first? It’ll be fine!” Shooting the other a grin, he nimbly began to scale upwards. “Just watch this!”

“Z-Zack!” Cloud shouted, clenching the bottom fabric of his shirt tighter the higher the other boy went. “Wait a second! Zack!”

It wasn’t obvious whether Zack couldn’t hear Cloud or was just ignoring him but he continued climbing regardless. He kept going higher and higher, completely reckless with his footing as got farther from the ground. Finally, he seemed satisfied with the heights he had climbed and stopped to look down. 

“See, Cloud?” He grinned, reaching a hand up to the branch above him. “It’s perfectly…”

Cloud barely had time to shout in surprise as the branch Zack was standing on proved too flimsy to hold the weight of a young child. With a snap and yelp, Zack was now dangling precariously, having managed to fully grab the branch above him. Even so, it didn’t seem as if that would hold very long either.

“A-Ah…!” He gasped, desperately looking around for anything else he could grab onto.

“Zack!?” Cloud cried out. His legs had begun to feel numb and unsteady and as they began to tremble what seemed like a million thoughts began to rush through his head. Should he run back home and call someone? No, his mom wasn’t home and he wasn’t even sure of how to get back from where he was. Then to Zack’s house? But what if his parents were out? Would he even be able to get there from here? 

A loud creaking sound threw Cloud’s focus upwards, eyes widening in horror as he saw the branch Zack was dangling from began to bow. How could he even think of running back, when it seemed as if the branch was going to break any minute? And if Zack were to fall from that height, even if he didn’t land badly, he was probably going to die.

_Die?_

That last thought sticking in his head, Cloud took a deep breath and raised a shaking foot to the tree branch. He had to try something and he couldn’t stand around thinking about it. Shakily, but increasing speed as he got higher and higher, he climbed. He didn’t dare look down as he stopped for a second to catch his breath, nose nearly touching the wood of the trunk. Before he knew it, however, he was a few feet away from Zack, who was staring at him with widened eyes.

“C-Cloud” he started, but Cloud interrupted him sharply, trying and failing to keep his voice even. “Zack, j-…just…g-grab my hand!” he shouted, reaching trembling fingers towards the other boy as he held the branch in his other hand with a vice grip. Too late, he realized that he might end up falling along with Zack as he sat precariously on the branch. He tried to shove that thought to the back of his mind as Zack slowly lowered one hand, stretching and reaching towards him.

Zack strained, their fingertips nearly touching. “I’ve almost….got it…” He grunted, swinging more as the branch began to crack beneath his weight.

Cloud’s eyes widened, panic causing his throat to tighten as a hoarse “Zack!” ripped from his throat, finally clasping the other’s hand just as the branch holding his friend snapped. Both boys cried out; Zack in shock and Cloud in exertion as he just barely managed to keep himself from slipping off. He knew his limits and he knew he wasn’t strong enough to hold Zack up for long, so with a final burst of energy he used both hands pull Zack up, his legs flailing as he scrambled to safety.

Cloud wasn’t sure how long they both sat there in relative silence except for the sound of them both trying to catch their breaths. After a moment, though, they both decided that the best place to be after that whole ordeal would be on the ground, and began to slowly climb down. As he descended Cloud finally took a glance down and felt his heart skip a beat when he saw exactly how high they were.

Then everything began to hit him at once.

By the time their feet touched the ground, Cloud was a trembling mess, tears welling up in his eyes as he furiously tried to scrub them away with the back of his hand.

“Cloud…” Zack’s voice, softer than usual, started.

“I told you!” Cloud shouted suddenly, as tears began to roll down his face. “I told you it was too high, Zack! Why did you—“ he hiccupped, a wave of humiliation hitting him in addition to the mix of fear and relief. “Y-You c-could h-..h-ave died!”

This was completely pathetic.

No, _he_ was pathetic. Crying like this, still trembling from fear, all in front of a boy that was braver and older than him. He wouldn’t be surprised if Zack walked away at that moment, not wanting anything else to do with him.

At that thought he almost began to cry harder, but was stopped as he felt himself pulled into a tight embrace. Zack had his arms around him, one hand cradling the back of his head.

“I’m sorry, Cloud.” His voice sounded heavy with emotion, though unlike Cloud, he didn’t seem about to cry. “I’m really, really, really sorry. I won’t do something like that again…I promise. I promise I won’t! I’m sorry…”

Cloud inhaled sharply, trying to stop himself from crying anymore and getting Zack’s shirt wet. The other didn’t seem to mind, though, as he kept holding onto Cloud until he stopped, and even then seemed reluctant to let go.

After a few minutes, Cloud chanced a glance up at Zack. The other looked down as well, a softly genuine smile on his lips.

“Ready to go home?”

Cloud nodded, sniffling a little. “Yeah…”

“Ok. Let’s go, then.” Without hesitation he took Cloud’s hand tightly in his own, gently leading him back and out of the woods as the warmth of Zack’s embrace still lingered in Cloud's thoughts.


	3. The Middle School Years: Eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four years later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long between chapters, I'm pretty busy with school. I do have plans for where this fic is going though, so don't worry about abandonment :) Thanks for sticking with me.

“Where do you suppose Zack is? Cloud, you’re packed at least, right?” His mother called from downstairs. “You’re going to be late if you don’t leave soon!”

“I know, Mom, I know!” Cloud shouted, hopping around the room as he tried to pull his shoe on before rushing over to his desk to stuff his books in his backpack. Zack was usually over by now, so it had felt odd to have his things ready before hearing the older boy crash through the door. His mother was right, though and he didn't want to spend anymore of his 8th grade year in detention for being late.  
“Really, Cloud, you haven’t even eaten breakfast yet!” she sighed resignedly as Cloud jogged down the stairs, grabbing his coat off the rack.

Cloud wasn’t in the mood to try and argue and instead chose to stuff a breakfast pastry in his pocket and shuffle out the door with an “Okay, bye Mom!” before starting to jog down the driveway. He got to the intersection between his house and the wide country road before stopping suddenly. Cloud paused, looking both ways for any sign of a spiky black head. 

Still nothing.

He frowned, tapping the toe of his shoe to the ground.

“Jeeze, where is he?” Cloud sighed, more worried than exasperated this time. 

After thirty seconds, still no sign of Zack.

“Maybe he’s sick…?” Just as he was beginning to contemplate walking all the way to school by himself, he was interrupted from his depressed mood with a familiar shout.

“HEY! Cloud! Cloud…! Waitwaitwaitwait Cloooouuuuuud!” 

He couldn’t help but let a small smile form before giving Zack a flat stare as he ran up, doubled over for breath. “I heard you the first time, Zack.”

“I was…Ha…Whoo…just…” After a few more gulps of air he stood up straight with a grin. “Sorry!” He laughed a little as he reached into his backpack to pull out a soccer ball. “I was just practicing at home with this! But then Mom came up to my room and was all ‘Zack, you were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago!’ And then I was like ‘No way, Mom, I’ve still got time’ but then you know what?! My clock had stopped so I had just been standing there practicing tricks and stuff thinking I had all the time in the world!” He laughed brightly, bouncing the ball off his knee as they walked. “Then I had to sprint all the way over here. I was worried you were gonna leave without me.”

Cloud shook his head, smiling lightly. “No, I was waiting for you until Mom kicked me out too.”

“Definitely appreciate it- Ah, jeeze!” Zack groaned, clutching his stomach. “I totally forgot to grab something to eat too. I’m gonna starve to death before we get to lunch today.”

“Here.” Cloud replied, pulling the pastry out of his pocket to break in half, handing Zack one of the pieces. “We can share.”

“Eh? Really?!” Zack lit up and grabbed it, gleefully taking a rather large bite. “Thanks! You’re the best, Cloud" he chewed.

“But seriously, it’s November, why are you practicing with that?” He asked, pointing at the ball.

“Getting a head start of course! Look, I perfected this already.” Zack stopped, waiting until Cloud was looking before throwing the ball up into the air and bouncing it up again with his forehead. “I can do it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5….ow!” He winced as the ball hit in him the nose and rolled away mockingly. “That many times before getting hit in the face” Zack smiled, rubbing his nose.

“That’s pretty impressive you learned how to do it by yourself.” Cloud replied as he bent down to pick up the ball. “When tryouts start in the spring you’ll probably be more than ready”

Zack grinned proudly at the compliment. “Why don’t you join up with me, Cloud? It’ll be really fun to be on the team together!”

Cloud fiddled with the ball in his hands, spinning it around a few times. “No…” He shook his head as he handed the ball back to Zack. “I don’t think so. I probably wouldn’t be very good.”

Zack frowned, though it was honestly more akin to a pout. “Aw come on, Cloud! You can’t know something like that before you even try!”

Zack tucked he ball back in his bag before they began to walk again. “It’s gonna be so lame without you there, seriously. If you’re really worried about it you can just practice with me in the backyard.” He looked at Cloud hopefully. “Okay? Come on, Cloud...Please?”

And there was the puppy dog face.

Cloud looked at him for a few moments silently then finally let out a long sigh. “….Okay…”

“Yes!” Zack gave a little fist pump before grabbing Cloud in a playful headlock and ruffling his hair. “I knew you couldn’t just say no! This is gonna be awesome! Me and Cloud, stars of the team!”

“H-Hey! Zack!” Cloud nearly stumbled over as tried to wiggle out of his grasp. “Let go! Hey!” Once free, he began to jog up the hill towards their school. “We’re seriously gonna be late, hurry up!”

“Hey!” Zack laughed, tripping a little before running after him. “Wait for me, jerk!”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And so when you divide the answer ‘a’ by these two variables, then…”

Cloud barely stifled a yawn as he struggled to pay attention. He was actually pretty good with math but their long-winded middle aged teacher usually droned on so long that even he would find himself daydreaming or nearly falling asleep. He snuck a glance at Zack, who was sitting next to him. And as usual he was staring out the window, tapping his pencil idly against his notebook to keep himself awake.

 _If anything he’s the one that needs to try paying attention more._ Cloud thought dully before turning his attention back to his notes. The teacher was just repeating the same point over and over again with examples so he began to doodle in his notebook, allowing his mind to wander.

First a circle then…well maybe…He glanced around quickly to make sure that no one was looking before continuing. A drawing of himself, maybe in some alternate future…Of course he’d be taller, stronger looking. Maybe even a hero? Cloud began to sketch out a large sword on the imaginary-him’s back. Yeah, it’d definitely have to be at least as big as-

“Mr. Strife!”

Cloud snapped back up into reality, reflexively shifting his hand over his drawing as he quickly looked up at the teacher. He saw Zack giving him a slightly surprised, concerned expression out of the corner of his eye.

“I- Sorry, what?”

The teacher narrowed his eyes. “I asked what you thought the answer was, Mr. Strife. Did you not hear me the first time?” He heard some whispering around him, the sounds of students excited to see someone else get in trouble.

Cloud looked at the problem that was being pointed at on the board and realized he had no idea what was going on. How long had he been daydreaming, anyway? 

Vaguely he saw Zack trying to gesture something at him, maybe trying to try and point where he was supposed to be in the problem, but he was getting too panicked to try and decipher it.

“Mr. Strife, were you not paying attention at all?! Don’t tell me you were doodling some nonsense in your notebook.” Cloud heard the giggles of his classmates around him and blushed horribly. He was sure even the tips of his ears were beet red as he stared at his lap. He didn’t want to dare look up, even when he heard the old man walk over to his desk, hovering over him. 

Maybe if he stared at the ground long enough, it would take pity on him and swallow him into it. Anything would be better than giving some of his classmates more ammunition to mock him with.

“Now then, Mr. Strife, why don’t you show us what you’ve been doing that’s so much more fascinating than paying attention in class?” The snickering increased in volume and Cloud felt his face get even hotter.

“U-Um, I-I just…was…” Before he could stutter anything else out, however, he was interrupted by a boy a few seats ahead of him suddenly jumping out of his chair. 

“What the hell?! What was that?!” He looked around the classroom, glaring.

“Mr. Flynn! Just what do you think you’re doing? Sit back down!” The old man turned away from Cloud, his attention having been diverted.

“I- Something stung me or- Ow!” He put a hand on the back of his neck. “There it is again!” This time, he looked behind him in time to see Zack hastily put a roll of rubber bands back in his pocket and a pencil back on his desk. “You-!”

“Now, I said sit DOWN! As for YOU, Mr. Fair-!” He whirled on Zack, who was trying and failing to put an innocent look on his face to keep himself from bursting into laughter. “Who?” He looked around, then pointed to himself with a grin. “Me?" The students laughed against, though this time at the show Zack was putting on.

That only seemed to infuriate the teacher more. “Yes, you! You think interrupting my class is funny?!”

“Eh? I didn’t say that. I’m not the one that jumped up for no reason, after all.”

“You shot me with a rubber band!”

Zack smirked, tilting his head to look at Flynn. “You shouldn’t go around making accusations you know. I was just wrapping up some of my pens with my rubber bands, you gonna- Ow, hey hey hey!” He cried out as the teacher grabbed his arm, forcing him from his seat. "What's the deal?!"

“Don’t ‘hey’ me, Mr. Fair!” At this point the teacher looked about ready to burst a blood vessel, or explode altogether out of frustration. “Now you go stand out there for the rest of class, and see if you can spend more than 10 minutes not being a disruption!” And with that he shoved Zack out the door, slamming it behind him as the rest of the class laughed. They were quickly silenced with a glare from the teacher.

“Now…” He huffed, straightening his tie before turning back to the board. “Now, as I was saying…”

Cloud blinked, slowly looking around the classroom as they all began to scribble down notes or zone out, his previous near-humiliation completely forgotten about.

The rest of the hour passed without interruption. When they finally were dismissed for lunch, Cloud slowly stood up and was even slower to put his books back in his backpack. After grabbing Zack’s bags he paused, waiting to make sure he was the last person to file out before hurrying out the door, scanning the hallway.

Zack was there, alternating between doing squats and stretching his back and legs; clear signs of how antsy and completely bored he must have been standing out there by himself. Cloud grimaced, then slowly walked over to him.

“…Zack.”

At hearing his name called, Zack immediately popped up with a smile. “Hey, Cloud! Is it time for lunch, already?” He reached his arms up over his head in a stretch. “Great, I’m starving. Oh! You got my bag? Thanks!” He grinned as he took it, slinging the strap over his shoulder. “You know, I forgot to make a lunch this morning, so is it okay if we go to the cafeteria? They usually have pretty fresh stuff on Mondays.”

“Zack, I-…” Cloud started before looking away. 

Zack tilted his head curiously. “What’s wrong, Cloud?”

Cloud’s eyes drifted downwards, unable to meet the other’s face. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

Zack blinked in surprise. “Eh? Sorry?” He scratched his head, frowning slightly in confusion. “For what?”

Cloud shook his head a little. “You got in trouble because of me.” He looked up, frowning. “I-…”

Zack looked unsure of what to say for a moment, then smiled as he shook his head. “Hey, enough of that already!” He reached over, ruffling Cloud’s hair. “Don’t worry about it. That asshole was seriously picking on you for no reason.” He laughed, beginning to walk down the hall. “Besides, seeing the look on Flynn’s face when he got a straight shot to the back of the neck was pretty priceless.” He stopped suddenly, turning to shoot Cloud a grin. “So don’t go beating yourself, okay?”

Cloud stood there, dumbfounded, then quickly followed after him with a nod. “Okay.” Another pause followed and he felt a slight blush appear on his face again. “Thanks, Zack”

Zack smiled, putting an arm around the other. “It’s no problem! You’re my friend, what else was I supposed to do? Anyway, Flynn’s always trying to pick fights with me, so I thought-” He continued on, chatting as they walked.

Cloud smiled in response, trying to focus on Zack’s chatter, and not the sudden twist he felt in his stomach while Zack had his arm around his shoulders.

That had been happening too much lately, especially when Zack would get close to hug him playfully or ruffle his hair.

If he kept ignoring it, it was sure to go away eventually.


	4. The Middle School Years: Zack's Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winter of 8th grade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! All comments and kudos are very much appreciated :)

“Hey, cool! Looks like you got the same one as me.” 

It was the day after Christmas and the two boys were up in Cloud’s room, showing off their presents. Zack was over the moon excited to finally have gotten a cell phone since, according to him, ‘I’m 14, a cell phone is basically necessary to live by this point!’ 

Cloud was sitting on the floor next to Zack, both of them leaning up against his bed. He tilted his head at the box in his hands. “It really is the same, huh?” He opened up the box, revealing a black flip phone. “Hope we don’t get them mixed up.”

“Well if we do, I know how we can tell ‘em apart.” With that he reached over, grabbing the phone out of Cloud’s hand and flipping it open in one quick motion.

“Hey-“ Cloud started, half-heartedly reaching to try and grab it back. “Don’t break it.”

“I’m not, I’m not!” After a few types into the phone he handed it back to him. “There ya go! My number’s in your contacts now. That’s how you know it’s yours.” He nodded, obviously pleased.

Cloud looked at his screen to see the contact page open with the name “Zack” highlighted at the top.

“Come on, come on! Put your number in too!” Zack impatiently pushed his phone into Cloud’s hand, nearly causing him to drop both of them.

“Gah- Hold on a second! Jeeze…” Cloud began to type his number in as well. “You know, we only live 5 minutes apart. Plus, I don’t really even like talking on the phone…”

“That doesn’t matter!” Zack pointed his index finger at Cloud for dramatic effect. “There’s texting, right? Besides, what if I wanna tell you something or ask you and it can’t wait til tomorrow? Texting you is gonna be a lot easier than running over to your house!” He huffed, then grinned excitedly. “Right, Cloud? Now we just gotta get sneaky about texting during class…”

“No way!” Cloud laughed a little. “I’m not spending an hour in detention for having my phone out during class just because you can’t wait 10 minutes to tell me something”. He handed Zack his phone back, having put his number in.

“Okay, okay, maybe you’ve got a point.” Zack shook his head as he took it back. “Anyway it looks like this thing can take pretty good pictures” He suddenly leaned over towards Cloud, leaning one arm against the other’s shoulder while holding up the phone with the other. “Say cheese!”

“Eh- What- Hey, Zack!” Cloud half sputtered, half laughed as the camera sound clicked. “At least warn me before you’re gonna take a picture” He gently pushed Zack away from him in attempt to keep him from seeing the redness beginning to appear on his cheeks.

“No way, candid photos are way better.” He pressed a few buttons on his phone, then turned it so that Cloud could see the screen. “Look, it makes a great wallpaper!”

Cloud glanced at the picture for a moment then shook his head. Zack was winking at the camera with his usual smile while he was looking baffled but was beginning to laugh anyway. “You’re such a dork.”

_I don’t think he saw me blushing, but…_

Zack elbowed him gently, grinning, before standing up. “Takes one to know one.”

_What’s wrong with me? Every time he gets close I start feeling…weird…_

Zack leaned back, stretching a little. “Hey, I think there’s enough snow to try sledding down that big hill today”

_I have to keep him from noticing. But if he hasn’t noticed yet, then maybe it hasn’t been too obvious? But I…_

“Maybe even enough to build a ramp or something…That would be awesome! If we go fast enough we could totally go flying and—“ Zack paused midsentence.

_There’s no way that I…towards Zack…_

“…Hey. Cloud?” He tilted his head slightly. “You okay?”

“—Huh?” Cloud looked up at Zack, bewildered. “I uh…Sorry” He stood up as well, dusting his pants of in a motion that would allow him to hide his face for a few seconds while he regained his composure. “I guess I spaced out”

“Hm.” Zack didn’t seem quite satisfied with that answer but was willing to let it go for now. “That’s okay! Just don’t space out if you’re steering, okay.” He laughed, jogging down the stairs, closely followed behind by Cloud. “I don’t wanna get smacked into a tree!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

“Well I think it’s very obvious which one of you opened your books during break time, and which ones…didn’t.” Their chemistry teacher, Ms. Cook, paused very decisively in front of Zack’s desk on that word. Zack visibly grimaced, taking the quiz out of her hand and looking at it as fast as possible, akin to trying to quickly rip a bandage off.  
“You’ve got to be-…!” He moaned before faceplanting onto his desk.

Ms. Cook, an older woman with a constantly suspicious expression, continued on. “Hopefully this quiz will give you an idea of how much you need to study before the exam next week. Remember, it’s worth 30% of your grade, so don’t think about slacking off--!”

Before she could continue her rant against the “slackers” of the class, the end of the day bell rang, giving the students permission to scramble out as fast as possible.

Cloud began to pack his bag together as well. He glanced over at Zack, who still had his forehead against the desk. 

“…That bad, huh?” Cloud asked quietly.

Zack merely groaned in response and handed the paper to Cloud so he could look for himself. Cloud took it, wincing slightly when he saw the score: 15/40 points.

“That’s…pretty bad.” Cloud admitted, handing the paper back. “Did you seriously not study at ALL over break?”

“Arrrrgh!” Zack sat up, rubbing his hair in frustration. “How was I supposed to know we were gonna get something like this right after Christmas?! It’s seriously not fair!” Finally he stood up, though was pouting as he stuffed his books into his bag, haphazardly swinging it across his shoulder. 

Luckily, Zack was at least smart enough to wait to continue his rant until the two of them were far enough down the hallway that they would be out of ear’s reach of the teacher. “Vacation is supposed to be for just that…vacation! Plus it doesn’t help that I’m not great at chemistry either- AH!” Zack stopped so suddenly that Cloud jumped and nearly ran into him. “That exam…it’s…HOW much of our grade?!”

“I think she said 30%?”

“Oh no, oh no, oh no…” Zack stopped in front of his locker but didn’t open it and instead began  
to pace. “My grade in that class is seriously not gonna cut it if I do that badly on this test too!” He moaned, whirling on Cloud to put his hands on his shoulders. “They’re not gonna let me on any kind of sports team if I fail a major class like this!” Zack was beginning to get so worked up that he began to shake Cloud by the shoulders. “What am I supposed to do here?! I’m seriously doomed!”

“You…could…stop…shaking me…for a start!” Cloud managed to get out.

“Ah-! Sorry…” Zack stopped immediately, giving a sheepish smile. “Got carried away there.” He opened up his locker, placing some of his extra books inside.

“I’ll say.” Cloud replied, shaking his head a little. “It’s too early to completely freak out, Zack.”

“Guess you’re right.” Zack sighed. “It’s still not looking good though”

“Do you really have to be so dramatic?” An icy voice cut in, causing the two boys to reflexively stiffen as they turned to face its’ source: a pale boy with equally cold eyes and blonde hair. “Throwing a tantrum in the middle of the hallway is pretty shameful, even for you.”

Zack immediately bristled in response. “How about you mind your own business, Rufus?” He looked around, then smirked when he didn’t see anyone behind the other. “Besides, shouldn’t you be trying to find your cronies or something? I’m surprised you had the balls to come over and try and start something without two meatheads backing you up!”

“Zack…” Cloud started, putting a hand on his shoulder to try and prevent him from getting any more riled up.

“What, are you going to start a fight in front of everyone like this?” Rufus smirked, glancing back at the crowd of students that was beginning to gather. “I suppose something like that would suit a backwater D-student like you.”

“What did you say you bastard?!” Zack started, raising his fist.

“Zack!” Cloud shouted, grabbing his arm, causing the other to freeze immediately. “Zack come on, he just wants you to start something like this. Come on, let’s just…go.” 

A few tense seconds passed. Then, Zack slowly lowered his arm and with a “Tch” swung his backpack over his shoulder and started to walk past Rufus. “…Right. Let’s go home, Cloud.”

Cloud tried to ignore the smug look on Rufus’ face as he hurried past him and after Zack, who was quickly walking through the door and outside. Zack’s pace was hurried and for the first few minutes of their walk home he didn’t say a word. Cloud began to worry that he was angry at him for interfering, that maybe it had embarrassed him in front of everyone even more.

Just as Cloud was opening his mouth to apologize, Zack suddenly stopped and threw his arms up in the air. 

“Ahhhhhh jeeze!” He suddenly slumped down, squatting on the ground. Cloud went to the side of him, completely confused.

“Zack?”

Zack was silent for a moment but then suddenly looked up at him with a sheepish grin. “That bastard really knows how to get a rise outta me, huh…” He scratched his cheek. “Sorry, Cloud. I shouldn’t have lost my temper back there” He stood up, stretching a little. “Thanks for keeping me in check.” Zack grinned, laughing a little. “Like usual!”

Cloud blinked, trying to take in the sudden mood swing. He blushed slightly, looking away as he rubbed the back of his head. “I didn’t really do anything…I just knew that if you started a fight, he had plenty of witnesses to help him get you in trouble later.”

Zack nodded. “Definitely! I mean, I’m already in hot enough water as it is…” They began to walk again, side by side this time.

“You don’t think you can get higher than a C on the next test?” Cloud asked.

Zack shook his head. “Not at the rate I’m going. It’s just so hard to pay attention during class…” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I feel like I’m not able to wrap my head around anything.”

“Then…” Cloud said thoughtfully. “I could help you study, if you want.”

“Eh?” Zack stopped as they arrived at Cloud’s house, looking at him with wide eyes. “Really? You really would?!”

Cloud nodded. “Yeah of cou- Hey!” Cloud cried out as he was nearly bowled over by Zack’s hug. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re seriously the best, Cloud!” Zack laughed, even as Cloud pushed him off. “Come over to my house tomorrow after school, okay? I gotta help my mom with stuff around the house today, but since tomorrow’s Friday there shouldn’t be a problem.” He waved enthusiastically as he ran down the road towards his home. “Bye Cloud! See you tomorrow!”

Cloud waved back, shaking his head slightly as he watched Zack disappear into the distance. Now if only he would put all that energy towards studying, maybe he would get somewhere.


	5. The Middle School Years: Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sleepover. Cloud's feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a long one, but I really enjoyed writing it ^_^

“Zack...”

“…”

“Zack…!”

“…Hm?”

“Zack, I asked if you knew the answer to this question!” Cloud sighed, prodding the side of Zack’s face with the pencil eraser. “You weren’t even paying attention to what I just said, were you?”

“Oww…I was, I was! I promise, I just zoned out for a second” Zack smiled apologetically as he rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the books sprawled across his bedroom floor. “We’ve been going for a while.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Cloud set his book aside, reaching up to stretch his arms. 

They had both gone over to Zack’s house right after school and, much to Zack’s mother’s surprise, both immediately went up to his room to begin studying. It had gotten dark outside a while ago and he could hear the sound of a winter storm blowing against the window.

Cloud felt a sudden weight pressing him forward as Zack leaned his back against him, sighing dramatically. “Man, Cloud, I’m seriously exhausted here. I don’t think I can memorize another thing at this point.”

Cloud adjusted himself so that they were both back to back instead of being squished under Zack’s weight. “Mn…I guess we have been going a while.” He glanced down at his phone. “It’s almost 10 o’clock too”

“Seriously?! Jeeze, no wonder my head feels like it’s about to explode. We’ve only taken a break for dinner.” Zack rubbed his head. “Hopefully this all pays off…”

Cloud paused for a moment. “Sorry, I don’t know if I ended up being much help after all.” He murmured. 

“Eh?” Zack turned back to look at him, blinking in surprise. “What are you talking about? You were a big help!” He smiled gently. “You definitely kept me focused longer than I usually can keep myself going. Plus I feel like I understand it better now too!” Zack’s smile brightened even more, in the way that always seemed to make Cloud’s chest tighten. Zack’s blue eyes would grow even livelier while his facial features would soften. “Thank you, Cloud”. 

It was almost too much for him to take.

Cloud turned his head to the side quickly to avoid letting Zack see his embarrassed expression. “It…It was no problem…” 

“Cloud?” Zack’s mother came in, holding the house phone on her shoulder. “Your mom just called, she says there’s a really bad snow storm rolling in” The windows began to rattle, as if to emphasize the point. “She doesn’t want you walking home in it, and I’m going to have to agree with her.”

“All right!” Zack stood up suddenly, causing Cloud to lose his balance and fall backwards. “Does this mean Cloud gets to stay over tonight!?”

“I think that’d be a good idea. I’ll call your mom and let her know, okay?”

“Okay…” Cloud replied as she turned out of the room. He was struck by a sudden sense of nervousness and something akin to dread. He tried to rid himself of the feelings as soon as Zack turned to face him, an excited smile on his face.

“This is great! It’s been too long since you’ve slept over!” He jumped onto his bed, swinging his legs over the edge. “Gonna stay up allll night!”

Cloud let out a small laugh. “What happened to getting some rest so you could study some more tomorrow?”

“Well, I can worry about that tomorrow, right?” Zack grinned down at him.

Cloud shook his head, smiling lightly as he stood up to join Zack on the bed. “Is it really okay, though? I don’t have my toothbrush or a change of clothes or anything.”

“It’s no problem! You can just borrow something of mine tonight. And I think we’ve got a couple of spare toothbrushes here just in case something like this happened.”

Cloud just nodded in response, still unsure as to why he felt ambivalent about sleeping over at his best friend’s house. They used to do it all the time when they were little, so why was he trying to think of excuses not to do it now?

******************************

“All right, Cloud! The shower’s all yours.” Cloud looked up from the T.V. as Zack came in to the living room, wearing a loose t-shirt and boxer shorts and drying his hair off with a towel. “I think we might have to go to bed soon though, I just saw my mom when I came out of the bathroom and she was giving me the evil eye for staying up past midnight…Oh! I almost forgot.” Zack shoved a t-shirt and pair of blue pajama pants into Cloud’s arms. “They might be a little bit big on you, but it should be fine for one night, right?”

Cloud gave him a flat look. “You’re not that much taller than me, Zack.” 

“I know, I know! Don’t look at me like that, I’m just kidding.” Zack laughed as he turned off the T.V. “I’d better go in my room before Mom gets a mind to yell at me again. See you in a little bit!” And with that Zack disappeared up the stairs.

Cloud took a longer shower than usual, or that’s what it felt like to him at least. When he finally finished and slowly put on the clothes Zack had given him, he frowned slightly at the fact that, yes, they WERE a bit too big on him. The pajama pants were long enough that they dragged slightly on the ground and the t-shirt hung loosely around his neck.

“I hope there’s another growth spurt sometime in the near future…” Cloud murmured, fiddling with the collar of the shirt as he looked in the mirror.

The longer he stared into the mirror, though, the more he was filled with a sudden and rather strange urge.

After pausing to listen for the sounds of anyone coming towards the bathroom door, Cloud leaned his face down slightly to sniff at the fabric of the shirt. A warm feeling traveled down his body, all the way to the tips of his toes.

_Zack’s…scent…_

Cloud took another breath, inhaling more of the scent before stopping himself suddenly, his face a deep scarlet.

He was going to be wearing Zack’s clothes all night, sleeping in Zack’s house, sleeping in his bed, and right next to…

 _Stop!_ Cloud shook his head frantically, slapping his face with his hands. _Stop, you have to stop. What are you doing…!? Don’t you know how creepy you’re being right now?!_

Now Cloud knew why he thought of a sleepover here with such a sense of dread. Being here, surrounded by Zack’s smell, in his house, was going to threaten to completely overwhelm him.

_There’s nothing you can do about it now. Just…This is fine. Just ignore it, like usual._

Filled with a sense of resolve, Cloud made his way back to Zack’s room to find him lying on the bed. His arms were underneath his head while his legs kicked up towards the ceiling restlessly. He turned his head with a smile when he heard the sound of Cloud come in. “Hey! I was wondering what was taking so long. I was about to come in to make sure you didn’t fall and hit your -Hey, you okay?”

Zack suddenly sat up, looking at Cloud with curiosity. “Your face is all red”

Cloud turned his head to the side, murmuring. “I was probably just in the hot water for too long.” Zack smiled in response. 

“Well that’s what I was saying, you were in there for way too long. Jeeze, and you didn’t even dry your hair properly!” Zack scooted closer to Cloud, who was just beginning to sit down on the bed. Shifting so that he was sitting on his knees, he leaned over and began to ruffle Cloud’s hair, laughing playfully as he did. “It’s still so damp! But as usual, it’s still sticking straight up like that…”

“Zack…!” Cloud protested, trying to move away but to no avail. “It’ll dry in a minute!”

“Hm, I guess…Still! Don’t go getting a cold or anything, okay?” Zack finally stopped ruffling his hair but, much to Cloud’s embarrassment, didn’t remove his hand and instead threaded a few strands of Cloud’s hair between his fingers. “But even if it sticks out all over the place, it’s still really soft, huh…”

Cloud didn’t dare open his mouth to respond, though he was pretty sure that even if he did try to speak, the sudden lump in his throat would stop him from saying anything. If only Zack kept his hands to himself more, this would be easier but…he also loved the feeling of Zack doing this sort of thing, especially playing with his hair like this. Of course, the crushing feeling of guilt in his stomach that would soon accompany those sorts of thoughts was enough to turn the experience unpleasant.

Luckily Zack stopped after a few seconds and scooted over to his side of the bed so Cloud would be able to lie down. “Man, it’s really sounding pretty bad out there, huh?” Zack turned his face towards the window, watching the windows rattle slightly as the wind howled outside. “It’s a good thing you didn’t try to walk home, huh? You might still be trying to find your way through that mess.” He turned his face to look at Cloud with a smile, though it faded slightly as he continued to study the other’s face. “Hey…you sure you’re okay?

Cloud wasn’t sure what it was in his face that was giving away his current emotional state, but he had to put a stop to it before Zack continued his questioning. “Mm, yeah, I’m fine.” on the bed, He turned on his side so that his back was to Zack. “I’m just kind of tired, so I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“Aw…” Zack whined a little. “Okay, okay, fine. Guess I should too.” Cloud heard the sound of Zack shifting a bit under the covers, then stretching back on the pillow. “Good night, Cloud.”

“Night…” Cloud mumbled, praying that he would be able to fall asleep as soon as possible, or at least would be able to stop thinking about things that he really, really shouldn’t be.

*****************************

Cloud wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep for but when he opened his eyes, the room was still dark and completely silent except for the sound of Zack’s soft breathing next to him.

Cloud slowly turned his head back to glance at his friend, eyes widening when he realized how much closer Zack had scooted in his sleep and that he was now turned so that his face was towards him.

“Zack…” Cloud whispered, holding his breath immediately afterwards in case the other would begin to stir. After a long minute, Zack still wasn’t waking up so Cloud carefully turned until he was face to face with Zack.

“Zack” He whispered again. “Are you awake?”

Zack’s lips parted as he let out a soft exhale. Cloud’s heart began to pound harder in his chest, watching and waiting for the other to wake up.

But there was nothing.

Maybe it was the overwhelming sensation of Zack’s scent surrounding him or the fact that his face was only a few inches away from his own but Cloud eventually went against his better judgement. Slowly, he lifted his hand up, moving it to gently move Zack’s bangs out of his face.

Zack’s hair was…really soft.

His heart beating wildly now, Cloud took his chances and threaded his fingers through Zack’s hair as slowly as he could to avoid waking the other. With his face this close, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking how peaceful Zack looked like this. His face was completely relaxed but still looked as if he might break out into a smile at any moment. Maybe he was having a nice dream?

He’d never noticed it before, but Zack had really long eyelashes too. 

Cloud moved his fingers out of Zack’s hair, delicately setting his hand on the side of the other’s face instead.

Zack’s skin was soft too. 

And it felt…really nice.

Carefully, Cloud traced the outline of Zack’s bottom lip with his thumb. Zack shifted a little, sighing quietly in his sleep. A voice in the back of his head was screaming at him, telling him to stop, that he was doing much more than pushing his luck at this point. Zack was going to wake up at any moment and he was going to ruin everything. But that voice was being drowned out by the pounding of Cloud’s heart and the singular thought of how beautiful Zack looked, how nice his skin and hair felt and the comforting feeling of his smell.

Slowly, slowly he moved his face forward, until his lips were only inches from Zack’s. If he moved just once more, then he could…

“…Nh…”

Cloud was shocked out of his trance-like state as Zack began to stir. He moved back so fast he nearly fell backwards off of the bed, eyes wide with horror and his heart feeling as if it was about to pound out of his chest.

_What was I…What was I doing?!_

He quickly whirled around so that he was facing the opposite wall again, just in time to hear Zack yawn and feel the bed shift as he sat up slightly. “Cloud…S’wrong?” He muttered tiredly. 

Cloud tried as hard as he could to not tense his shoulders or give away any sign that he was awake.

He either did a really good job of pretending to be asleep or Zack was too tired to notice, since after a few seconds of silence Zack lay his head back on the pillow and quickly fell back to sleep.

Cloud curled himself into a tight ball, cursing and berating himself.

_How could I do something like that!? I tried to take advantage of the fact that he was asleep and almost..._

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force his body to stop shaking and to lie as still as possible as to not wake Zack up.

He didn’t know which was worse: The intensity of his unrequited feelings and how he wanted to do nothing more than continue from where he left off, or the sickening feeling of disgust at himself for having those feelings.

Zack trusted him so much and felt so completely comfortable and at ease around him. Would he still feel the same if he knew the truth?

_No…He’d break off all ties with me._

Cloud was sure of it. And that alone was enough.

He couldn’t act on these feelings, no matter what. No matter how bad it got, or how much it hurt, it would hurt even more for Zack to completely reject him.

Even if he did deserve it.


	6. The Middle School Years: Accusations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments! They really inspire me to keep going :D

“All right, today’s the day! Time to kick some chemistry butt!”

It was Monday morning following the weekend-long study session and the two boys were taking their normal route to school. Zack was cheerfully marching along, giving himself little pep talks along the way. Cloud was finding it a bit difficult to keep up with his normal pace, mostly because he was still recovering from not getting much sleep during the whole weekend.

Of course he hadn’t been able to get back to sleep after what he had almost done to Zack and when the other boy had awoken the next morning he immediately began badgering him about the dark circles under his eyes and pale face.

Cloud eventually got Zack off his case by telling him the storm had woken him up, though he had a slight suspicion that Zack still thought he was hiding something. He had let it drop at least, which was what mattered, but the events of two nights ago caused Cloud to have some dreams last night that he really _really_ didn’t want to start having. Namely, ones where he didn’t stop himself from kissing Zack, and where Zack was actually awake and…

“Hey! Clooo-ooud!”

Zack’s voice roused Cloud from his thoughts and he glanced up to see that Zack had stopped walking and was facing him, hands on his hips and a slight pout on his face. “I’ve been calling your name like four times here. Have you even been listening to me?”

“Uh…yes?” Cloud attempted. “You were talking about the test today.”

“Yeah I was, until I asked how you were doing, since you still kind of look like a blonde raccoon.” Zack’s voice was teasing though there was obvious concern underneath it. “You’re seriously zoning out here. Are _you_ gonna be okay to take the test today?” Zack rubbed the back of his neck, beginning to frown. “I don’t want you to do badly after you spent all this time helping me out…”

Cloud shook his head quickly. “It’s fine, don’t worry Zack. I’m okay.”

“You’re _sure_? Look, I don’t feel like I need to tell you this, but you can tell me anything, okay? You’re my best friend, so don’t just keep stuff bottled up instead of saying something.” Zack smiled, causing Cloud’s stomach to twist in guilt.

“I know, Zack…” Cloud gave a light smile in reply, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You promise?” Zack leaned towards him a little bit, watching his face.

“…I promise.”  
*****************  
_Well, now you can add “Lying to your best friend” to the list of things wrong with you_ Cloud thought to himself dully as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

 _Though it’s not like I can tell him what’s actually going on…_ Cloud sighed, running a hand through his spikes. _At least try and focus on making it through the rest of the week._

With that thought in mind, Cloud began to head back to the classroom, though he didn’t get very far before something made him stop and stare.

Zack was in the hallway too, leaning against the lockers with his arms folded and a frown on his face as he spoke quietly to three other boys from their class. Cloud could just start to make out their conversation as he got closer.

“Look Zack, we’re all in the same boat here, they’re not gonna let any of us on the team if we don’t—”

“I already told you before. You guys do what you want, but I’m not gonna be a part of this.” Zack narrowed his eyes slightly, his frown deepening.

“Come on, you know how good you are! If you fail this and get banned from doing any sports, what’s that gonna mean for the rest of us?”

“Seriously, think about the chance you’re passing up here”

“We already know we’re not gonna get caught so what’s the big deal?”

“How many times do I have to tell you guys before you stop—”

“…Zack?” Cloud approached the group, looking around at the other boys who in turned glared back, obviously irritated that their discussion was interrupted.

“Oh hey, Cloud.” Zack smiled lightly, pushing himself away from the lockers. “The late bell’s about to ring soon, huh? Guess we should get back.” He started walking down the hall, ignoring the glances the other boys were giving each other as he did.

“What was that about?” Cloud asked quietly.

“Ah, nothing really. Don’t worry about it.” Zack answered lightly.

Not wanting to press anything, Cloud didn’t voice any of the other questions lingering in the back of his mind as they entered their classroom and sat down. 

_I guess if it was important, he would tell me._ Cloud thought, watching Zack as he tapped his pencil on the desk a few times, looking slightly anxious as the teacher began passing the exams to the class. Though once he saw that Cloud was looking at him, he smiled reassuringly. Cloud gave a half-smile in reply, though it was mostly out of reflex. Zack seemed to have that “contagious smile” effect on people, after all. Especially him.

Luckily Cloud had studied enough that his mild exhaustion from that weekend didn’t really affect his concentration abilities. He kept glancing over at Zack every so often, watching his facial expressions for any sign of distress or frustration. To his relief, Zack kept working diligently and even turned in his exam shortly after Cloud, giving him a grin and a thumbs up as he sat back down.

“That’s seriously the best I’ve felt about an exam in a while!” Zack said happily as soon as class was let out. “There were a couple I wasn’t really sure about but I felt like I could at least give a good guess on them.”

“So no more freaking out in the hallway?” Cloud teased. “I think you almost gave me a concussion from shaking me so hard.”

“Hey, enough about that already!” Though Zack laughed as he said that. “But seriously, I owe you Cloud. What can I do to thank you?”

“Hm, well…” Cloud started as Zack looked at him with interest. “I guess maybe doing all my chores for a week could be a start…”

“Aw jeeze, be serious!” Zack pushed the other’s shoulder playfully.

“Okay, two weeks.”

“Oh come on! Cloooouuud…! No fair!” Zack whined, though it wasn’t long before he began to laugh and Cloud couldn’t resist joining in.

The relief didn’t last long, however, as the next day Ms. Cook solemnly told Zack that she would need to “see him after class” before she began the day’s lesson. Zack and Cloud exchanged looks.

“What do you think it is?” Zack mouthed quietly. Cloud just shrugged in response, though he looked as confused as Zack. Before they could say anything else, she began to address the entire room.

“I’m sorry to say that there seems to have been a bout of _dishonesty_ during this last exam. Namely, there seems to have been a group effort towards doing well on it…” She began to pace in front of her desk, arms folded. “I’ll start by reminding you that I have a 100% no-tolerance policy for cheating in my classroom and anyone who’s caught will be receiving the highest possible punishment!” She paused for dramatic effect and waited for the whispers to die down before she continued. “And for those of you that partook in this horrible crime yesterday, you know who you are, and we will be speaking sometime today...” She let out a sigh. “Now that we’ve got that unpleasantness out of the way, let’s begin today’s lesson…”

Cloud quietly observed the boys that had been bothering Zack the other day exchange panicked looks before burying their noses in their notes, trying to act calm despite their appearances. When he looked towards Zack, Cloud saw that he had been watching them as well. Zack was gripping his pencil tightly, almost to the point of breaking it, and his face looked a shade paler.

Cloud started to say his name but, remembering that they were in class, quickly sat straight and began to take notes. Every few minutes he would glance over towards Zack, hoping to catch his eye, but every time Zack would just be staring straight ahead. 

Zack didn’t write down a single word in his notebook all class and his eyes didn’t seem quite focused on what was going on in front of him.

Much sooner than Cloud would have liked, class was over and the sound of rustling papers and scooting chairs could be heard. Cloud stayed as still, feeling glued to the spot as he continued to watch Zack’s anxious eyes. 

“Zack…” Cloud murmured softly, finally catching his friend’s attention as Zack snapped out of his thoughts and looked towards him. For a moment their eyes met and Cloud felt a wave of anxiety rush through him. He had a bad feeling about what was going to happen once he left Zack there, with the teacher and those three other boys who were still sitting in their seats. 

Zack gave him a smile, still genuine, but not as bright as it usually was. “I don’t think she told you to hang around after class too. You better get a move on before you get detention for loitering or something.”

“Zack, I—” Cloud paused, unsure of what he wanted to say. He glanced over at the teacher, who was tapping her foot impatiently, obviously waiting for him to leave, then back towards Zack. Slowly, he stood up and gathered his things. “I’ll…wait for you in the hallway, okay?”

 _I don’t want to leave you alone. I’m still here_ Was what he wanted to say.

“Ah you don’t have to, but thanks!” Zack nodded at him with a grin.

With a regretful glance backwards Cloud went out to the hall, closing the door quietly as he did. At first he went to lean against the wall opposite the classroom but, after a few glances to make sure no one was watching him, he quickly shuffled over to the door and pressed his ear against it. He made it just in time to hear the beginning of the conversation.

Zack’s voice was the first one that he heard. “…What are you talking about?! I didn’t do anything like that!” 

“Mr. Fair, please don’t raise your voice or else I’ll have to punish you for disruption as well.”

“But –!”

“That’s _enough_. It was suspicious enough that these three all had the exact same answers with the exact same work as well, but then I received a tip from someone who apparently saw all four of you talking about ‘Getting away’ with something right before the exam.”

“That doesn’t prove anything…!”

“Plus, Mr. Fair, considering how poorly you’ve done on previous exams…even if you didn’t have the exact same answers as these three, how can you explain the sudden increase in performance?’

There was silence after that and Cloud pressed his ear as close as possible in case he was missing something.

_Just tell her I helped you study…That’s all you have to do, right?_

“I…” Zack started then fell silent again. The other three boys hadn’t said a word either. Why weren’t they saying anything about how Zack told them off?

“That’s what I thought.” Cloud could just imagine the smug smile on Ms. Cook’s face and it made him grit his teeth slightly in anger. “Now, I’ll be fair. I’ll give you troublemakers three days to confess to what you’ve done and you may just get a lighter punishment. If you don’t, I’m going to have a meeting with all of your parents and make sure you’re suspended from being involved in any sports activities for the rest of your time here and receive at least a week’s suspension! …Do I make myself clear?”

There were three mumbled “Yes, ma’m’s”

“…Mr. Fair?”

“…Yeah.”

“You’re dismissed, then.”

Cloud barely made it away from the door in time to prevent himself from being smacked in the face as it suddenly opened. All four of them walked out and Zack was glaring so hard at the ground that he didn’t see Cloud at first.

The blonde hesitated a second before going after Zack, lightly grabbing onto the strap of his backpack to stop him. 

Zack paused, taking a deep breath before looking over at Cloud with an attempt at a smile before glancing downwards. Cloud frowned, not liking how disheartened the other boy’s smile seemed.

“Zack, why—” Cloud started, waiting until Zack’s eyes met his again to continue. “Why didn’t you just tell her the truth?”

“That’s…” Zack sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Let’s go outside to talk about this, okay?”

Cloud nodded quickly and the two of them made their way to the field outside of the school building. It was still too cold to sit on the ground, so they sat down on a nearby bench instead. Cloud glanced over at Zack, waiting for him to start the conversation, but the other seemed to be hesitating too. 

If there was one thing Cloud wasn’t used to in all the years of being friends with Zack, it was having to start a conversation. The silence coming from the usually talkative boy was both unnatural and disconcerting. 

After a solid minute, Cloud finally gave in. “…So?”

“So…” Zack sighed, leaning back against the bench and glancing up at the sky. “I dunno, Cloud. What was I supposed to say?”

“That I helped you study!” Cloud cried out, beginning to feel exasperated. “Plus, I didn’t hear what those guys were telling you the other day but I know you were basically telling them to shove off, right? Why didn’t you just tell her that they were planning to cheat and you didn’t want any part of it?”

Zack frowned deeply, finally looking over at Cloud. “Well, first of all, what do you think would have happened if I had told her you helped me? That teacher’s been out to get me since the first day of class and if I had brought your name into it, she probably would have accused you of cheating too!” Zack shook his head definitively. “I’m not getting you in trouble for this. And second, as for them…” Zack glanced upwards again. “It would have felt wrong to do that, ya know? Like I was selling them out to save my own skin. Even if they _were_ cheating, it just wouldn’t have felt right I guess…”

“Zack…”

“Anyway! Don’t worry so much about it, okay?” Zack offered him a smile again, this time doing his best to look cheerful. “It’ll be fine.”

Cloud frowned deeply and looked to the ground with a sigh. “Even if you say that…”

“Hey, hey, hey…” Zack ruffled his hair gently. “Don’t look so down. I’m telling you it’ll be okay, okay? Cheer up!”

 _Of course Zack’s the one trying to comfort me when he’s the one in trouble…_ Cloud thought guiltily.

Even as Cloud looked up at Zack’s reassuring smile and nodded, he knew that things were most likely _not_ going to be fine, especially with his friend’s self-sacrificing attitude. After all, even if Cloud absolutely loved Zack's kindness and huge heart, his tendency to put other people above himself made him worry, especially now.


	7. The Middle School Years: Cloud's Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack always does his best to help the people he cares about, no matter what their problems are. But Cloud wants to protect Zack, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap this one took a while to write. It was a lot of fun, though!

Cloud had been right to be worried, as was proven the very next morning as he was getting ready for school. His phone gave off the little text chime and he immediately went to check it, since he knew it would be Zack. He was the only person who texted him, after all.

**From: Zack**   
**Sorry, I’m running late. You’re gonna have to leave without me. I’ll see you in class!**

Cloud frowned thoughtfully and typed a reply with one hand, pulling on one sock with the other.

**To: Zack**   
**What happened?**

Cloud didn’t immediately get a response to his text, so after waiting a few seconds he slowly began to put his books in his backpack. It was a task that he immediately stopped as the text sound went off again and he nearly tripped over himself to pick the phone off of his bed to look at it.

**From: Zack**   
**I’ll tell you later don’t worry about it too much**

He glared at his phone as if that would help him get a better answer then shoved it in his bag along with the rest of his things. Cloud’s mood wasn’t improved as he had to walk the road to school in relative silence. He noticed how gloomy and quiet the woods surrounding the road seemed this morning, though he knew that had less to do with the lingering winter chill and more to do with the absence of Zack’s energetic chatter. 

Zack barely made it in time for the first class of the day that morning. Cloud had just been about to text him to ask where he was when he appeared in the doorway, panting and looking as if he had sprinted the entire way to school. Cloud realized that some of their classmates must have been talking about him, since just as he appeared some of their conversations came to a menacing stop as they turned to stare at him. Cloud was all too familiar with the sinking feeling you get when you walk into a room full of people talking about you. So he felt a slight pain in his heart when he saw Zack’s eyes widen in surprise then narrow slightly as he tried to shake off the hurt expression on his face.

Zack must have noticed worried expression on Cloud's face since when he sat down he immediately gave him a cheerful smile. “Sorry, I was kind of running late this morning. But it looks like you figured out how to get to school on your own, huh?”

Cloud wasn’t about to let Zack sweep things under the rug with a joke. “So are you gonna tell me what happened?”

“Ah…It’s not a big deal.” Zack put his hands behind his head, leaning back in his chair slightly. “The school just called my mom yesterday, so…” He shrugged. “She just kept asking me what was going on when I was trying to leave this morning.”

“Zack—”

Just as he was about to say something, their English teacher walked in to begin the class. Zack immediately turned his attention to the board and Cloud frowned, wondering if Zack was intentionally avoiding his gaze.

Things didn’t get much better throughout that day or the next. Zack was the subject of their classmates’ suspicious glances as they whispered to each other, spreading more rumors about the “cheating scandal” and twisting each story to convince more than a handful of people that there might have been even more cheating before this one, that this was just the first time someone like Zack had been caught. None of them had the courage to say any of these nasty things to Zack’s face, of course. But the whispers across from the table at lunch or in the hallway during break times were enough to affect him.

Each time, Cloud would see Zack’s eyes sink to the ground and his jaw stiffen slightly. Sometimes Zack would see Cloud staring at his face and smile, but it seemed half-hearted and only served to make Cloud feel worse. Zack was the kind of person who was open and honest about his feelings and, unlike Cloud, he basically wore his heart on his sleeve. He also didn’t like to make others worry about him or bring their mood down, which was why he tried to act like he wasn’t really affected that much when he was feeling sad. Unfortunately, he was also pretty bad at hiding it most of the time.

Eventually, the deadline for Zack’s ordeal arrived. “The Principal will be meeting with us later today after school at 4” Ms. Cook had told him at the end of class. Zack just narrowed his eyes slightly and nodded silently, and Cloud felt pushed to the brink of frustration and helplessness. Zack always, always tried to cheer him up when he felt depressed or anxious with a joke and a smile, maybe an encouraging word or two. So why was it, when it seemed that Zack needed him the most, he couldn’t do anything? Of course it didn’t help that Zack kept trying to act like he was fine but Cloud still couldn’t think of the words to say, or how to express what he was really trying to say, at least. 

Cloud was almost certain that this, mixed with his hidden feelings towards Zack, made him a pretty awful friend all around.

****  
Although they were in quite a few classes together, Zack and Cloud weren’t together for all of them. On Friday Zack’s last class was Algebra, while Cloud’s was World History. Usually Zack would meet Cloud next to his locker at the end of the day before they went home, but since Zack had to meet with Ms. Cook and the Principal that day, Cloud was at a loss of what to do. Honestly, what he really wanted to do was stay after school with Zack and keep him company until it was over but even then he didn’t know what he should say or do to help, or if his presence would just make Zack feel obligated to act like he was okay. Cloud stood outside of the classroom, thinking and debating with himself when he caught wind of a conversation a few feet away.

“—when I heard what Zack was saying to them, I knew I had to say something.” Cloud whirled around at the mention of Zack’s name to see Rufus, flanked by a larger boy (who was wearing sunglasses inside, for some reason) and practically sneering as he talked to a few other students. “It was the right thing, after all.”

Cloud didn’t even think, he was already taking quick strides over to the group surrounding Rufus, pushing through them and stopping mere inches from him.

“…It was you?” Cloud could feel his heart beat faster and was having difficulty keeping his voice even. “You’re the one that told the teachers that Zack was a part of that?!”

Cloud could see a slight flick of surprise on Rufus’ face. He probably hadn’t seen Cloud say more than a few sentences before, and definitely not such openly hostile ones directed at him. He quickly recovered himself, though, raising up a hand to flip some of the hair out of his face. “Of course. Idiots like that who are stupid enough to cheat that badly and get caught bring the rest of us **honest** students down, wouldn’t you say?”

Cloud clenched his fists tightly, feeling them beginning to shake. “If you did hear anything, then you know as well as I do that Zack was only telling them he wasn’t going to be a part of anything!” Visions of Zack’s pained expressions, half-hearted smiles and subdued walks to and from school were running through Cloud’s mind.

“Ah well…” Rufus sneered. “I guess you would make up something like that to cover for him, wouldn’t you.” He turned his face to the side. “Even an idiotic mutt like that has to have one person on his side, somehow.”

Cloud only need to take one look at Rufus’ lackey, Rude, to know this was probably going to end up with his ass getting handed to him. The boy towered over him and probably outweighed him by at least twenty pounds. But Cloud barely gave that a second thought as he wound his arm up and punched Rufus in the face as hard as he possibly could.

It was actually pretty satisfying, even if it hurt his hand a bit afterwards. 

Cloud was able to see Rufus stagger back, clutching his nose as blood began to drip through his fingers before he felt his collar being grabbed and his feet leave the ground. Gritting his teeth, he hardly had time to brace himself before he was slammed into the lockers behind him. His head bounced off of the metal and he let out a grunt of pain just before he received a hard punch right to the stomach.

“You’ll pay for that…” Rufus said, his voice muffled behind his hand.

Cloud felt his collar being released and he fell to the ground, coughing and doubled over with pain. When he looked up, trying to get his vision to focus so he could at least stand up and do something to right back, he barely had time to roll out of the way of the foot coming straight at his head. He was still reeling from having his head bounced against a sheet of metal and his guts punched but he still was able to stand up and balance slightly, going for a punch of his own. Unfortunately, that only ended up with his fist being grabbed mid-strike. Desperately, he tried to pull his hand back, but it was too late. His arm was twisted painfully behind his back and he was slammed face-first into the lockers again. 

Cloud felt the taste of metal in his mouth as he bit his cheek on impact. “Ngh--!”

“Pretty weak.” His attacker muttered, grabbing Cloud’s hair to slam his face into the locker again.

Cloud grit his teeth to prevent himself from crying out in pain as blood began to run down his face from his nose.

“Now, do you want to continue this charade, or are you going to kneel down and apologize? I’m assuming the second option is going to be much, much less painful for you.” Cloud could hear Rufus’ voice behind him.

“Gh—” Cloud took a moment to spit out some blood. “As…if…”

This time Cloud couldn’t suppress his cry of pain as his arm was pressed even more painfully against his back and his head slammed again.

***

Zack was starting to get worried. He had been waiting at Cloud’s locker for over five minutes and there was still no sign of his friend. 

“I know his class his on the next floor, but does it really take this long?” He folded his arms, frowning lightly. “He didn’t leave without me, did he…?”

“Zack!”

One of Zack’s friends in their class, Kunsel, suddenly came running up. He was panting lightly and looked pale.

Zack blinked in surprise, looking at him curiously. “Hey, Kunsel. What’s going on? You look kinda out of breath there.”

“It’s…” Kunsel finally caught his breath. “It’s Cloud. I heard from one of the girls that he got into a fight with Rufus and now Rude is in it too.”

Zack’s eyes widened in horror. “Cloud is…?”

Kunsel nodded quickly. “Yeah, he—hey! Wait a minute, Zack!”

It was too late, Zack had already started sprinting down the hall, running faster than Kunsel was able to go to catch up with him. He practically slammed the doorway to the stairs open and barely took time to actually go down each stair, nearly tripping over himself as he jumped down the last three stairs to get to the door as fast as possible.

****

Cloud knew that if his arm was twisted any more it was most likely going to break.

He desperately tried to loose himself from Rude’s grip but it was no use. He could feel his vision begin to go fuzzy, his ears were ringing and he was probably going to pass out from the pain pretty soon. He wasn’t going to give in though, even as he heard some of the crowd of students mockingly tell him it would be easier to do just that.

His face was still pressed hard against the cold metal of the lockers, so he couldn’t see what caused the crowd to suddenly gasp in surprise. He did recognize the voice, though.

“Get the hell…OFF of him!!”

Zack had pushed through the crowd and immediately went charging at Rude. The distraction had caused the taller boy to turn his attention from Cloud, just in time to get a fist to the face. The impact caused Rude’s sunglasses to break in half and fall to the ground with a clatter. He let go of Cloud as he reeled back, hand immediately going to where he had just been hit.

Cloud gasped as the pressure off his arm was suddenly lifted and he sunk to the ground, cradling the painful arm as he turned to look up at Zack. It took a few seconds to focus his vision but what he did see made his eyes widen in shock.

Zack was standing in front of him protectively, facing Rude. His fists were clenched tightly and his normally cheerful face was pale and twisted in rage. Zack’s blue eyes, which were usually bright and playful, were icy and completely focused on the enemy in front of him.

“You…” His voice seemed dangerously low. “Just what the hell do you think you’re playing at?!”

There was no response from the other, just a grunt as he rubbed the bridge of his nose then came swinging towards Zack, who took a quick step back to dodge then went to give a punch of his own. Rude was prepared this time though and ducked so that he was able to charge at Zack, tackling him to the ground.

The crowd of students, which had doubled in size by this point, grew more energetic as the two boys rolled on the ground, grabbing and pulling and punching wherever they were able to try and gain the upper hand. Cloud kept trying to stand up to see if he could help but each time a wave of dizziness would hit him and he would sink back to the ground.

“Hey!” A voice suddenly interrupted. Everyone looked back to see Kunsel, standing just outside of the circle of students. “The principal’s coming down this way!”

The crowd dispersed in a wave of panic and confusion, all trying to head different directions to avoid getting caught. Rude, who had Zack pinned to the ground and was getting repeatedly punched in the side of the head for his efforts, immediately let him go and went to tail after Rufus who had begun to leave as fast as possible. Even Rufus knew that he would have trouble convincing an authority figure that he was completely blameless, considering the Cloud’s state and the large gash across Zack’s mouth.

Zack lay there on the ground for a few seconds, trying to catch his breath. Then, upon realizing that he was about to get in about 10 times more trouble than he was in before, he desperately starting trying to get up.

“Hold on, there” Kunsel kneeled by his side, steadying him. “You don’t need to rush. There’s nobody actually coming.”

Zack stared at Kunsel, dumbfounded, then gave him a little grin when he finally understood what his friend had done. “All right. Good thinking, Kunsel.” He still pushed himself up off the ground, quickly shaking his head when Kunsel offered him a hand. “Thanks, but—” In a flash he was kneeling in front of Cloud, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Cloud, talk to me! Are you okay?!”

Cloud opened his eyes again and Zack’s face slowly came into focus. All of Zack’s anger from before had all but completely vanished and was replaced by a deeply troubled and concerned expression. Cloud nodded slowly as he felt guilt begin to seep into his thoughts.

“Are you sure?! Jeeze, man, your face is just—Can you stand up for me? Here, I’ll help you.” Without waiting for a response from Cloud, Zack wrapped his arms around the other boy’s waist, gently pulling him up to his feet, then grabbed one of Cloud’s arms to wrap around his shoulder to provide support.   
“Here, Kunsel, you just grab his other arm like—There ya go. All right, let’s see if we can make it to the bathroom like this.” With a grunt they supported Cloud through the few steps it took to get there. Once they were in the door, Zack took over, cautiously putting Cloud’s arms down on the sink so he could support himself. “Can you stand up like that yourself, Cloud? Okay it looks like you’re doing good with that so far…I’ll take it from here, man. I appreciate it.” 

He gave Kunsel a small smile as the other nodded and turned to go with a mumbled “You two take care of yourselves, seriously…”

And with that, the two of them were left alone. Zack wasted no time in grabbing a huge handful of toilet paper then tilting Cloud’s head back so he could try and stop his still mildly bleeding nose. “Jesus, your nose is still really…Okay just hold that there and stay still, okay?”

Cloud silently did as he was told, catching a look at his refection as he did so and internally wincing. It wasn’t surprising that Zack was so worried about him, with his swollen lip and dried blood all down his face from how badly his nose had been bleeding. There were cuts and bruises all over his face as well, though he supposed that was what happened when you have your face slammed against a metal door several times.

_I look…pathetic._

Cloud turned around so he wouldn’t have to continue looking at his own pitiful reflection staring back at him, leaning his back against the sink instead. Zack was already back with a dampened paper towel and began to gently wipe at the blood on his face. It stung a little when he did that, but like hell Cloud was going to say anything about it.

“That freaking creep, what the hell was he—Hey, keep holding that on your nose. It looks like the bleeding finally stopped but you gotta be careful about that sorta thing.”

_Is this really how it is? Am I really this weak?_ Cloud’s eyes drifted to the ground, avoiding Zack’s troubled expression. _I couldn’t do anything to help him before, and then when I actually try to do something, he ends up saving ME…_

Zack tossed the dirtied paper towels in the trash, having gotten Cloud’s face about as clean as it was going to get with nothing but water. There was silence at first and it was obvious that Zack was trying to wait for Cloud to say something. After a few seconds, though, he seemed to realize Cloud was going to keep staring at the bathroom tile.

“Cloud—”

Cloud felt his body tense up at the raw concern in his friend’s voice.

“Cloud, what the hell **happened**? Why was Rufus starting something with you all of a sudden?!”

Cloud glanced upwards, opening his mouth to say something, then shook his head and glanced to the side.

“Cloud…!”

He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh before he muttered softly. “He didn’t start anything” He opened his eyes, moving his head slightly so that he could meet Zack’s gaze. “I hit him first.”

Zack obviously hadn’t been expecting that, if the suddenly flabbergasted expression on his face was any indication.

“You…started it?” Zack paused, looking right into Cloud’s eyes. “…Why?”

Cloud slowly clenched his fists then suddenly released all of his frustration at once. “Because he--!” He raised his hand, hitting it against the side of the wall. “He’s the one who told Ms. Cook you were a part of that group of guys who were cheating!” He raised his eyes to look at Zack, determinedly holding his gaze. “He was acting like he knew, like because you were talking to them that obviously meant something, but…!” He put his hand on his chest. “I know you wouldn’t do something like that, Zack…! And I don’t know…I don’t get how anyone could possibly think that you—” He felt his voice beginning to waver and he quickly shook his head. “And you keep saying it’s fine, acting like it’s fine, acting like YOU’RE fine but you’re not! You’re not fine, Zack! I don’t know if you’re able to fool anyone else, but I-…I can tell…” 

Cloud’s eyes were glued to the floor now. Zack was probably still too shocked to talk, so he continued on, his voice softer. “But even if I could tell, I still couldn’t do anything to help you…I couldn’t think of what to say or what to do. So when I heard him bragging like that, I just-…” Cloud closed his eyes tightly. “But I couldn’t even do that right…”

Cloud went silent after that. He was pretty sure that this was the most he had ever spoken at once and probably the longest Zack had gone without saying anything.

That didn’t last much longer, however.

“You-…” Zack’s voice sounded odd and strained and when Cloud looked up at him, he was turned with his back towards Cloud. “You’re really…” Cloud couldn’t really tell at the angle he was at, but it seemed like Zack was quickly wiping his face with the back of his hand. Just as Cloud was about to ask Zack if he was all right, the taller boy turned around to face him, a gentle but cheerful smile on his face. “You’re really something else, you know that?”

Cloud just stared, confused as he could possibly be. “…Huh?”

Zack laughed softly, shaking his head as he began to walk in circles around the bathroom. “Just when I thought you couldn’t surprise me, you go and do something like…” He laughed again, brighter this time. “But seriously, the look on Rufus’ face was classic! He looked like he wanted to spit he was so mad…You hit him, right in the face, huh?” He gave Cloud a cheeky grin. “Bet it felt good.”

Cloud had no idea where this was coming from, but Zack’s true, genuine smile was back for the first time in days and so he couldn’t help but give a small smile in return. “…Yeah.”

“I thought so!” Zack laughed again, ruffling Cloud’s hair playfully. “All right, then!” He did a little fist pump. “I definitely know what I’m gonna do…There’s no way I could do anything else, right? Right!” He stopped walking around in circles, standing right in front of Cloud. “Okay, I’m gonna go to that meeting with the Principal now” He looked at Cloud. “Can you wait for me, outside of the office?” 

Cloud was still looking at him in confusion so Zack added, “So we can walk home together.” He looked as if he was starting to think he had said something wrong. “Is that that, okay?”

Cloud quickly nodded. “Of course it is, but I still don’t—”

“Your arm’s okay, right? Do you need to go to the Nurse’s first?”

“It’s just a little sore now, it’ll be fine.” Cloud frowned apprehensively. “Are you sure you’re okay to go, Zack?”

Zack nodded determinedly. “Yup! Thanks to you.”

Cloud blinked. “Me?” Zack was already starting to walk out the door so Cloud quickly followed after him. “What did I do?”

“Everything!” Zack grinned, looking more and more cheerful by the second. “Look, I know you’re sick of me saying ‘I’ll tell you later’, but I really will tell you after I’m done in here, all right?” Both of them had stopped outside the door to the Principal’s office. “I promise.”

Cloud was about to open his mouth to protest but Zack was looking at him straight in the eyes with an expression that was nothing but open and sincere. Cloud sighed lightly and finally nodded. “…Okay.” Zack smiled and turned to go inside and Cloud quickly added “I’ll be here.”

Zack gave him a thumbs up. “I know.”

***  
“…So I said: ‘Even if you don’t believe me, I know I studied for that test fair and square’. Then Ms. Cook was trying to say something so I just went ‘And I’ll prove it! If you give me the test again but with the questions in a different order, there’s no way I would be able to get a good grade again if I had cheated the first time and just memorized the answer order…’”

It was just beginning to get dark as the boys finally began to head home from school, walking side by side down the road. Cloud found it hard to put into words how relieving it was to be able to just listen quietly as Zack spoke, the sound of his voice making the cold twilight hours seem bright and cheerful.

“You know I never really talked to him that much before, but Principal Hewley is actually a really cool guy…Even if he seems a little stiff at first.” Zack looked to Cloud with a smile. “Ms. Cook was saying that that was a really dumb idea and meant more work for her for no reason, but he was like—” Zack folded his arms, lowering his voice slightly to do an impression of their principal. “If he’s that sure about it, then we should let him defend his honor. After all, these are some serious accusations we’re bringing against him without proof aside from the testimony of one student, in addition to the fact that none of the other boys who were caught implicated Mr. Fair in their scheme” Zack broke character, laughing a bit. “She seemed pretty embarrassed about it at that point, so it came down to either letting me go and forgetting about it or her having to make a new test…So I got released”

“Really? So you’re not in trouble anymore?”

“Nope! Free as a bird now, and I finally got to see how well I did on that test. B+, baby!”

Cloud smiled in amusement as Zack jumped into the air in celebration then glanced to the side. “…So what did you mean, back then?”

Zack slowed down his walk, eventually stopping to look at Cloud. “Back then?”

Cloud was finding it hard to look him in the face for some reason. “That I had done something?”

“Oh! …You really don’t get it?” Cloud shook his head and Zack put his hands behind his head, glancing up thoughtfully. “Well…you were right. I wasn’t feeling okay with everything that was going on. But I didn’t want to make you worry too much about it, or anything like that, but…” He trailed off and Cloud finally looked up at Zack to see a thoughtful expression on his face. “It was getting pretty hard to deal with, so I thought it might be easier to just give in and say I had done it, just to get everything over with.” He lowered his hands to his side. “But you stood up for me, Cloud. Even after getting beat up like that, you believed in me…more than anyone else” 

Zack looked into Cloud’s eyes again and Cloud could feel his heart begin to beat faster at the expression on Zack’s face: gentle and affectionate. “I couldn’t go giving up knowing that. It would have felt too much like letting you down.” 

Cloud tried to get his heart calm down but that was impossible with the way Zack’s smile was so genuine, so heartbreakingly beautiful and completely focused on him.

“So really…Thank you, Cloud”

Cloud was sure that his face had turned at least three shades of red by now. He shook his head quickly, his eyes drifting to the ground. “It wasn’t that big of a deal, Zack…”

“Not true! It definitely was.” Zack put his hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “You’re really the best, Cloud”.

And there was the guilt again. Zack wouldn’t be saying these things, wouldn’t be complimenting him like this if he knew about his true feelings, that it was taking every inch of self-control Cloud had in his body to not lean up and kiss Zack right at this moment. He wanted to hug him, be held by him so, so badly that it hurt.

But he just…couldn’t.

Instead he just shook his head, smiling lightly (and hoping it didn’t look too strained) as he started to walk again. “We should probably get home before your parents start wondering about you”

Zack quickly followed after Cloud so that they were walking side by side again and leaned his arm on the other’s shoulder. “Nah it’s okay, my parents knew I would probably be home late. I’m worried about how your mom is gonna react to you though…”

“She probably won’t believe me if I say I ran face first into my own locker, huh?” Cloud retorted, causing Zack to burst into laughter. 

“Probably not! Maybe say you fell down a flight of stairs?”

“I’m not **that** clumsy…”


	8. The Middle School Years: Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought he could hide it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I got this chapter done pretty fast. It's probably because this is the ones that I first though of in my head when thinking of this story, so hopefully it comes across as well as I would like. Also, if anyone wants to message/follow me on tumblr, you can find me at : http://pianoslave.tumblr.com/. 
> 
> I really appreciate all the comments people have been leaving on this fic, they really really make my day :D

Spring eventually rolled around, sending the frosts and winter chill away to be replaced by blooming flowers, green grass and bright sunshine. Zack was practically vibrating with excitement when the day for soccer try-outs and practice arrived. Cloud was a bit more nervous but Zack’s enthusiasm was contagious, so he couldn’t help himself from being a bit excited as well. As it turns out, all the practicing he had done with Zack in his backyard on weekends and after school had helped.

“All right! Nice work, Cloud!” Zack ran up to Cloud, grinning as he raised his arm. 

Cloud returned the fist-bump, smiling. “Thanks.”

Cloud had just sent a well-aimed kick flying into the goal just after receiving a pass from Zack. To be honest, Zack probably could have made it into the goal from where he was, but the fact that he wanted to give Cloud a chance made his heart swell a little.

The coach blew his whistle, calling all of the boys to him. “All right, I think I’ve seen all I need to see. I’ll post the list of who’s on the varsity and pre-varsity teams in about two days. Got it? Great. That’s it for today!”

The boys began to head back to the locker room, chatting excitably.

“There’s no way you won’t make Varsity, Zack.”

“Aw come on, don’t start with that, you’re gonna make his head get even bigger.”

“Like that could happen!”

“Hey, hey, come on now!” Zack laughed, obviously comfortable being the center of attention. Unlike Cloud, he absolutely loved talking to and being surrounded by people. “I think we all did pretty well.” He looked to Cloud, ruffling his hair. “Right?”

Cloud nodded. “I actually did better than I thought I was going to…”

“See?! I told you, you weren’t gonna have anything to worry about!” Zack did an excited fist pump. “I can’t wait until we actually get going. It’s gonna be great!”

Zack continued talking to some of the other boys, laughing and smiling, while Cloud walked next to him, quietly watching and listening. It was during times like this that the difference between the two of them was apparent to Cloud: Zack loved talking to people while Cloud sometimes had difficulty making conversation. Zack was open and friendly to practically every person he came across while Cloud, on the other hand, was…not, to say the least. 

_We probably only ended up friends because Zack’s just so easy to get along with in the first place_ Cloud thought.

Though, to be fair, his more closed-off personality had come in handy during these last few months. Cloud was constantly at odds with his own teenage hormones which were, as usual, not helped by Zack’s love of playing with his hair, leaning on him, hugging him and in general not showing any hesitation at invading Cloud’s personal space. If he wasn’t having dreams that left him aching and frustrated but far too guilty to actually do anything about (he had gotten into the habit of waiting to shower until the morning so he could quickly jump in some cold water) Cloud found himself just staring at Zack. Staring and taking pleasure in observing the little things, like how his eyes would crinkle when he smiled or how he would have to bite back his own laughter before he could finish a joke.

Of course, sometimes Zack would notice and look at him curiously, asking him if something was wrong. Cloud had become an expert in quickly transitioning his face into a neutral expression, giving one of the best poker faces he could as he would shake his head or tease him and tell him something was on his face.

In fact, he had become so good at it that Cloud was beginning to think that he could keep those thoughts hidden from Zack forever. After all, if Zack hadn’t started to suspect anything by now, there’s no way Cloud would do anything to give himself away. Or so he thought.

“Ah, it’s so hot! A shower’s gonna feel good now, right Cloud?”

“Huh?” Cloud was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his name and realized that they were standing just outside of the locker room. He felt his stomach drop when he realized what was about to happen, something he hadn’t thought of when he had first agreed to try being on the team with Zack.

“Something wrong, Cloud?”

“Heh, what’s wrong, you ner-” Their teammate was immediately shut down by a harsh glare from Zack.

“Hey, cut it out” Zack expression softened when he looked at Cloud. “What’s wrong? You not feeling good?”

Cloud quickly shook his head and began to head inside. “I’m fine.”

He wasn’t fine. He definitely was not at **all** fine. It had been okay getting changed in here before practice, he had just come in a few minutes early so he could avoid running into Zack. But now they were all in here together and there was no way for him to avoid the other boy.

He had just missed the perfect opportunity, too. Maybe if he had told Zack he had gotten overheated or was feeling sick to his stomach and had run off to the nurse, he would have been able to avoid this whole situation. But he just really hated lying to Zack…

Well, it wouldn’t have been a total lie. He was definitely feeling sick to his stomach now but for reasons other than running around in the heat.

“Whew, I actually do feel kind of tired after all that. Mom should be happy though, she’s always telling me I need to do something to get rid of all my excess energy.”

Of course Zack was standing right next to him. Of course Zack would pick the locker right next to his as he began to pull the shirt off over his head and Cloud was trying as hard has he could to pick a spot on the ground and focus on that above everything else. If only his heart would stop beating so fast he could probably force himself to look calm but now his hands were beginning to tremble as he fumbled with his bag and Cloud knew he wasn’t going to be able to get through this.

“It definitely was a lot of fun, though! I’m glad you agreed to join up with me, Cloud, it wouldn’t have been the same without you here.”

Zack was probably looking at him so Cloud quickly nodded to avoid suspicion. He bit the inside of his mouth when he caught Zack’s figure out the corner of his eye and saw that the older boy was starting to shimmy out of his shorts.

Cloud couldn’t stop his head from turning to get a better look and he felt his heart stop when he did get the whole picture.

Zack was absolutely striking. His most recent growth spurt during the winter and all of his time spent outside doing physical activity had done wonders for his already lean and tan body. Cloud had started to avoid seeing Zack in anything less than a t-shirt and shorts when he started having those dreams and now he knew for sure why. He could feel his body beginning to react, a heat spreading from his face all the way down. Cloud felt two distinct sensations rushing through his blood: a burning desire that would had been obvious if he took his shorts off mixed and an ice-cold terror that kept him rooted in one spot, staring. 

Kunsel, who was trying out for the team as well, called out to Zack just as he looked about to ask Cloud something- probably wondering why he was just standing there and hadn’t started changing yet.

“What are you doing over there, Zack? Hurry up!”

“All right, all right, don’t use all the hot water!” Obviously expecting Cloud to follow after him, Zack pulled off his boxer shorts, haphazardly tossing them into the locker as he walked towards the showers.

Cloud kept staring after Zack then quickly forced himself to look away, leaning against the lockers and breathing heavily, trying to calm himself down. But it was too late. He had just seen his best friend of 7 years naked and his body was being disgustingly obvious about how that made him feel.

_…I can’t… ___

__Without so much as a backwards glance, Cloud swung his bag over his shoulder and ran out of the locker room as fast as he could. Fearing that Zack or someone else would notice he was gone and start trying to come after him, he didn’t stop running, not even when he was out of the school building and halfway down the road to his house. He didn’t even stop when he heard the text sound go off several times from the phone stuffed inside his bag._ _

__He was barely able to get the key in the door his hands were shaking so badly. Luckily, his mother was still at work, so there was no one to ask him what had happened or what was going on as he sprinted all the way up to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Without waiting for the water to warm up, Cloud haphazardly tore off his clothes and jumped in, his breathing ragged as he felt the water run down his hot skin._ _

__During his panicked state, Cloud hadn’t had time to think about what was happening. Now that he was alone with his thoughts, however, the full force of humiliation, frustration, guilt and self-loathing hit him all at once and Cloud had to lean on the wall for support. He bit back a scream of frustration, slamming his fist against the tile as he was nearly overwhelmed by his own feelings._ _

__How could he even look Zack in the face at this point?! What excuse could he possibly think to give Zack as to why he just ran out of the locker room with no prior warning? Zack would be able to see through any lie he told him and all Cloud would be able to think about were his own guilty thoughts and—_ _

__“Damn it!” Cloud hit the wall again, which did nothing to relieve his frustration and only served to bruise his fist. “Damn it…! Why? Why am I being like this?!” He choked out, grabbing and pulling on his hair as he leaned his forehead against the tile. “…Zack…” Cloud sunk to the shower floor, both physically and emotionally exhausted. He sat there for a long time, letting the cool water run over him._ _

___If it was going to be like this, why couldn’t I have been born a girl?_ _ _

__He closed his eyes._ _

___Maybe then, he could have returned my feelings but, like this, they’re just…_ _ _

__Pointless._ _

__***_ _

__Cloud woke up the next morning, groggy and disgusting. He had somehow made it to bed before his mom came home during the evening and had quietly declined an invitation to come down to dinner, citing a sick stomach. He had planned on telling her he felt sick in the morning so that he wouldn’t have to go to school but it seemed like he wouldn’t have to fib to her after all._ _

__Apparently sprinting all the way home after a soccer practice and sitting in a cold shower for an hour wasn’t exactly great for the body. Cloud’s throat was sore and when he tried to sit up, he felt feverish and dizzy and had to lie back down._ _

__He glanced at the phone on his nightstand, which was angrily flashing at him. He still hadn’t checked any of the messages from yesterday._ _

__“…Honey?” Cloud’s mother peeked into his room then slowly walked over to his bed. “Cloud, Zack just got here. He says he hasn’t heard anything from you since yesterday…Did something happen?” She reached her hand over to his forehead, feeling the warmth of his skin. “Oh sweetie, you’re burning up. I’ll tell him you’re not going to school, okay?”_ _

__Cloud just nodded and pulled the covers tighter over himself and closed his eyes. He could hear the faint sound of Zack’s voice drifting up the stairs then the door close. After a few minutes he finally reached over to his cell phone and flipped it open. There were 7 unread text messages and one voice mail._ _

__He read the message first, figuring that would be easier._ _

__**From: Zack:**  
**Where the heck did you go???** _ _

__**From: Zack**  
**Dude, I’m serious. Kunsel said you just ran out. Are you okay?** _ _

__**From: Zack**  
**Okay I’ve got my clothes on I’m coming over now** _ _

__**From: Zack**  
**I knocked on the door and no one answered, you home?** _ _

__**From: Zack**  
**Cloud I’m getting worried here. I’m calling you. You seriously better pick up!** _ _

__**From: Zack**  
**Your mom said you weren’t feeling good and you weren’t gonna come to school today. Is that why you left yesterday?** _ _

__**From: Zack**  
**P.S. I’ll grab whatever homework there is for you** _ _

__Cloud scrolled through the messages several times, clicking “Reply” and moving to type something. Each time, though, he would freeze and begin to click through his phone again. After a few minutes, he finally worked up the courage to listen to the voice mail, holding the phone up to his ear as the recording of Zack’s voice began to sound through the speaker, concerned and confused-sounding_ _

___”Hey, it’s Zack…Well, obviously it’s me. Anyway, I know you never pick up your phone but…Can you at least text me back?”_ Cloud could hear the sound of Zack sighing in frustration. _”I’m getting worried, here. Just let me know what’s going on, okay?__ _

__Cloud spent a long time staring at his phone before putting it on silent and tossing to the ground, then pulling the covers over his head._ _

___I'm sorry, Zack..._ _ _

__A long, but not restful, sleep later, Cloud woke up to the sun streaming through his window. A glance at his clock told him he had slept through most of the day: it was 3:30 pm now. Sighing, he closed his eyes again, only to be jolted awake when he heard the voice of the very last person that he wanted to see right now._ _

__“Cloud! I’ve got your homework! I’m coming up, okay?”_ _

__His mother must have left the door unlocked when she went to work so Zack could just let himself in like he had dozens of times before when Cloud was sick and home alone. Usually the sound of Zack letting himself in to his house would fill Cloud with excitement but now it left him feeling nothing but dread._ _

__Cloud quickly rolled over so that his back was facing the doorway, curling in on himself as he heard the sound of Zack’s footsteps ascending the stairway. Zack tapped lightly on the door but that was only a usual formality, as he pushed it open and let himself in anyway._ _

__“Jeeze, you’re still in bed? You must be pretty sick, huh?” Cloud heard the sound of rustling papers as Zack placed his assignments on his desk. “Did you get my messages?”_ _

__Cloud remained silent for a few seconds, then mumbled. “No…sorry.”_ _

__“Ah, don’t worry about it. Yesterday you just disappeared all of a sudden so I was trying to figure out what the heck you were doing”_ _

__The mattress sunk down as Zack sat at the edge of it near Cloud’s feet. Cloud tried to bury his face further into the pillow, trying to hide how tense and red his face was becoming. “So how’re you feeling now? Your mom said you looked kind of awful when she checked on you this morning. You still got a fever?”_ _

__Zack began to reach over to place his hand against Cloud’s forehead and the blonde visibly tensed away, causing Zack to freeze._ _

__A rather awkward atmosphere suddenly descended upon them, something that neither of the boys had dealt with before._ _

__“…Sorry.” Cloud’s voice was muffled as he had his face pressed against the pillow. “I don’t want you to catch this, Zack…You should probably just go home.”_ _

__Zack was obviously taken aback, as when either of them had been sick in the past, the other would usually keep them company and distract them from the boredom of being stuck in bed all day. “I— You’re sure? I mean…I don’t really mind, but…” Zack quickly shook off the surprise in his voice and it turned cheerful again. “Okay, just let me know if you need anything.” He patted Cloud’s leg and hopped off the bed, going to scoop up his bag off the floor. “You need some water or something before I go?”_ _

__Cloud shook his head, unable to force himself to talk anymore._ _

__“Okay, then…Feel better, Cloud.” Zack looked back at him, hesitating a few seconds before closing the door behind him._ _

__Cloud pulled the pillow over his head as he heard the sound of the house door slam, wishing he could just sink down into the mattress and disappear forever._ _


	9. The Middle School Years: Push

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if they weren't so close, maybe if Cloud could put some distance between himself and Zack, things would be easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter I've been thinking out and planning for a long time, so I hope it comes across well.

That night, Cloud didn’t get much sleep. He mostly just lay there, eyes open as he stared up at the ceiling and listened to the sounds of the crickets outside. For some reason, whenever he closed his eyes, he kept thinking back to a conversation he had had with Zack many years ago, when they had just become friends. 

The two of them were over at Zack’s house and he had just brought two popsicles outside to share. Cloud had ended up dropping his into the dirt.

_”Ah! Well, guess the ants are getting that one. I don’t think we have any more in the freezer though…Here!” Zack took a quick bite out of his before handing it to Cloud. “You can have the rest of mine!”_

_Cloud had taken it, not sure how to respond at first. “Why…? Don’t you want it?”_

_It’s okay, I already had some.” He grinned cheerfully. “We’re friends, so we’ll share!”_

_“Friends, huh…”_

_“Well, we are, right?”_

_“I think so…I’ve never had one before, so…”_

_Zack had looked genuinely surprised. “You? Really?! Hm…” He paused for a moment, then smiled. “Then, let’s make a promise!”_

_“A promise?”_

_Zack held out his pinkie. “You and me…We’ll always be friends, Cloud!” He grinned earnestly. “Okay?”_

_Cloud had broken into a wide smile, nodding, and linking his pinkie with Zack’s. “Okay!”_

Cloud opened his eyes, staring at his right hand. “Promise, huh…” He sighed, rolling on his side as he tried to block any other thoughts from his mind and go back to sleep.

The next morning, Cloud awoke to the sound of his alarm buzzing irritably. He groaned as he turned it off, burying further under the covers. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with trying to stay home from school two days in a row, especially since he no longer had a fever and was feeling pretty healthy. Well, healthy aside from the ice-cold pit in his stomach.

After a few minutes, he finally forced himself out from under the covers and trudged over to the bathroom. He grimaced at the sight of own reflection: he still had circles under his eyes and his spikes were in disarray from staying in bed for a whole day. He quickly splashed cold water on his face, scrubbing at his skin and hoping that he could at least make himself look normal on the outside by the time Zack got here.

Because he had stayed in bed longer than normal, Cloud barely had time to chug a glass of orange juice before Zack arrived. The older boy opened the front door, looking a bit more subdued than usual until he spotted Cloud at the kitchen table and immediately perked up.

“So you are feeling better, huh?” He closed the door behind him, immediately going over to the table and leaning against it with a smile as he waved to his mother. “Morning, Ms. Strife.”

His mother, who was just heading out the door herself, smiled and waved back. “Hello, Zack.” She looked to Cloud, still looking worried. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay to go to school, Cloud?”

Cloud shook his head quickly, pushing his seat in as he stood up. “It’s fine…I feel better.” His voice sounded strained even to his own ears and he could see a flicker of concern behind Zack’s eyes. “I’m just kind of tired, that’s all”

“Okay, have a good day, then. You too, Zack.” And with that, she was gone, and it was just him and Zack left there. Cloud could feel his entire body beginning to tense up so he quickly went over to the door to pull his shoes on, trying to get some distance between him and Zack.

Zack, of course, followed him like a puppy.

“Are you really okay?” He asked, looking concerned. “You still look kind of pale…Well, more than usu—”

“I **said** I feel fine, Zack!” Cloud snapped, causing Zack to visibly flinch in surprise. Cloud glanced up at his friend’s face, feeling his own burn in shame as Zack looked like a dog who had just been kicked by its’ owner. “Sorry…Don’t worry so much about it. Let’s just go, okay?” He added in a softer tone and began to walk out the door.

“Right…” Zack replied, quickly following after him. 

All along the way to school Cloud did his best to carry on conversation with Zack as usual but every time he would look at him, Cloud would flash back to the whole disaster in the locker room and look to the side or on the ground, his entire body tense. He just hoped that Zack wouldn’t really notice much was wrong but, judging by the thoughtful expression on Zack’s face, he probably did. Cloud tried even harder to hide it by walking a little bit faster, just enough to put a bit more distance between him and the other boy. 

“…Cloud.”

“…Huh?” Cloud stopped after a moment, realizing that Zack had suddenly stopped walking. “…W-What is it?”

Zack frowned, a more serious expression on his face than Cloud was used to seeing. “What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

Cloud felt his breath catch in his throat. _Yes. There’s something wrong._

“…No…Why are you asking?”

_I like you._

Zack folded his arms, tilting his head slightly. “You’re just kind of acting, I dunno…different, I guess.”

_No, I probably love you…_

Cloud kept his face neutral. “Different?”

Zack scratched his head, glancing to the side. “I don’t really know how to explain it.”

_I’m sorry._

Cloud shook his head, turning away from Zack and starting to walk again. “You’re just imaging things. Anyway, we’re gonna be late if we don’t keep going.”

Zack reached after him, obviously not finished with what he had to say. “Hey, Cloud…!” Sighing, he jogged to catch up with him. “I’m coming, hold on!”

***

Cloud was actually pretty proud of himself for making it through the morning of classes in one piece. Much to his aggravation, Zack had spent the whole time periodically glancing over at him, watching his face as if he was trying to figure something out. Even without looking over at him, Cloud could just **feel** Zack’s eyes on him and had several panic-filled moments of thinking that Zack had figured him out, that he could somehow look at Cloud’s eyes and completely understand his feelings.

When the bell rang for lunch, however, Zack just smiled at him normally as he suggested they eat at one of the outside tables that day since it was so bright and sunny. Cloud nodded, mechanically putting away his things in his bag. 

_If he does know, could he just be acting like he doesn’t?_ Cloud frowned, clenching the straps of his bag tighter. _Is he…making fun of me?_ Cloud shook his head, quickly banishing that thought from his mind. _No, Zack wouldn’t do that._

Zack waved to Kunsel and another boy from their class, grinning as they sat down to join them. “Hey, you guys had the same idea, huh?”

_What kind of person am I for thinking something like that, anyway…_

Kunsel grinned back. “Of course! I’m not going to stay inside more than I have to.”

“Seriously! I’m sick of being cooped up all day. By the way, when did he say the soccer team list was gonna be posted again?”

Cloud froze.

“Jeeze, Zack, you really don’t remember something from two days ago?” Kunsel looked mildly exasperated but not truly irritated. “It’s at the end of the day today, remember?”

“Oh yeah!” Zack laughed, rubbing the back of his head. “Guess I wasn’t really listening at that point…”

Kunsel shook his head with a sigh, though he had an amused smile on his face. “Typical…”

“You’re such— Cloud?” Zack was staring up at Cloud, who had just stood up suddenly. “What’s up?”

“I’m not really feeling hungry. I’m just going to walk around in the fresh air a while.” Cloud replied stiffly.

“Huh? Then, I—”

“You don’t need to come with me Zack. It’s not like I’ll get lost without you.” Cloud said quickly, sounding much harsher than he intended. Immediately regretting his words, he walked off before he could see the hurt look on Zack’s face and feel even worse about himself.

“…Jeeze, what’s up with him? You two fighting, or something?” The third boy asked.

Kunsel scoffed. “Those two? Are you joking? I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for them to have a fight. Right?” He looked to Zack with a smile, though it faded when Zack didn’t immediately reply and just stared after Cloud’s retreating form.

“Huh? Oh…right.”  
***

“…You want to quit? Are you sure?”

The soccer coach, a gruff but kind-looking man, was sitting in the athletic office, staring at the blonde who was standing across from him.

“Yeah…that’s right.”

Cloud couldn’t bring himself to raise his eyes from the floor as the older man let out a long sigh. “Well, I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to tell the reason even if I ask you…Are you **sure** though?” He frowned slightly. “You and Fair are pretty close, right? I know the results don’t get posted for another two hours but you two were going to be on the Varsity team together”

Cloud felt his heart sink as Zack’s words from earlier rang through his mind.

_“I’m glad you agreed to join up with me, Cloud, it wouldn’t have been the same without you here.”_

Cloud bowed his head slightly, voice strained with the effort it was taking not to break down, not to be broken by his guilt and frustration. “Yeah, I just…sorry…I’ve got to get to class now…Thank you for your time.” He quickly turned and walked out, unable to see another look of disappointment directed at him for what seemed like the 10th time today.

Cloud felt awful about breaking his promise to Zack but there was no way he would be able to deal with the locker room situation again. It would most likely break their friendship entirely…

…Well, whatever was left of their friendship after Zack found out that Cloud quit without telling him.

He spent a long while in the bathroom after that, just taking time to be alone. So long, in fact, that he walked into class two minutes late. He purposefully ignored the worried and confused look Zack was giving him, immediately turning in his seat to look at the board instead.

He wasn’t able to look him in the face the rest of the day.

When class finally did end, Zack glanced at Cloud, looking a bit apprehensive about what to say. That only served to make Cloud feel worse, the fact that this awkward tension that had sprung up between them was entirely his fault.

“So…” Zack started, transitioning his voice into a more cheerful tone. “You wanna go see the team results? They should be up now.”

Cloud swallowed. “You…go ahead without me, Zack. I just need to ask the teacher something”

Zack deflated slightly. “You sure?” He paused for a moment, giving Cloud a chance to change his mind, then resignedly stood up. “Okay…See you in a bit, then.”

Cloud waited until Zack was out of sight before quickly grabbing his bag and rushing out the door. Unlike last time, he didn’t feel the need to sprint all the way home. In fact, once he was out the door, he found himself moving rather slowly as he walked down the road, almost like he was being weighed down.

With all the guilt he felt from lying to Zack, from how badly he had treated him in the past two days, from quitting the team without saying anything to him and everything else, it was no wonder his heart felt so heavy.

Cloud continued down the road in silence for a few minutes, trying not to think about what Zack’s reaction was going to be. Then he heard the sound of someone running behind him followed by a voice that made him freeze in his tracks.

“Cloud…!”

Cloud slowly turned around, his stomach feeling like a block of ice as he glanced at Zack, who stopped a few feet away from him, panting to catch his breath.

“…Z-Zack…”

Once Zack finally caught his breath, he righted himself, his face a mix of confusion, hurt and frustration. “What the hell, man? What was that about? Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Cloud couldn’t take the look in Zack’s eyes anymore and turned his body to side, eyes shifting to the ground. “…About what?” He asked softly.

“You know what!” He pointed at him. “Coach said you came into his office this afternoon and said you were quitting, Cloud! You didn’t— Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Cloud suddenly spun on his heel so that he was facing Zack, his fists clenched tightly. “So what if I didn’t tell you? Do I have to ask your permission for everything…?!”

Zack looked visibly stunned, his angry expression quickly turning to one of surprise and guilt. “That’s- No that’s-…Of course you don’t! That’s not what I’m trying to…”

“Then what is it? Maybe I just didn’t feel like being on the team anymore. I didn’t want to in the first place, remember? You’re the one that kept bugging me about it in the first place!”

“That’s…I didn’t- This isn’t what I’m trying to say!”

Cloud turned away, feeling his entire body trembling. “Then what are you trying to say?”

“I’m just—” Zack shook his head quickly, then looked to Cloud with a pleading expression. “This on top of everything else that’s happened in the past two days, I **know** something’s wrong, Cloud!”

_…Maybe…Maybe this will be easier…_

“You suddenly disappear after practice, you don’t answer **any** of my messages or even call me back when I leave you a voice mail…And you were home, weren’t you?! When I came over to your house to check on you? Didn’t you hear me knocking?”

_Maybe if we’re not as close anymore, it’ll be easier to deal with this…_

“And then you acted so weird when I came and brought you your homework and you’ve barely looked me in the eye **all day** today and now this—Hey!” Zack called out to Cloud, who had begun to walk away. Cloud ignored his calls, so Zack quickly went after him, grabbing his hand. “Cloud!”

“Just cut it **out** , Zack!” Cloud forcefully wrenched his hand out of Zack’s grasp. “Stop being so annoying!”

There was nothing but silence between them for what seemed like the longest few seconds of Cloud’s life and Cloud was sure he had never regretted something he said more than in that moment. 

Hesitating, he finally glanced back to look at Zack, his heart dropping to his stomach when he saw the expression on his friend’s face.

In all the years that Cloud had been friends with Zack, he had only seen him cry twice, even when they were children. Once was when Cloud thought that his mother was thinking of moving again, so Zack had pleaded with her with tears in his eyes to please let Cloud stay, only to receive a pat on the head and a reassurance that she wasn’t taking Cloud anywhere. The second time was when they had found an injured kitten on the road while they were out playing. They had taken it to Zack’s house to try and nurse it back to health, but to no avail, and Zack’s father gave it a proper burial in their back yard. Cloud had sat with Zack for a long time after that, arms around his older friend’s shoulders as he let him cry.

But now Zack was staring at him with wide eyes that were slowly filling with tears, his hand that had been knocked back still hanging in front of him. “I…” His voice sounded strained and Cloud immediately wished he could take everything from the last few days back.

“Z-…Zack…I—” Cloud started, completely unsure of what he was trying to or even wanted to say.

“…I knew it…” Zack bit his lip, obviously trying to hold them back, but tears began to slowly drip down his face. “I knew it…I really did do something awful, didn’t I…?”

Cloud had no idea how to respond so he just continued to stare at Zack, wide eyed.

“I was thinking that you might be mad at me…when you wouldn’t answer my texts…and I was trying think of what I could’ve done, but—” He quickly rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand. “But for you to act like this…It must’ve been something really bad, right?! But I can’t think of what it could be, so…” Zack looked at Cloud. “So can’t you just tell me what I did, so I can apologize and make it up to you?”

Cloud stared back, feeling a bit like crying himself. Not only had he just made Zack, the kindest and most giving person he knew cry, but Zack also thought it was something that **he** had done to make Cloud mad.

_I’m the one who’s guilty, Zack, you didn’t do anything. Of course you didn’t do anything! You’ve been nothing but nice to me, the best friend anyone could ask for, and look at how I repay you…_ Cloud bit his lip, a lump beginning to form in his throat. He didn’t know which one made him more of a coward: the fact that he tried pushing Zack away to avoid facing his feelings, or that he found himself completely unable to go through with it. 

Either way, the fact that he had done this to Zack solidified his sub-par opinion of himself.

“Zack…” He muttered softly, quickly closing the distance between them and taking Zack’s hands in his own, squeezing them tightly. “It’s not—” He swallowed quickly, trying to keep himself from breaking down right there. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything…I promise, I’m not mad at you, okay?”

Hesitantly, Zack raised his eyes, sniffling. “R-Really…?”

Cloud nodded quickly, forcing himself to meet Zack’s eyes. “Yeah…”

“Then, what was—”

Cloud shook his head, glancing to the side. “It’s…I was just thinking something over, I guess.”

“Thinking something over?” Zack repeated, blinking in surprise. “Thinking what over?”

“I can’t…tell you…” Cloud lowered his head, staring down at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

Zack pressed Cloud’s hands, frowning deeply. “Cloud…”

“I’m sorry, Zack, I just— I can’t, I really…” Cloud squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then opened them to look back up at Zack’s face. There were still a few tears running down his friend’s cheeks and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching over to wipe them away. “I’m really really sorry, Zack, please don’t cry…”

For the first time Zack looked a little embarrassed, taking one of his hands out of Cloud’s so he could scrub at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I-I’m not crying...” If Cloud’s heart wasn’t hurting so much, he probably would have laughed a little at how cute that was.

Zack took a deep breath, having calmed down some. “So you’re really not gonna tell me?” His frown deepened as Cloud avoided his gaze again. “Then…are you in trouble something? Can I not help at all?”

Cloud shook his head, still not meeting his gaze. “Sorry…But, I think I’m finished thinking about it and come to a decision.”

“A decision, huh…” Zack folded his arms, trying to study Cloud’s face and see if he could get an answer out of that. “And you’re not gonna tell me what was up with you quitting the team?” Zack sighed deeply after a few seconds, Cloud’s silence telling him what the answer to that question was. “Jeeze…”

“Sorry…” Cloud mumbled again, feeling like no matter times he apologized, it was never going to be enough.

Zack sighed again, staying quiet for a few moments. Cloud was afraid to break the silence, wondering if Zack was going to be justifiably angry at him for his refusal to confess what was truly bothering him.

“…Okay.”

Cloud looked up at Zack, eyes widened in surprise. “H-Huh?”

“I said, okay.” Zack still looked extremely worried but his face had lost its frustrated edge. “If you don’t wana tell me then…I don’t wanna force you. But just so you know, I’m here for you, okay? You know that, right?”

Cloud had to look away, trying to hide the tears welling up in his own eyes as he nodded silently.

Zack let out a soft laugh, though it was a bit tired-sounding from all the yelling and crying from before and pulled Cloud into a hug. “What am I gonna do with you…”

Cloud stiffened at first before quickly relaxing into the hug, though his arms remained loosely hanging by his side. He felt that if he let himself hug Zack back that really was going to be beyond the limit of what he could take. He did indulge himself a little, though, as he leaned against Zack slightly, enjoying the feeling of Zack’s warmth surrounding him.

It really wasn’t worth hurting Zack to spare himself the pain. Although it hurt to love him and not tell him his feelings, Cloud realized it was impossible to bring himself to separate from Zack, to lose the constant warmth of his presence. 

Maybe with time the wound on his heart would heal, or at least just fade into a dull ache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course I was listening to the Crisis Core track while writing the end of this chapter. "The Price of Freedom" came on at the end.... ;_;
> 
> This is going to be the end of Zack and Cloud's time in middle school, so expect a nice year-long timeskip next time!


	10. To A New Post

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later. Zack and Cloud: Age 16.

“…And of course, now that most of you will be entering into your Sophomore year, you should be thinking about what you want out of life and, of course, what your hopes and dreams for the future are.”

“…Psst.” Cloud elbowed a nearly-asleep Zack next to him. “You’re gonna get in trouble if you get caught like that.”

The two of them were sitting next to each other in the auditorium during the principal’s end of the year speech. Zack was doing is best to look focused, but his head kept nodding forward and his chin had just slipped out from his palm.

Zack groaned, reaching his arms up for a stretch. “Not like it’s my fault…” He whispered back. “I was up all night studying for that damn Calculus final”

“Well, maybe you wouldn’t have had to do that if you had started earlier than the night before” Cloud replied, turning his head back towards the stage so that he would at least look like he was paying attention.

“Aw come on…You know how it is.”

Cloud raised an eyebrow. “Do I?”

Zack gave him a lopsided grin, the kind that usually appeared on his face when he was trying to get out of trouble. Cloud used to just find it cute but, since Zack had lost his baby face after his last growth spurt, it seemed more handsome than anything else. Cloud could see why it had gotten to be pretty effective with the girls in their class. “Well after soccer practice, I’ve got a full schedule…like kicking your butt at Super Smash Brothers. Who’s got time for studying with all that going on?”

Cloud sighed and rolled his eyes, but was obviously suppressing an amused smile. “You beat me once and suddenly your head grows twenty times its normal size” 

Zack lightly pushed Cloud’s shoulder, his own shaking due to suppressed laughter. “Excuse me?” This caused Cloud to quickly cover his mouth with his hand to block his own laughter, though the both of them quickly straightened up when they caught a glare from the Vice Principal.

_I should probably at least be trying to pay attention. He is talking about us, after all_ Cloud thought, watching Zack out of the corner of his eye as his friend began to try and sit still then slowly transitioned into leaning his cheek against his hand again, eyelids drooping.

Their town was so small and its educational funds so limited that they didn’t even really have a proper high school. They were able to scrounge up the money for a joint elementary and middle school building but when it came to high school, arguably the stepping stone into getting into a good college or job, the town just couldn’t compete. That was why, unless they wanted to help out with a family business, most of the kids eventually set off to different boarding schools in the cities nearby. 

_Our dreams for the future…I don’t even know what mine are, at this point._ Cloud glanced over at Zack again, who had fully fallen asleep. _I wonder what Zack’s are._

Cloud elbowed Zack again, waking him up just as the Vice Principal walked by their row.

***

“Ah man, what a drag!” Zack flopped down in the grassy field. “Who yells at a guy for just looking tired, huh?”

Cloud sat next to Zack, lying down a bit more carefully. “Well, I did try and wake you up in time before he noticed anything.” Cloud put his arms behind his head, staring up at the sky.

It was a clear, warm day, the kind that set up the easy transition from spring into summer. Zack was finished with soccer practices, as the season had ended a few days ago, so he was able to head home with Cloud straight after school. Neither of them really wanted to stay stuck inside on a day like this, though, so they followed one of their well-explored paths to a field just a few minutes from Cloud’s house.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Zack stretched out his arms above his head. “Either way, it’s been forever since I’ve had so much free time after class. I do feel kinda sad about the season being done but…thank god summer vacation finally got here!”

Cloud nodded, unable to help the slight twinge in his stomach that would occur whenever Zack mentioned being on the team. Since he had quit last year, there were several days during the season that he had gone home before Zack, since the other boy had practice or games to attend. It had felt a little lonely at first, but Zack always seemed eager to come over after he was done, even if he looked slightly exhausted from all the running around during practice.

A hint of guilt began to darken his mood. Zack was right when he mentioned his busy schedule before. If Zack didn’t try and hang out with him so often, he probably would have more time to study and not have to cram so much before exams…

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a light flick to the head. Cloud grunted, half-heartedly knocking Zack’s hand away. “What was that for?”

“You were getting that look on your face again” Zack replied, putting his hands under his head. “The ‘Cloud’s-getting-stuck-in-sad-thoughts’ look he added in response to the confused look on the other’s face, causing him to frown lightly. “And now you’re pouting. So what’s on your mind?”

Cloud paused thoughtfully. “Just…stuff.”

Zack snorted in response. “Okay, you got one more chance before I start trying to tickle it out of you.”

Cloud immediately held his hands up as reflex, knowing Zack would most likely make good on that threat. “Okay, okay.” He shifted his gaze towards the sky again, watching as the clouds lazily rolled by in the light breeze. “…What did you think about what the Principal said today?”

“Hm? Which part?” Zack rolled his head to the side to look over at Cloud. “I was kind of half-conscious for most of that.”

“Mostly the part about…what we planned to do, I guess.”

“Ah! I get what you’re saying. ‘Hopes and dreams’ and all that…” Zack paused, causing Cloud to look over at him after a few seconds to check if he had fallen asleep. “Hm, I guess I have kind of been thinking about it.” 

Cloud waited for him to complete his sentence, blinking curiously when Zack just seemed to space out for a moment. “…Zack?” 

“What about you?”

“Me?”

Zack nodded, shifting so that he was sitting up, leaning one arm on his knee. “What do you want to do, Cloud?”

“I asked you first…” Cloud muttered. 

“Well, I asked you second.” Zack grinned cheekily. “Come on, you can tell me. I know you’ve been at least thinking about it, right?”

Cloud nodded hesitantly. It was true he wasn’t sure about what exactly he wanted to do or what he wanted to be, but there was a thought that had been rattling around in the back of his mind for a while.

“I think…” Cloud began quietly, causing Zack to lean his head down slightly so that he would be able to hear him. “I don’t know if I could do it, but maybe…” He began to trail off.

“Maybe?” Zack prompted.

“I don’t think…I want to stay in this town forever…” Cloud closed his eyes. “I want to at least see if I can do something, make something of myself somewhere…” Cloud went quiet, not really sure if what he was saying made any sense to Zack, since the other remained silent for a few seconds before suddenly jumping up and nearly scaring the hell out of Cloud.

“Yes! All right then!” Zack clapped his hands together, nodding affirmatively to himself. “It’s decided!”

“…Huh?” Cloud stared up at his friend, head nodding up and down to follow Zack’s movements as he suddenly began to do squats. “What—…Decided?”

“Let’s do it! Let’s go to Midgar, Cloud!”

“M-Midgar…?” Cloud stared in confusion. “You mean the capital?”

“Yup! The big city. It’s got a really nice Academy there! I’m pretty sure the application’s not too long to fill out, so—”

“Hold on, hold on.” Cloud interrupted before Zack could ramble any farther. “Isn’t that place…kind of elite, or something?” Cloud frowned slightly. “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to—”

“You better stop that sentence right there, Cloud” Zack sat next to Cloud again, legs crossed as he grinned at the blonde. “I know for sure that you’ll be able to get in. There’s no way you won’t! I mean your grades are definitely good enough. They’re for sure good enough! Mine…eh…they’re probably fine anyway! Plus I get some credit for the team going to nationals this year, right?” Zack was practically overflowing with excitement and smiling so genuinely that Cloud couldn’t help but begin to feel a bit hopeful as well. Maybe even a bit excited.

He wasn’t sure why Zack had so much faith in him but he couldn’t say that it didn’t make him at least a little bit happy.

***

“School in Midgar?”

Cloud’s mother was sitting across from her son at the dinner table, staring at him in shock. 

“Yeah, I mean…I know we might not be able to completely afford it at first, but I can get a job part-time and support myself.” Cloud added firmly, trying to meet his mother’s gaze without averting his own.

“I see…” She trailed off, looking at him thoughtfully. “Is Zack applying there too?”

“Y-Yeah…He’ll probably get in no problem, though.” Cloud glanced to the side, wondering why he was beginning to feel so self-conscious all of a sudden. 

“I probably should have guessed that you two would try and go to the same place.” She smiled softly after a moment, though there was sadness behind her eyes. “It’ll be sad to see you go, but I guess if that’s how it has to be then…that’s how it is”

Cloud swallowed, feeling a bit guilty at the look on his mother’s face. “It’s not like I’m going away forever, Mom. It’ll be fine.” He paused for a moment. “You knew Zack and I would try and go to the same place?”

“Of course. You two have always been together, ever since you were children.”

Cloud paused at that. Was he really only going because Zack was going there too? No, he was the one who had told Zack he was thinking about leaving…Did that mean Zack was thinking of going to Midgar before too, without having said anything to Cloud?

If Cloud hadn’t brought it up in the first place, would Zack have said anything at all? Or would he have just gone without a word?

_So then what happens if Zack gets in and I don’t?_ Cloud suddenly felt his chest tighten. _What would it feel like if Zack wasn’t here?_

He quickly tried to rid himself of the thought, but it was already lodged in his mind and heart. Although the dull ache of unrequited love was always present whenever Cloud was with Zack, the thought of not having him there at all made him feel unbelievably disheartened. For some reason he hadn’t thought of the possibility of them being separated before now, even though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was a real possibility. 

He tried to imagine his day to day life without Zack there to crack a joke or ruffle his hair but he had to stop before he thought about it too long. Even those few seconds of imagining it were enough to completely darken his mood.

_I guess it’s kind of pathetic…_ Cloud thought dejectedly. _Zack gets along with everyone and makes friends so easily that he would probably be fine without me._

***

“Okay, you got yours?”

Cloud was over at Zack’s house, the two of them sitting on the steps outside of the door. They had both gotten their acceptance (or rejection, Cloud thought with nervousness) letters in the mail that day and had agreed to open them both together, at the same time. Cloud was feeling unbelievably nervous and kept resisting the urge to ask Zack to open his letter for him.

“Zack, I don’t think I want to know. They probably—”

“Ah ah ah!” Zack interrupted. “I don’t wanna hear it. Don’t say that stuff out loud, you’re totally gonna jinx yourself, you know.” He smiled once Cloud sighed lightly and nodded. “All right, ready? One…Two…Three!” 

Both boys opened their envelopes at the same time, Zack immediately scanning the letter for the important words while Cloud read his a bit more hesitantly and carefully.

“Blah blah and in highest regards we…Aha! I got in!” Zack jumped in the air, pumping his fist excitedly. “All right!” Zack didn’t even wait for Cloud to reply, he immediately went to look over his shoulder, nearly grabbing his friend’s letter from him in excitement. “And yours?!”

Cloud was staring at the letter, almost in complete disbelief. “I…did too.” He looked up at Zack, whose face was only a few inches away from his. “I’m going too.”

Zack’s eyes widened, practically shining in happiness as a huge grin spread across his face. “You did?” Cloud nodded, still looking to be in shock and Zack burst into laughter. “You did! You really did, Cloud!” Still laughing, he wrapped his arms around the shorter boy’s waist and hoisted him up into a hug. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!”

Cloud flailed and nearly fell over backwards as he did, then quickly moved to wrap his arms around Zack’s neck to keep himself from landing face-first in the dirt. “Ack- Zack! Put me down! Zack…!” 

Zack eventually set Cloud on solid ground, only to pull him into a tight hug, one hand cradling the shorter boy’s head. “I’m so happy!”

Cloud found himself held flat against Zack’s chest, the sudden rush of Zack’s smell invading his senses and making him feel dizzy. Luckily Zack seemed too over-the-moon excited to notice the blush spreading across Cloud’s face and neck. Even if he had noticed, Cloud couldn’t bring himself to try and pull himself from Zack’s embrace like he usually would.

Instead, he loosely wrapped his arms around Zack’s back and closed his eyes, letting the relief wash over him. He wouldn’t have to be separated from Zack, after all. They could still stay together…for a little longer, at least.

“...Me too, Zack.”

***

“Now Zack, we better not get any phone calls about you breaking some kind of irreplaceable science equipment or—”

“I know Mom, I know! Jeeze! Are you gonna make a whole list of things you don’t want me to do while I’m gone?!”

Both Zack’s mother and father were there to see their son off at the train station. Cloud’s mother was there as well and seemed unable to stop herself from continuously touching her son’s face or trying to flatten his hair, much to his embarrassment. 

“Are you sure you have everything, Cloud?”

“I’m sure, Mom…”

“Zack, did you forget something?” Zack’s father asked, raising an eyebrow as his son began to rummage through the bag slung across his shoulder.

“No I just— Aha! Got it.” He pulled out his phone with a sheepish grin. “I thought I couldn’t find it for a second.”

His mother sighed in exasperation but then rather suddenly pulled Zack into a hug. “I can’t believe how much taller you are than me now…You really have grown up, haven’t you?” She sniffled a little, obviously on the verge of tears. Zack’s expression softened and he immediately hugged her back.

“Aw come on Mom, don’t do that. It’ll be okay. I promise I won’t do anything to make you worry too much.”

Cloud was pulled into a hug of his own, his mother holding him tightly. “Cloud…You’ll be okay, won’t you?”

Cloud hugged her back gently, eyes lowered guiltily. “I’ll be okay, Mom. I promise. You take care of yourself too, okay?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll make sure your mother doesn’t get too lonely while you’re gone.” Zack’s father smiled and Cloud couldn’t help but notice how reminiscent it was of Zack’s smile.

“And you two, you take care of each other. Midgar is a big place, it’s easy to lose yourself along the way.”

Cloud wondered what exactly Zack’s father meant by that but was interrupted by Zack leaning his arm on his shoulder, grinning. “Of course!” He looked down at Cloud. “Just like always. Right?”

“Mn.” Cloud nodded, smiling lightly. “Right.”

“Hey Zack, you better get your butt on the train before you get left behind!” Kunsel shouted at them as he walked across the platform. There were a few other people from their class going to Midgar as well but Kunsel was the only person that Cloud recognized.

“Ah, jeeze! We seriously are gonna miss it at this rate.” Turning back to his parents, he gave his mother one last hug and shook his father’s hand.

“Zack, please at least **try** to eat properly.”

“Aw Mom, come on…”

“Don’t get in too much trouble, son.”

Zack rubbed the back of his neck in slight embarrassment. “I won’t, Dad…”

Cloud’s mother pulled him into another hug, obviously holding back tears. “Cloud…”

He hugged her back equally as tightly, beginning to feel the ache of homesickness despite not having left yet. “Mom…Don’t worry too much about me, okay? I’ll be fine.”

“I know, I know, just…” She put her hands on either side of Cloud’s face. “Even if I can’t stop you from growing up, you’ll still always be my baby.”

Cloud blushed, glancing down in embarrassment just as the train whistle went off. “Oh jeeze, oh jeeze, we gotta go, Cloud!” Cloud nearly stumbled over as Zack grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the train. The two of them ran down the passenger car, nearly jumping into two empty seats as Zack pulled the window down, sticking his head out.

He made room for Cloud to look out as well as he began to wave enthusiastically, the train whistle drowning out whatever his mother was trying to shout at him. “Bye Mom! Bye Dad! Bye Ms. Strife! Good-bye…!”

Cloud waved as well, though a bit less enthusiastically as he caught the sad smile on his mother’s face, beginning to grow smaller and smaller as the engine started and began to pick up speed. Soon he couldn’t see his mother at all as the train station, then the whole town began to fade over the horizon line. 

“Whoops, we better sit back down before we get yelled at.” Zack pulled his head back inside, waiting for Cloud to sit down in the window seat before he closed the window. He sat down, letting out a pleased sigh. “Well, this is really it, isn’t it? I’m seriously excited!” He glanced to Cloud, who was staring at the window with a pensive expression. “Hey, you okay?” Zack asked softly.

Cloud nodded after a moment, continuing to stare out the window. “Yeah…It’s just weird, I guess. I wasn’t feeling that sad about leaving until I had to say ‘Good-Bye’ and saw the look on my mom’s face.” He looked over at Zack, a self-depreciating smile on his face. “I guess it’s kind of pathetic isn’t it? I’m the one who wanted to leave in the first place and, I mean, well… you’re not really having any trouble…”

“Hey, hey! Don’t think that I’m not going to be homesick at all. I mean going to a new place is still kind of scary no matter who you are.” Zack looked a bit wistful all of a sudden. “But…”

“But?”

Zack smiled brightly. “But I can’t feel too sad when I know that you’re here with me.”

Cloud flushed at that, quickly turning to look out the window to hide his self-conscious expression. “That’s not really true…You’d be okay, even if I wasn’t—” Cloud muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“…Nothing” He glanced over at Zack, offering a smile to keep him from getting too worried. “It wasn’t anything important, Zack.”

It would take about half a day to travel to Midgar by train. Cloud had wondered if Zack was going to be able to handle being in such a cramped space for that long, but much to his surprise, Zack didn’t complain once about being bored. If he got too stiff from sitting he would just take a walk to the back of the car to chat with Kunsel or stand up in the aisle way in order to do a few squats.

Most of the time he remained next to Cloud, chatting excitedly or pointing out landmarks as they zoomed past their window. 

Night fell and the two eventually settled into a comfortable silence as they looked out at the stars and the moon, still visible out in the countryside. Cloud didn’t really remember falling asleep, but when he opened his eyes his face was uncomfortable squished against the cold glass of his window and his shoulder felt unnaturally heavy.

Rubbing his eyes, he glanced over towards Zack and paused when he realized what that odd weight was.

Zack was deep in sleep, arms folded across his chest. His head was tilted, resting on Cloud’s shoulder as his peaceful face was illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window.

“Zack.” Cloud whispered half-heartedly. “My shoulder’s gonna fall asleep…” Zack just groaned quietly in his sleep, nuzzling Cloud’s shoulder a little as he shifted.

Cloud watched Zack’s face for a while after that, barely breathing so that he wouldn’t move too much and disturb him.

_It’ll be different, now that it’s just us in a new place. I’ll have to be even more careful about how I act around him…_ Cloud sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Zack’s.

In the meantime, he would have to just take what he could get, especially with little things like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I have to say thank you so much for everyone's comments on my story. They're a great motivator ^_^
> 
> Also I know this really wouldn't be how a boarding school application/acceptance situation would work but I kind of couldn't think of any other way to get them where I wanted in the next point of the story so just...roll with it I guess ._.
> 
> You better believe I'm going to start naming chapters after tracks in the Crisis Core soundtrack.


	11. The Skyscraper of Iron and Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two country boys in the big city.

“The next stop is Midgar…Midgar, your final destination, is the next stop.”

Cloud was roused out of a deep sleep by a cheerful female voice over the intercom. Groaning as he drowsily ran a hand through his hair, he suddenly fully opened his eyes when he realized that his head was on Zack’s shoulder. Cloud quickly sat up straight, rubbing at his eyes to try and hide the embarrassing blush that was beginning to creep along his ears and neck.

“Well good morning, sleepyhead.” Zack gave him an amused smile. “I was wondering if I was gonna have to carry you off the train if you didn’t wake up before we got there.”

Cloud huffed, glancing out the window. He almost did a double take at how different the scenery was from the beginning of the trip. Forests, fields and open skies were replaced by bright neon lights and an eerie green glow that seemed to emanate off of all the buildings. “You could have woken me up before now, you know…How long have you been awake?”

“Probably about two hours. You know how it is with me and the sun.”

Cloud knew, all right. It was almost annoying how Zack always seemed to wake up when morning hit, no matter how much sleep he didn’t get the night before.

“Two hours, though?” Cloud frowned a little. Had he been sleeping on Zack for that long? It had been one thing when he had awoken to see Zack’s head on his shoulder, but for him to be doing the same thing while Zack was awake… “Sorry, that probably wasn’t very comfortable for you.”

Zack gave a good-natured shrug. “You seemed like you were having a nice sleep. Plus, it didn’t bother me.”

Cloud found himself unable to think of how to respond but was thankfully rescued by one of the workers walking by with a cart full of breakfast foods.

“Yes! Just in time, I’m starving.” Zack grinned flirtatiously at the woman pushing the cart, causing Cloud to roll his eyes. “What?” Zack looked to Cloud, handing him a bagel.

“Nothing…you’re just such a dork.”

“Pft! Fine, then I’m taking that back.” Zack playfully reached to grab Cloud’s food away from him. 

Cloud leaned away from him, holding it out of his reach as he took a bite. “No way, hands off.”

Their play was interrupted by the sound train announcer voice. “We are arriving in Midgar…Midgar, your final destination.”

“Ah, I can’t believe it! We really made it, huh?!” Zack nearly jumped into Cloud’s lap as he hurriedly leaned over to press his face to the window. “Look, look, Cloud!”

“Oof- Zack move your head so I can see, at least.” Zack obliged by scooting over a bit and Cloud peered out. The eerie green glow seemed stronger now that they seemed to be in the middle of the city. Cloud couldn’t help but stare in awe: even without getting off the train, this was the largest amount of people he had seen in one place in his entire life.

Zack was apparently thinking the same thing. “Wow…so many people.” He looked to Cloud with a grin. “Way busier than home, right?” Cloud nodded hesitantly, beginning to feel his nerves finally begin to affect him. “Well I guess we better grab our stuff and figure out where the heck we’re going.” Zack stood up, grabbing his bag and Cloud’s from the top luggage rack.

Once he handed Cloud’s bag to him, Zack quickly headed for the door with Cloud right behind him. Zack nearly jumped out and onto the platform in his excitement, quickly looking left, right and up, as if trying to take in all the sites at once.

“Wow, everything’s so tall…” Zack began walking, neck craned upwards to stare at the skyscrapers. He was so enthralled that he didn’t notice that he was walking right into the street and into the path of an oncoming car.

“Zack…!” Cloud leaped forward and grabbed the back of Zack’s shirt just in time to pull him back onto the sidewalk, the car speeding by with an angry honk of its horn.

Zack stared at the street, dead silent for a few seconds. “Woah…close one…”

“I’ll say!” Cloud put a hand over his heart to make sure it was still beating. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Kunsel ran over, looking pale. “Zack, we’re not in the country anymore, dumbass! You need to actually pay attention to where you are!”

Zack rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I’ll be more careful. I guess I just got too excited.” He looked to Cloud with a slight grin. “It’s a good thing Cloud was here.”

Cloud just sighed in response. “This is a great start to life in the city…”

“Oh come on, you two! You gotta learn to relax. I’m fine, I didn’t get hit by a car, and it’s time to start a new chapter in our lives!” Zack paused, glancing around. “As soon as I figure out which way we need to go…”

Kunsel looked about two seconds away from face palming but just shook his head with a sigh instead. “I looked at a map on the way here, so I’ve got a pretty good idea. It should take about 20 minutes to walk…Unless you two want to take a cab?”

“No way! Walking’s free, we all only have duffel bags, plus it’ll be like getting our own self-guided tour around the city.” He looked to Cloud. “Right?”

Cloud just nodded. He wondered if one of the reasons that Zack didn’t want to take a cab was because of how carsick Cloud tended to get, especially for rides longer than 5 minutes.

“All right, it’s settled! Let’s go then! Lead the way, Kunsel.” And with that the three of them began to walk down the sidewalk. Zack and Kunsel easily dodged and weaved between the crowds of people that seemed to grow larger and larger the deeper into the city they got. Cloud kept getting jostled around, his shoulder bumping into other people’s arms or shopping bags as they hurried to wherever it was they were going, never looking back or stopping.

Cloud did his best to keep a calm, neutral expression on his face while on the inside he was beginning to feel extremely claustrophobic. The buildings only seemed to grow taller, practically blocking out the sun that he was used to seeing so easily back home. It only leant to the feeling of being boxed in, like he was going deeper and deeper into some sort of inescapable labyrinth that was threatening to swallow and trap him in a sea of unfamiliar faces, looking at him with disdain or complete disinterest.

Cloud had become so consumed by his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice when he lost sight of Zack in the crowd. When he did look up, his stomach dropped when he realized his friend was nowhere to be seen. He stopped suddenly, causing the people behind him to grumble and curse him out as they nearly ran into him. “Zack…?” He looked around, desperately trying to figure out where he was or how long it had been since he had lost sight of him.

His heart began to pound frantically as he realized that he was by himself in a city that he didn’t know, surrounded by more strangers than he had seen in his life and Zack had probably just left him behind and…

“Cloud!”

Whirling around towards the sound of the familiar voice, Cloud found himself face-to-face with a worried-looking Zack.

“Jeeze, there you are! I’ve been calling your name for like five minutes here…What happened? I turn around and suddenly there was no sight of you!”

Cloud looked down, trying to calm his heart and take a few deep breaths to slow down his breathing. He definitely was **not** going to have some sort of stupid panic attack in the middle of the street, on his first day away from home. “S-Sorry…I guess I spaced out.”

Zack looked at him carefully for a second, then gave a relieved sigh and reached over to ruffle Cloud’s hair. “It’s okay. I was just starting to panic a little there. Looks like we still need to get used to the big city, huh?” He gave Cloud a little grin then, without saying a word, took his hand and began to lead him through the crowd.

Cloud wanted to protest and tell Zack that he wasn’t a little kid that needed to be led around and that he was perfectly fine. But Zack’s hand gave his own a gentle squeeze and the words died on his lips as he felt his panic begin to subside. It was just like when they were children, when Zack would take his hand to show him something or encourage him when he was feeling scared or lonely. Both of their hands were larger now, but to Cloud it still felt the same: warm and comforting.

“Here he is, Kunsel! I found him.” They went over to a small part in the crowd where Kunsel was standing, having been searching for the missing Cloud as well. Zack let go of Cloud’s hand once they got over to him. Cloud’s hand twitched slightly, wanting nothing more than to grab that hand back but Cloud quickly stuck it in his pocket, chiding himself.

_We’re not kids anymore. I need to get a grip…_

“I think I’m going to have to put a leash on the both of you.” Kunsel had his arms crossed but still looked relieved. “We’re almost there, anyway. See?” He gestured down the street, pointing to a looming set of buildings set apart from the rest of the city by a row of trees and a grassy field. 

“Wow, that’s the first spot of natural green I’ve seen since we’ve got here.” Zack observed.

“Pretty nice, huh? I guess they put that sort of park around the academy so people don’t feel so boxed in.” Kunsel replied, shifting the duffle bag on his shoulder. 

“Well, let’s not just stand around staring at it from here. Let’s go!” Zack declared, starting up towards their destination.

“Just don’t go jumping out into traffic again.” Kunsel retorted, walking close behind him. Cloud quickly followed after the two of them, not wanting to be left behind again.

***

“Huh?! What do you mean we don’t get to pick rooms…?”

Zack, Cloud and Kunsel were gathered at the administration office, getting annoyed looks from the other new students waiting in line behind them as Zack unwittingly caused a disturbance.

Zack folded his arms, huffing. “Jeeze, that’s seriously no fair. I wanted to room with Cloud!”

“Zack, I don’t think pouting at them is going to get them to change the rules for you.” Cloud muttered, though he was internally more than a little grateful. Sharing a room with Zack, whose lack of inhibition usually led him to walk around shirtless when it was hot or change clothes right in front of him, would have been way too much for him to handle.

“Yeah, I know, but still.” He moved away from the desk, much to the relief of the line behind him and began to look at his welcome letter. “Huh, looks like I’m rooming with you, Kunsel.”

“What’s with that disappointed tone?” Kunsel raised an eyebrow.

“I’m just kidding! It’s good that I’m with someone I know, at least.” He leaned over to look at the paper that Cloud was reading. “What about you, Cloud?”

“I’m in a single room.” Cloud replied

“What!? Talk about luck of the draw…!” Cloud couldn’t help but silently agree with him. At least this way he would have a place to go and decompress after dealing with people all day. 

“Well let’s go put our stuff down and check this place out!” Zack began to walk towards the doors and out to the dorm building. They had to cross a large courtyard to get to it, full of students who were enjoying the time before classes started by lazing in the grass. There was even a greenhouse, filled with sunflowers and other plants that vaguely reminded Cloud of the countryside. 

Both Cloud and Zack’s rooms were on the third floor, just down the hall from each other. Cloud unlocked the door to his room, slowly walking in as he took stock of the place he would be living from now on. It was a bit small, but it was clean and still had room for a desk and small bookcase in addition to the bed and closet. He put his bag on the ground and slowly sat down on the mattress, looking around. 

He was suddenly hit with the realization that he was hundreds of miles away from the place he had called home for a good portion of his life, in an unfamiliar room surrounded by unfamiliar people. He quickly tried to shake off his feelings of apprehension and told himself it would be fine, that this was his chance to try and make something of himself. No matter how intimidating the thought of dealing with new people was, he had to force himself through it.

“Hey, this isn’t half bad!” Cloud had left the door half-open, which Zack obviously took as a sign that he was free to enter. He waltzed in, going over to take a seat next to Cloud on the bed. “I can’t believe you got a room all to yourself! Apparently there’s only one or two single rooms on each floor, so you’re a pretty lucky guy.” Zack grinned, his face full of excitement and readiness and none of the nervousness or anxiety that Cloud felt within himself. “Mine and Kunsel’s room isn’t too bad though. I think we’ll be able to share it without getting on each other’s nerves too much.” Zack stood up again, obviously ready and rearing to go. “But this is seriously exciting, isn’t it? There’s lots of clubs and stuff here to join. I might keep up with soccer but maybe basketball could be fun too-” Zack suddenly paused, looking at Cloud’s face.

Cloud blinked, not sure what Zack had stopped his chatter for, as he thought he was doing a good job at keeping his expression relatively neutral. “…What?”

Zack tilted his head thoughtfully, then sat next to Cloud again. “You doing okay, Cloud?”

“Huh?” Cloud stared at him in confusion. “Of course I am. Why?”

“I dunno, you just kind of looked sad for a second there.”

Cloud tried to brush it off, despite the fact that Zack had hit the nail on the head. “Zack, just because I’m not grinning all the time like you doesn’t mean I’m sad.”

Zack ruffled his hair. “I know that! That’s not what I meant, anyway.” 

Cloud just sighed but then froze when he realized that Zack hadn’t moved his hand. It was still sitting on the top of his head, fingers threaded through his hair. Cloud suddenly flashed back to that night, the last night that he had slept over at Zack’s house during middle school, and nearly swatted Zack’s hand off out of reflex.

He didn’t, though. He didn’t want to see the rejected and wounded look in Zack’s eyes

“I know it’s annoying, but I can’t help worry about you” Zack continued. “I want you to be able to talk to new people and not shut yourself off to the idea of making friends here.” 

Cloud glanced to the side. “You’re making me sound like an anti-social hermit”

“I’m not trying to, seriously!” Zack gently ruffled Cloud’s hair again before finally removing his hand. “It’s just that, well...” Zack paused, trying to think of the right words. “You’re pretty great, you know?” He smiled softly and Cloud found himself drawn into those beautiful blue eyes. “I just want other people to be able to see that, too.”

Cloud felt his face begin to heat up but he couldn’t look away from Zack. He clenched the bed covers slightly and wished Zack would move his face a bit so the urge to move his own face closer would go away. 

Cloud got his wish, as Zack stood up with a grin. “Anyway, Kunsel already went out to look around. You wanna see what this place is like too?”

“Yeah.” Cloud replied quietly, standing up as well.

He really, really needed to control himself better.

***

The school gave the new students a week of free time to settle in before classes started, helping them get oriented to the new place. It also gave the different sports and arts clubs a chance to court them.

Zack was still undecided about which ones he wanted to join for sure, not helped by the fact that he felt the need to try out every sports club for fun, whether or not he was seriously considering joining them or not. Cloud, of course, ended up being dragged to all of it. 

Despite his annoyance, however, Cloud did actually feel a bit grateful towards Zack. After all, having another person there with him gave him the ability to try things out that he might not have had the courage to do if he had been by himself.

 _I wonder if that’s why Zack was trying out all of the clubs in the first place…so I would end up trying too._ Cloud thought, lying on the grass as he watched Zack toss a Frisbee back and forth with some of the people from the Ultimate Frisbee club. Cloud was taking a break since it felt like he had been running around all day but, of course, Zack was still going. Unfortunately Zack wasn’t that good at throwing the disc in a straight line but his enthusiasm in catching it at every possible angle and distance nearly made up for it.

“I got it, I got it!” Zack shouted, going after a particularly long and wild throw. It looked as if the Frisbee might get away from him as it zoomed along the courtyard and towards a row of benches where a girl was planting flowers. Zack just increased his speed, determinedly reaching out his hand as he looked up towards the sky.

Cloud’s eyes widened as Zack sprinted headlong towards a bench, seemingly unaware of where he was going. He stood up, trying to shout some sort of warning to him, but it was too late. Zack seemed to see it at the last minute and tried to stop himself but only ended up tripping over the back end of the bench and flipping over it, landing on his back a few feet away and in a newly-planted flower patch. Cloud immediately began to run over, but stopped a few feet away when he saw he wasn’t the first person to get to Zack.

The girl who had been working on the flower was kneeling by his side, looking down at Zack. “Are you okay?!” She asked, eyes wide.

Zack groaned slightly, sitting up as he rubbed his head. “Yeah, I didn’t hurt anything. Well, not anything besides my pride, at least.” 

The girl smiled in response, standing up and folding her hands behind her back. “That’s good!” She paused, tilting her head and frowning slightly. “Looks like my flowers weren’t so lucky.”

“Huh? Oh…!” Zack quickly stood up, looking down at the slightly-squished flowers. “Sorry, were you planting these?”

She nodded, smiling again. “I’m part of the Gardening Club. We usually keep our flowers in the greenhouse, but I thought they might want to be out in the fresh air instead, so I was planting some out here.”

“You were, huh…Hopefully I didn’t squish them too badly…” He rubbed the back of his neck, finally turning his head and spotting Cloud. “Ah, Cloud! Don’t worry, I’m okay.” He looked back at the girl. “Sorry, I should probably introduce myself first! My name’s Zack and this is Cloud.” He added, gesturing towards him. “What’s your name?”

The girl, whose hair was partially pulled back in a braid, laughed a little at the enthusiastic introduction. “I’m Aerith.”

“Aerith, huh? It’s nice to meet you! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you for crashing onto all your hard work?”

“Well, I might be able to think of something”

Cloud remained silent, looking back and forth between the two and watching their interactions. 

_She’s…really pretty…_ Cloud thought, watching as Zack smiled at her.

Cloud had somehow known that something like this would happen. He knew that Zack, as charismatic and kind as he was, would find someone like this. A girl who was pretty and cheerful. 

Someone the opposite of him.

 _So…this is it._ Cloud’s brief flash of jealousy quickly died out and gave way to a melancholy acceptance that was much more painful than he expected it would be. 

This was going to be the person who would take Zack away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, look at the tags. Then look at me. Then look at the relationship tags again. Look at that singular relationship tag. So don't start thinking I'm going to turn this story into an angsty unrequited love fic (since I kind of hate those). We are just seeing Cloud's thoughts and perspective after all, not anyone else's, so just keep that in mind.
> 
> With that said, I'm trying to think of what other FFVII characters I'd like to have in the story now that we're in Midgar, so expect some new/familiar faces next chapter.


	12. A Moment of Courtesy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud had no claim to him. He had no right to feel jeaous.

Two months had passed since they had arrived in Midgar and, all things considered, Cloud thought he was doing pretty well. He had only gotten lost about four times during the first day of class, which hadn’t really endeared him to his teachers. But the fact that he had swallowed his pride enough to just **ask** someone where to go made him feel proud of himself. Zack had teased him about it later (“Do you even realize how stubborn you are sometimes?”) but he hadn’t had much room to talk, since he had gotten lost about two or three times himself. However, he had been able to avoid being late by just asking everyone he passed where to go until he got a response.

To Cloud’s distress, he and Zack didn’t share any classes together. When Zack had seen their difference in schedules he had looked sad for a moment but then seemed to shake it off easily.

“Well, we’re just down the hall from each other, right? It’s not like we’re in class all day.” He had said with a smile. “Plus it gives you the chance to meet lots of new people!”

Cloud had just nodded silently, not wanting to look disappointed when Zack seemed to be doing just fine. 

_Meet new people, huh…_

Zack had been adamant about Cloud “meeting new people” ever since they had gotten there. But why? He understood that Zack was probably worried about him being lonely or closing himself off too much. But even if he understood that, it didn’t stop the small doubts from beginning to seep into his heart

Thoughts like: _Maybe Zack’s tired of me following him around all the time._ would be in the back of his mind whenever Zack would ask if he was talking to anyone in class or when he had reacted so happily when Cloud had told him he was going to join the fencing club.

“Fencing, huh? That sounds fun! I already joined basketball though, so it probably wouldn’t be good for me to do two things or else I seriously won’t have **any** time to do homework.” He laughed. “It’s no good to come all the way here and fail out, right?”

Different classes and different sports clubs. Would they really be seeing each other that much at all? Cloud’s slight anxiety at those thoughts would quickly be replaced by guilt as he reprimanded himself.

_Are you trying to keep him all to yourself? You’re acting like a child. Zack’s always been great at making friends, plus…_

Maybe it was a good thing for them to have a little separation to help keep himself in check. Plus Zack did always come over to Cloud’s room or invite him over to his and Kunsel’s to play video games on a small T.V. that Kunsel had brought and managed to fit into their dorm room. He would also go over to Cloud’s room to study or get Cloud to come and do homework in the common room so they could talk to people. 

In all honesty he didn’t have any room to complain about not seeing Zack enough.

And it’s not like Cloud was completely anti-social or hated people. There were actually a few people that he had met that he had rather liked. Yuffie, an energetic girl from Cloud’s chemistry class, always seemed to be outside or in the common room when Zack and Cloud were there. Zack generally seemed to be at a loss with her, since he wasn’t used to dealing with someone whose energy matched or overshot his own but Cloud thought she was pretty funny (even if she tried to take his fencing equipment once or twice “just to test out”). 

Then there was Vincent, a senior member of the fencing club. Cloud had thought he was rather tall and rather intimidating when he first met him but, upon seeing how quietly helpful he was towards himself and the other younger members, his opinion began to change. It seemed as if he had a similar problem as Cloud did in talking to other people, although he was hard to read since his facial expressions rarely changed or reflected what he was truly thinking. 

Surprisingly, Vincent and Yuffie seemed to hang out quite a lot, which left Cloud confused before he resolved to not try and make sense of it.

And then there was Aerith and her friend Tifa. Tifa usually seemed to be around Aerith when Cloud and Zack would run into her at the greenhouse or just around the campus. She was very warm and friendly, although Cloud was pretty sure that she could beat the hell out of him if she wanted to, since he had seen what she was capable of in the boxing club. She was the only female member but could still take out most of the club without breaking a sweat.

As for Aerith, that was beginning to get a bit complicated. 

_It would probably be easier if I didn’t like her, wouldn’t it?_ Cloud thought. He had just wandered down to the common room to see where Zack was and spotted him sitting with Tifa and Aerith on one of the couches, looking through a large envelope. Zack looked up, grinning when he saw him and waving him over.

“Hey, Cloud! Come here and check this out.” Cloud sat down on the other side of Zack, looking at the envelope as Zack shoved it in his hands. “My mom was going through a bunch of old stuff in the basement and she found a bunch of pictures! She thought we might want them so she mailed them to me.”

“A bunch?” Tifa looked at Cloud curiously. “How long have you two known each other?”

“A while now.” Cloud replied, trying to think of how old he was when he first moved to Zack’s neighborhood and failing. Almost all of his childhood memories had Zack in them and he had difficulty recalling much of anything before that: just one or two memories of his mother and father together and that was it.

“Since we were kids!” Zack piped in as Cloud began to slide the pictures out of the envelope and pass them around. 

“Really?” Aerith clasped her hands together, smiling warmly. “That’s really sweet that you two have been friends that long.”

Zack rubbed the back of his head with a slightly embarrassed grin. “Well I couldn’t imagine it being any other way, so…” 

Cloud was looking down at the photos, doing his best not to watch the way Zack and Aerith were smiling at each other out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t exactly feel jealous. It was more like, each time he would watch them, he would feel dull ache in his heart. But what right did he have to be upset?

If Zack was going to start liking someone, who could be better than someone like Aerith?

_But still, I…_ Cloud clenched the fist that was resting on the couch, trying to ignore the pain in his chest.

Aerith’s eyes widened slightly as she stared at one of the pictures. “Zack, what did you do to yourself in this one? You’re completely covered in band-aids!”

“Ah well, let’s just say that me and one of Mom’s rose bushes had a bit of an incident.”

Cloud glanced up, inadvertently locking eyes with Tifa, who had been watching him. Her mouth was tilted in a small frown and at that moment Cloud felt like she was staring right through him. Quickly steadying himself, he leaned over to look at the pictures in Zack’s lap.

“Ah, here we go! That didn’t take long.” Zack grinned, holding up one of the pictures to show him. “Here’s the ones with you in it too.” Cloud looked closer to see himself as a child, standing next to Zack and practically clinging onto the other boy’s hand with a shy smile, while Zack was grinning widely and giving a thumbs up to the camera.

“Aw, little Cloud had a ponytail! Why’d you cut it off?”

All four of them jumped as Yuffie popped up behind them, leaning her elbows on the couch.

“Yuffie…! What the hell, are you trying to scare us all half to death?!” Zack reprimanded

Yuffie ignored Zack, much to his chagrin, and looked over their shoulders to peer closer at the photographs. “And you were pretty short too!”

Cloud just narrowed his eyes at the last comment then rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it was starting to look kind of girly, so I cut it before high school started.”

Zack tilted his head slightly. “Is that why? All I knew was one day it was there and the next it was gone and you never really said why you wanted to change it.”

Cloud glanced to the side, avoiding Zack’s gaze as he shrugged a little. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Wow, you two are in a lot of pictures together.” Aerith was shifting through the other pile, tilting it towards Tifa so she could see as well. “Look at this one Tifa, it’s so cute!”

Both Cloud and Zack leaned over to get a better look at Aerith’s pile. There were pictures of moments throughout their whole childhood: Cloud watching a movie on the couch with Zack, reading back to back under a tree and even one from their attempt at camping in Zack’s back yard (which ended with the both of them shivering and soaking wet after a sudden thunderstorm).

Cloud internally cringed when he noticed a distinct pattern. In almost all of the photos he was touching Zack in some way, whether it was holding onto his hand or his shirt or his arm. 

_Was I…really that clingy?_ Cloud frowned again. _If Zack was starting to get a little sick of me by now, I wouldn’t blame him..._

He tried to shake himself out of his thoughts, putting on a light smile as he noticed Tifa watching his face out of the corner of her eye again.

***

The next day, Cloud had finished class early and didn’t have any fencing club practice, so he decided to take the opportunity to walk around campus on his own. It was still warm outside despite the weather being just on the cusp of fall. Cloud personally preferred cooler weather, but it still felt nice to be outside after being cooped up in class or doing homework all week.

He inadvertently found himself walking by the greenhouse. As his gaze traveled upwards from the flowers, he spotted Zack and Aerith inside. Cloud moved to the door to head in but then paused, his hand hovering just above the doorknob.

_I…shouldn’t interrupt them._ Cloud began to turn to walk away but by then he had already been spotted by both Aerith and Zack, who waved at him and gestured for him to come over as Aerith smiled welcomingly.  
Realizing it would look really bad to just walk away at this point, Cloud sighed and braced himself before opening the door and walking in.

“So there you are! I was wondering, since I knew you were out of class by now.” Zack grinned. 

Cloud gave a half-hearted shrug. “I was just getting some fresh air.”

“Oh, what a surprise! Half the time I have to drag you outside into the sun.” Zack replied teasingly but then paused. “Oh shit, what time is it?!” Quickly pulling his phone out of his pocket, his eyes widened. “Oh crap, oh crap, I’m late for practice. Sorry, Aerith, looks like I’ll have to help you another time!” Grabbing his bag off of the ground, he gave Cloud’s hair a quick ruffle before running out. “See you guys later!”

Cloud watched him run off then looked back at Aerith, a bit unsure of what to say or do. Even if he did like her, he still had trouble trying to make conversation. Luckily, Aerith was the one to speak first.

“That’s a shame, I really need to move these flowers outside today.” She tilted her head, frowning lightly as she looked to the pots of yellow lilies on the ground. “Maybe I can ask Tifa…”

“Um, I uh…I can help, if you want.” Cloud offered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s just these ones, right?”

Aerith smiled brightly in response. “You’d really do that? Thank you, Cloud!” She picked up two of the pots, gently placing them in Cloud’s arms before grabbing the other pot and a few gardening tools. “Just be careful with them!”

“Right…” Cloud did his best to hold the pots securely so he wouldn’t drop them (they were a bit heavier than they looked) while still keeping them away from his body so he wouldn’t squish them at the same time. 

“Great! Just follow me.” She walked out of the greenhouse door and towards a small patch a few yards away from it, where had already been half-filled with lilies. “Okay, just set them right there…Careful!” She exclaimed as Cloud nearly tripped on a rock and sent the pots flying. Luckily he managed to right himself and set the pots down, sighing in relief. “Good save!”

Cloud, unsure of whether to go or stay, settled on squatting next to Aerith, watching as she carefully took the flowers out of their pots and began to plant them. “Isn’t it going to get cold soon?” He asked, frowning thoughtfully. “Why are you planting them outside?”

“Well, it makes the campus look nicer, doesn’t it?” She looked to him with a smile. “If I could, I’d plant them all over the city.”  
“…I guess it does.” Cloud looked back at the flowers. “It actually makes me a little less homesick for the country.” He paused. “Even though I was the one that wanted to leave in the first place, the city is still kind of hard to get used to.”

“Oh that’s right! Both you and Zack are from the countryside, aren’t you?” Aerith laughed a little. “I’m kind of jealous. I’ve lived in Midgar my whole life, so I’ve never been able to see what it’s like outside of it.”

Cloud shook his head. “It’s not that special. The air’s fresher, I guess, but there’s not a whole lot out there.”

“Hm, I don’t know. It looked like you and Zack were having lots of fun in those pictures.”

“Yeah, but…it’s pretty hard **not** to have fun with him. Zack was the one who would usually think of things to do when we would hang out together—” He paused, noticing Aerith was watching him with a soft smile. “…What?”

She shook her head, going back to digging holes for the lilies. “It’s nothing. I just think it’s really nice, that’s all.”

Cloud blinked, tilting his head in confusion. “Nice?”

“You two have been such good friends for so long. It’s really refreshing to see a relationship like that.”

Cloud glanced to the side. “It’s not really that surprising, considering its Zack. He can get along with anyone, I’m pretty sure…”

Aerith stood up, dusting the dirt off her legs. “No, I don’t think that’s it.”

Cloud stood up as well, looking at her curiously. “What do you mean?”

Aerith just smiled and Cloud wondered why it seemed like she was hiding something, or at least seemed to know something he didn’t. “Just what it sounds like!” She leaned down, picking up the empty pots. “Anyway, I need to head to class now. Thank you for your help, Cloud!”

Cloud scratched his head, watching in confusion as she began to walk away.

_What was that supposed to mean?_

***

“Aw come on, Cloud. You have to go!”

Zack and Cloud were both in his dorm room, with Zack on the floor staring up at Cloud, who was lying on the bed.

“A party in someone’s house with a bunch of people I don’t know doesn’t exactly scream ‘Great time’ to me, Zack”

One of the students, whose parents were rich enough to afford an entire house (and not just a crappy apartment) in the middle of the city, was going to be throwing a house party that Friday while his family was out of town. Zack, of course, was eager to go and have a good time.

Zack swung his legs up and underneath him, standing up quickly only to flop on the bed next to Cloud. “Oh come on, it’s totally gonna be fun. And what are you gonna do instead, stay inside and read all night?”

“Maybe”

“Clouuuuuud…” Zack whined, rolling so that he was lying on top of Cloud. “I’m not letting you shut yourself in when there’s fun to be had! Come on, we haven’t hung out at all in forever!”

“It’s been two days.” Cloud corrected, grunting as he pushed Zack off of him. 

“That’s still basically forever.” Zack pouted. “Plus, Aerith and Tifa are going, so that’s at least three people that you know. And I know Aerith said that she really wanted you to come too!”

Cloud felt his body tense slightly, sneaking a glance over at Zack’s sulking expression then let out a long sigh. “…Okay” He sat up, putting his book down on the ground. “Just stop pouting at me”

“All right!” Zack did a fist pump in victory, then ruffled Cloud’s hair. “Don’t worry Cloud, it’s gonna be super fun!”

Cloud just sighed again, wishing he wasn’t such a sucker for Zack’s puppy-like begging.

_Who knows, maybe it will be fun._

He gave Zack a small smile in return and tried to ignore the feelings of foreboding deep in his heart.

_Or at least, it won’t be that bad._

He would just have to brace himself for when he would see Zack and Aerith together. 

_I don’t have any right to feel jealous, after all..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, things are going to come to a head next chapter, so I hope everyone enjoyed the "calm before the storm". Your patience in dealing with this slow build of a story will be rewarded soon.
> 
> On a lighter note, I imagine Vincent had quite a bit of trouble finding a fencing uniform that fit him considering how freakishly tall he is. So even the tallest one would probably be a bit too snug on him :P


	13. Burden of Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter were the scenarios that I first thought up in my head and based this fic around, so I hope you enjoy them!

Within 10 minutes of arriving, Cloud came to the conclusion that he really, really didn’t like house parties. It was crowded, with people crammed into corners and hallways and hanging off the stair railing as they all tried to shift and push around each other. The make-shift dance area in the living room was too hoy, with stereos that were pounding too-loud music as people were either dancing or loafing around a table with a large punch bowl full of some mysterious pink liquid and red solo cups. 

_I can’t believe I agreed to this._ Cloud thought wearily as he pushed around a couple sloppily making out. 

Zack, on the other hand, seemed to be having a great time. He saw several people from the basketball team that he recognized and had spent a good amount of time chatting with them. Cloud, not wanting to feel like a third wheel, had told Zack he was going to wander around a bit.

Mainly, he was just wasting time until Zack felt like he wanted to leave.

He suddenly stepped in something wet and sticky that he prayed was someone’s drink and not something else. Reeling back, he bumped right into one of the last people he expected to see.

“…Vincent?” He blinked up at him, having to crane his neck slightly to meet his eyes.

The older teenager had put a hand on Cloud’s shoulder to keep him from falling over. Once Cloud was safely balanced he folded his arms as he leaned against the corner of the wall. “That’s me.”

“You’re seriously here?”

Vincent raised an eyebrow, looking unamused. “I’m seriously here. Are you really that surprised?”

Cloud shifted his gaze awkwardly. “Yeah, I mean—No…Well, you just didn’t really seem like a ‘house party’ person, to me I guess.”

Vincent let out a long-suffering sigh. “I’m not, usually.”

“Then why are you here?”

Vincent gestured to the left and Cloud followed his gaze to spot Yuffie, who was jumping on the couch, the party host desperately trying to grab her off as she shouted “You’ll never catch me mortal! Ninja expert Yuffie’s agility is off the charts!”

Cloud stared at her, mouth agape before staring back at Vincent. “Yuffie dragged me here.” The other elaborated, his tone of voice conveying that he was either blackmailed or pestered long enough by a girl 1/3 his size that he gave in.

Cloud sighed, rubbing his head. “I guess that makes two of us. Zack convinced me to come too.”

A look of understanding flickered across Vincent’s eyes, though there was something else there that Cloud couldn’t quite read. “So where did he go?”

Cloud shrugged, suddenly finding his gaze drifting to the floor. “He was talking to some people from the basketball team. I didn’t want to bother him so I was just walking around.”

Vincent watched him quietly for a moment, waiting so long to speak that Cloud began to wonder if he had heard what he said. “If he’s the one that brought you, you really think that you would be bothering him?”

Cloud blinked, not quite understanding. “Huh?”

Vincent pushed off from the wall. “You should go find him. I saw him go into the dining room a few minutes ago.” And with that he walked away without another word.

Cloud stared after him. Vincent was nice in his own way, but he did have a bad habit of ending conversations rather abruptly. He did decide to take his advice, however, and headed towards the dining room. He was relieved to find much fewer people there and spotted Zack’s taller figure, his head turning left and right as if he was looking for something. His eyes brightened when he spotted Cloud and he quickly jogged over.

“Cloud! So there you are! I’ve been looking for you.” 

Cloud looked at him, confused. “You were?”

“Duh! You said you were gonna walk around a bit but that was like twenty minutes ago! I was starting to think you got lost.” He grinned teasingly.

Just as Cloud was about to give a sarcastic reply, a bright voice interrupted them. “Zack! Cloud! There you two are!” Aerith practically bounced over, holding a drink in her hand and Zack smiled in reply. “Hey, Aerith!”

Cloud suddenly began to feel sick.

“I’m glad you both decided to come.”

Zack put his hand on Cloud’s head. “Yeah I practically had to drag him out of his room to come, but we’re both here” Cloud ducked his head a little, moving out of Zack’s grasp. “Anyway, I have to go to the bathroom real quick. Be right back!” And with that Zack disappeared into the crowd.

Cloud looked back at Aerith, smiling lightly in response to her cheerful expression. He really hoped it didn’t look too strained. Aerith didn’t deserve that.

“So where’s Tifa?” He asked softly.

“Oh one of the students fell down the stairs, so Tifa carried him outside to wait for an ambulance.” She replied, as if the image of Tifa carrying a teenage boy by herself wasn’t an odd one to visualize.

She took a sip of her drink, making an odd face and putting a hand to her mouth. “Yuck! That’s definitely too bitter. What in the world did they put in this punch?” She offered the cup to Cloud. “Here, do you want it? I don’t want to waste it.”

Cloud took it with a nod and a quiet “Thanks”, then took an experimental sip. It wasn’t too bad. It was oddly bitter but there was still a hint of fruit taste there. Cloud took another drink.

“It tastes pretty good to me.” He looked up at her, feeling a bit guilty. “Do you want me to grab you some water? Since I kind of just took your drink…”

“Oh no, you don’t have to!”

Cloud shook his head. “It’s fine. If I stand in one spot for too long with all these people, I start to get claustrophobic.” He gave her another small smile and began to walk towards the kitchen. He took another large drink of the punch and blinked, wondering why his head was beginning to feel a bit fuzzy.

Stumbling slightly, he quickly shook his head and tried to steady himself before walking into the kitchen and grabbing a glass.

_Did someone turn the music up?_ He rubbed his head, feeling like the pounding bass was beginning to get louder. Cloud finished the punch, tossing the cup towards the trash (and missing) before grasping at the tap and turning on the water, barely managing to keep the glass steady as he filled it.

_Someone must have turned the heat up or something…Or the A/C’s busted._ Cloud thought, beginning to feel warmer by the second. He stumbled again and quickly put his free hand on the edge of the sink.

_Get ahold of yourself…What’s wrong with you?_. He put a hand on his head again, closing his eyes as he tried to get his bearings, really wishing someone would turn that music down. 

Eventually he stumbled out of the kitchen and down the hall, leaning against the door frame to the dining room and looking in. Zack and Aerith were across the room and Cloud could see they were talking about something together.

Zack grinned, obviously having just told some sort of lame joke and Aerith laughed, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. 

Cloud put a hand up to his chest, clenching the fabric of his shirt. His hands were beginning to tremble slightly, so he put the glass of water down on the floor before he dropped it.

He wanted to run away. He didn’t want to look anymore.

_Stop it, just stop it…He was never yours in the first place._

He didn’t want to see how good they looked together.

Aerith stood on her tip toes, leaning up so she could speak into Zack’s ear. Zack leaned his face down closer to hers in order to hear her better, tilting his head slightly with smile

A sharp pain shot through Cloud’s chest and the grip on his shirt tightened.

_…I can’t._

Nearly falling over, Cloud braced himself against the wall and stumbled his way towards the door, not paying attention to the several people that he ended up bumping into.

***

“She really said that? Seriously…?!” Zack laughed, then paused and glanced around the room. “…Jeeze, seriously, where the heck does Cloud keep going? I feel like I should have tied a balloon or something to him so I could track him.”

Aerith looked around as well. “I don’t know, he was going to grab me a water since the punch was so bitter, but that shouldn’t be taking so long.”

Zack stared, the wheels in his head turning. “…Bitter?” Turning around, he grabbed a solo cup off the table and sniffed at it before taking a small sip, frowning and screwing up his face afterwards. “Ugh! Okay, that’s definitely spiked.” Zack coughed a little, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand then putting the cup back on the table. “With some really strong and cheap stuff too. I definitely would stay away from that stuff, Aerith. I bet even with a couple sips you would wake up with a huge hangover—” He paused when he saw Aerith’s eyes widen in horror. “…What’s wrong?”

“Cloud!” Aerith put her hands over her mouth. “I gave him my drink and I…He had gotten through almost half of it before he left!”

Zack’s eyes widened, his face paling slightly. “Oh shit…!” He started to run off but then did a frantic U-turn. “I’m gonna look and see if I can find him upstairs, you look down here and text me if you find him! Shit, this really isn’t good, the last time me and Cloud snuck some alcohol in Middle School he nearly passed out…Shit!” Aerith nodded quickly and they both went off in opposite directions in search of Cloud.

***

Cloud stumbled out the door, losing his balance and nearly falling face-first onto the stone pavement. Luckily, a pair of arms caught him around the waist just in time and Cloud glanced up to see Tifa’s face, frowning at him in concern. 

“Cloud! Are you okay?” Without waiting for an answer she helped him to the front stairs, just few feet from the door. She supported him as he slowly sank into a hunched sitting position and kneeled next to him.

“You don’t look well.” Tifa tilted her head slightly to try and get a better look at his face. “What happened?”

Cloud just shook his head, burying his head in his hands. “…I-I…” His throat immediately tightened and he found himself unable to speak while the world still spinning around him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the image of Zack and Aerith smiling at each other, their faces only inches apart.

Tifa just watched him quietly, putting hand on his back as he took rapid, shaky breaths. As Cloud’s breathing began to normalize after a few minutes she tried again. “…You came with Zack, right? Do you want me to find him?” Cloud visibly tensed and he quickly shook his head. 

“N-…no, I…I can’t…” He dug his fingers into his hair. “I can’t...I can’t…”

Tifa’s frowned deepened, beginning to get more concerned at Cloud’s state. “You can’t?”

“I can’t face him…” Cloud’s head was pounding, his entire body heavy and fuzzy-feeling as he felt the words begin to spill out of their own accord. “I know it’s stupid. It’s so, so stupid…They can be happy together, but I still…” He sunk his head down between his knees. “It hurts. It hurts so much…I can’t take it anymore…”

Tifa listened quietly, trying to put the pieces together about what exactly happened while she let Cloud continue to speak. After a moment, he let out a small, self-depreciating laugh. “Ha…It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

He couldn’t stop. His head didn’t feel right but for some reason he couldn’t make himself stop talking. It was as if a door had been opened a crack, letting out some of the thoughts he had never allowed to leave his own mind.

“What is…?” Tifa questioned, keeping her hand on Cloud’s back.

“This…Me…” Cloud moved one of his hands off his head, gesturing at nothing as he glanced at Tifa. “We’re both guys. He’s been my best friend since we were kids, and I shouldn’t—” Cloud sunk his face into his hands again, nails digging in his skin. “But I can’t help it, I can’t stop. He’s— I—” Cloud took a shuddery breath. “Zack, I…I love him…I love him so much…” He bit his lip, trying to keep steady as he felt the earth sway beneath him. “It…hurts…”

“…Cloud…?”

Cloud felt his blood run cold at the sound of his voice. Slowly, he raised his head and turned to see Zack a few feet behind them, eyes wide.

If he hadn’t heard everything, he had at least heard that last part.

“Zack—” Tifa began to stand up as she turned to face him. Cloud didn’t take a second more to hear what she was about to say to him. His body moved of its own accord as he scrambled to his feet and jumped down the few stairs, nearly tripping again as he landed.

“Cloud…! Cloud! Stop!!” 

He couldn’t tell whose voice was calling him. Either way, he ran blindly without stopping, sprinting as fast as his legs could carry him, running away from the realization of his worst nightmare. 

Zack knew. After years and years of hiding it, he knew.


	14. Scars of Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their true feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! In celebration of the FFVII remake announcement, which had me screaming and crying on my desk, here's the next chapter. Thank you all so so much for all of your lovely comments. I absolutely love re-reading them :D

“Cloud…! Cloud! Stop!” Zack shouted after the other teen’s quickly retreating form. Who knew that Cloud could run that fast when he was drunk? “Damn it…!” Zack began to run after him but was suddenly stopped as a manic Yuffie leapt onto his back, nearly causing himbto face plant onto the grass. She was hanging onto his shoulder with one arm and holding onto his waist with her legs. Her other hand was holding a red solo cup

“Aha! Out of the darkness of night, the great ninja strikes again! Now, give me your treasure!” The spiked punch had not only made Yuffie incredibly drunk, but the sugar seemed to have increase her already hyperactive nature. 

“Yuffie! Shit, I don’t have time for this…Would you get off already?!” Zack wasn’t in the mood for Yuffie’s antics at that particular moment but he also didn’t want to throw her off and hurt her, which lead to him performing a few awkward pushes as he tried to get her off. Unfortunately, Yuffie was quite a bit stronger than she looked and was able to hold on.

“I already told you, the only way to escape with your life is to hand me your trea- Aw, Tifa!” Luckily Tifa was able to get a better angle on the smaller girl and gently, but firmly, hoisted her up by her waist and set her on the ground. Yuffie stomped her foot, pouting. “No fair, that’s cheating!”

Zack let out a quick sigh of relief that was rapidly replaced by another round of swearing. Those 30 seconds of Yuffie distracting him had been enough for him to completely lose sight of Cloud and there were at least three different directions he could have gone. “ **Damn** it!” He began to sprint as fast as he could in the direction he last saw Cloud go, shouting back to a stunned Tifa as he did. “Tifa, go back to school and tell me if he’s there! Fuck, I can **not** believe—I’m so stupid!” 

Zack continued running as fast as he could, praying that Cloud hadn’t gotten that far ahead of him as gray clouds began to roll across the sky.

***

Cloud wasn’t sure how long he had been running. He kept taking sharp turns down alleyways and zig-zagging across crosswalks in hopes of losing whoever was chasing him. 

Actually, he wasn’t sure if anyone had actually been running after him at all. Besides the few shouts of his name at the beginning, he hadn’t heard anything behind him since then. He also hadn’t looked over his shoulder to check, out of fear that he would see Zack coming after him.

There was only so far Cloud could go before his body gave out, however. The pounding headache wasn’t helping either and by the time he stopped, gasping for air, he thought he may just pass out. 

Cloud doubled over, leaning against a building as he fought to breathe against his burning lungs. His legs felt like they were going to give out on him at any moment and the streets and the sky were still wobbling, making Cloud feel like he was starting to get seasick. 

_I think I’m gonna throw up…_ Sinking to a sitting position, Cloud covered his mouth as he heaved, not bothering to see if there was a trash can or anything he could stick his head into. The fact that he might throw up in the middle of the sidewalk was the least of his worries. All the pedestrians also seemed more than happy to just ignore a sick-looking teenager sitting against a dilapidated building and go about their business. 

Not that Cloud was in the mood to talk to anyone anyway.

After a few minutes of dry-heaving, the nausea passed and Cloud finally began to take a look at his surroundings. 

_Where the hell…_ He rubbed at his forehead, staring around in confusion. He had no idea what part of town this was. Of course, he hadn’t done much exploring of Midgar before this, so that wasn’t surprising. It looked a bit more run down than the area around the school and for a brief moment Cloud wondered if he was going to get mugged.

_Not like it matters. All I have on me is a few dollars and my student ID._ He had left his cell phone at home, which was the most valuable think he owned.

Home…

Cloud’s eyes widened as he stood up and started to look around frantically, the reality of his situation finally beginning to hit him. He was in the middle of the city with absolutely no idea where he was, without enough money to catch a cab and without a phone to call anyone. Not only that, but he still felt dizzy and his lungs and legs were burning from sprinting for what felt like miles.

And Zack…

That final realization hit him the hardest and he sunk back down to the ground, burying his head in his hands again.

_Zack knows…Zack knows, Zack knows, Zack knows…_ Cloud took a shaky breath, forcing himself to not start crying in the middle of the street. The people passing by were giving him strange looks now but no one stopped.

He had done it. He had blurted it out and now Zack knew everything. 

“Why did I have to say that?! Shit… **shit**!” Cloud curled in on himself, wishing that this was all part of some horrible nightmare that he would wake up from soon. Maybe he would wake up and everything would still be like it was, and Zack wouldn’t hate him or be disgusted…

The image of Zack’s shocked expression flickered before his eyes and Cloud quickly squeezed them shut, a few tears leaking out as he did. How would Zack treat him now? Now that he knew that Cloud had been harboring feelings for him for years?

He imagined Zack with a horrified, disgusted expression or just ignoring him completely and his heart began to ache. Cloud was sure he had never felt more lonely his entire life.

_Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Just…alone?_ Cloud raised his head slightly as the sound of thunder rumbled across the darkening sky. Of course, a thunderstorm was about to start. Cloud quickly wiped his eyes, shakily standing up with the help of the wall. He looked up again, watching as the clouds came together and drops of water slowly began to leak from above. 

The other pedestrians began to hurry past Cloud, some even pushing past him to get to their destinations as quickly as possible. Cloud made no effort to move from his spot. 

Not like he really cared. He was going to get soaked, but what did it matter? Zack wouldn’t be there to scold him and say he was going to catch something, and he wouldn’t be able to sarcastically reply that you don’t get colds from the rain.

Even if he did know how to get back to school, Cloud wouldn’t want to go there now anyway. He didn’t want to face anyone, especially not Zack.

_I can’t go back, but…_

The rain began to come down in full force, soaking Cloud within a few seconds.

_Where do I go from here?_

After a minute, whatever survival instinct Cloud had left finally kicked in and he began to scan the area for some sort of shelter. Spotting a covered bus stop across the street, he slowly made his way over to it and sat down, leaning his head against the side. Cold, wet, exhausted and miserable he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. Maybe if he went to sleep, this really would all turn out to be a dream and when he woke up none of it would have ever happened.

***

“Cloud? Cloud…!”

He wasn’t sure how long he had been dozing off but his dreamless sleep was suddenly interrupted by the sound of someone calling his name. It was distant sounding but familiar. He tried to ignore it at first and fall back to sleep, but it became louder and more desperate-sounding and he soon felt a warm hand grip his shoulder and begin to shake it.

“Cloud! Hey…!”

Groaning as he was suddenly hit with a splitting headache and a sore neck, Cloud slowly opened his eyes and the world began to come into focus. He was still sitting at that bus stop in the middle of the night, the storm from earlier still continuing to patter on the roof. Cloud’s focus moved to the person in front of him and he immediately stiffened when he realized who had been calling him.

Zack was kneeling in front of him with one hand on his shoulder, his hair and clothes looking thoroughly soaked. His face, which had been pale and anxious-looking, brightened slightly. 

“Thank goodness…!” He took his hand off of Cloud’s shoulder and slowly began to stand up. “I was starting to think you weren’t gonna wake up for a second. I—”

“W-What…What are you doing here, Zack!?” Cloud interrupted, staring up at Zack with wide eyes. Heart pounding and feeling cornered, he quickly tried to stand up and back away from Zack, though it was too quick for his still-dizzy head and he wound up just falling backwards and landing on the other side of the bus stop bench.

Zack immediately moved to help him but Cloud held up a hand. “Don’t! Just…just don’t…!” Breathing heavily, Cloud sat up and shrunk up against the bus stop wall, trying to stay as far away as possible from the other teen. “Just what…” His voice cracked and Cloud felt another wave of humiliation and hurt pass through him. Unable to look at Zack’s face anymore, he leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees as he stared at the ground. “…Why are you here…”

“Why am I…?” Zack repeated softly. Even without looking at his face, Cloud could tell just how confused he was just by the sound of his voice. “I’ve been looking for you, of course…! You ran off and I had no idea where you went and—”

“Zack, I mean **why** are you **here** after you heard that?!” Cloud was shaking now. “You did, didn’t you? You had been standing there for a while, and I—” He grit his teeth. “You heard what I said…!”

Zack stayed quiet for a few seconds as a round of thunder rumbled in the background. “I…I did…Cloud—” Cloud heard the other boy swallow and he knew this was it. Zack was going to turn around and leave the second he realized what this meant. “H-…” Zack’s voice cracked slightly and he cleared his throat. When he spoke again, his voice sounded smaller than before. “How long…have you…have you felt…”

Cloud cringed. Why did it matter? So Zack could be even more horrified when he realized just how long Cloud had kept these creepy feelings hidden? 

He sighed, closing his eyes. Well, if this was going to be how their relationship ended, he might as well be honest. He owed Zack that much, at least.

“Since…Middle School, I guess. 7th or 8th grade was when I really realized it.” Cloud put his hands over his face, his voice soft and defeated. “I know, I know…It’s gross, right? You’re disgusted now, aren’t you? We’re both guys, but I still—”

Cloud froze as he was interrupted by Zack’s sudden embrace. In a flash, the other teenager was on the bench, as close to Cloud as he could possibly be, with his arms tightly wrapped around him.

“Cloud…!” Zack took a shaky breath and tightened his hold, Cloud’s face practically buried into his shoulder. “Christ, Cloud…How am I ever supposed to make this up to you?! For years? **Years?!** For years you’ve been suffering and miserable like this and I never…I never **knew** …! Shit, I’m such a fucking **idiot**!”

Cloud’s body felt frozen in place, unable to move or even breathe. What was happening? What was Zack **doing**?

“Z-Zack…w-what…” Weakly, Cloud tried to push away but Zack kept a firm hold. “Didn’t you hear what I said?! Why are you…”

“Yeah, I heard you. Of course, I heard you, Cloud…” Zack pulled away slightly so that he could look at Cloud’s face, putting his hands on Cloud’s shoulders. 

_What is he doing? Why is he looking at me like that?_

“Then—”

“I feel the same way.” Zack’s tone was unwavering as he looked straight into Cloud’s eyes. His expression was more serious than Cloud had ever remembered seeing, but his voice was still gentle and kind. “I like you too, Cloud.”

All of the air rushed out of Cloud’s lungs as he stared up at Zack, eyes wide. After what felt like hours, he finally managed to force his voice to work. “W….what…?” His voice felt so small he was surprised Zack heard it, even from being that close to him. “You…what…”

It was impossible. Zack had to be mistaken, or had misunderstood what Cloud had been saying.

He nodded, beginning to smile gently. “I like you too.” 

“Zack, I—” Cloud quickly shook his head and looked away, unable to stare at Zack’s heartbreakingly beautiful smile. “Zack, I don’t mean just liking you as a friend! I mean, I know you care about me too, of **course** you do, but I…I mean I want to—” He closed his eyes tightly, feeling his face burn with shame. “Every time you get near me I just want to hold you and kiss you and I know…I know I **can’t** and it hurts because you would never want—”

Cloud stopped. Zack’s hands were suddenly on his cheeks, gently cupping his face as he turned Cloud to face him, tilting his head up slightly. 

Zack looked nervous for a second as he stared into Cloud’s eyes but then his expression was quickly replaced with one of resolution as he moved his face closer. “I know what you meant.” He muttered softly.

Cloud’s heart felt like it was about to pound straight out of his chest as Zack slowly, softly, pressed his lips against his. 

Cloud had never been kissed before but he was sure that nothing could compare to the sensation of finally, **finally** feeling Zack’s soft lips against his, or the way he gently tilted Cloud’s head slightly so that they wouldn’t be bumping noses.

After what seemed like both an extremely long and short time, Zack pulled away slightly, searching Cloud’s face for a reaction. His eyes widened slightly. “Hey now, come on, that was supposed to make you cry **less** not **more** …!” His thumbs rubbed at the corners of Cloud’s eyes, wiping away tears that he hadn’t even realized were falling. But even now that he realized it, he couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks. “I’m not that bad of a kisser, right?” Zack gave a little half smile, obviously trying to make Cloud feel better, but that only served to make him start to choke back sobs.

“B-But I thought…I-I thought you and Aerith—”

Zack blinked a few times, then tilted his head in confusion. “Aerith?”

This couldn’t be real. Cloud had to be dreaming still.

“Y-You…I thought you two liked each other…”

Zack stared at him in confusion. “Is that what you thought? Cloud…” He quickly shook his head. “We’re just friends.”

Cloud felt his entire body begin to shake. All these years of torturing himself…

“I’ll say it as many times as you need for you to believe me.”

All the times Cloud’s heart ached with desire, the times he avoided Zack when it became too much, all the loneliness…

Zack shifted his hands so that only one was on the side of Cloud’s face, cradling his cheek. “I like **you** , Cloud”

It was as if the locked door over Cloud’s heart had suddenly burst open, releasing the flood of emotions and desires that he had kept suppressed for so long. It was too much to take and Cloud suddenly burst into sobs, throwing his arms around Zack’s neck and burying his face into the taller boy’s shoulder. 

Zack’s arms were just as quickly around him again, holding him just as tightly. “Cloud…”

Cloud didn’t care about how ridiculous or pathetic he looked as he continued to sob, making Zack’s already rain-soaked shirt even damper. All those years of pent-up emotions were flowing freely now and Cloud was being completely overwhelmed.

“Cloud, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry…” Zack murmured, kissing Cloud’s forehead, his neck, and even right below his eyes as tears continued to flow. “You’ve been in pain for a really long time, haven’t you? I’m—”

Cloud interrupted him, quickly shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter.” His voice was hoarse, tears still rolling down his cheeks. “It doesn’t matter now…”

Zack kissed the top of Cloud’s head in response and Cloud leaned his head against the other teen’s chest. “Zack…”

Zack rested his hand on the top of Cloud’s head, tenderly petting his hair. “Yeah?”

“This…isn’t a dream, right?” Cloud glanced up at Zack. For some reason, he still couldn’t believe it. It seemed too good to true.

Zack laughed softly, leaning down to kiss Cloud’s forehead again. “It’s not, I promise. I guess I could pinch you, if you want?” Zack grinned in response to Cloud’s unamused expression. “Though, I guess this might work too.” And with that, he tilted his head downwards, pressing his lips to Cloud’s once again. Cloud immediately melted into the kiss, pressing up almost desperately in order to kiss him back.

Kissing Zack was even better the second time.

Zack pulled away after a moment, his cheeks now looking a bit red as he smiled brightly. “So? Does that convince you?”

Cloud nodded slowly, completely entranced by Zack’s face and still in disbelief over any of this being real. “Yeah…” His heart pounding, Cloud leaned up and pressed a shy kiss of his own to Zack’s lips. Even after all of this, his body automatically stiffened in fear that Zack would suddenly reject him and he would be pushed away.

To Cloud’s relief, when he pulled away and hesitantly glanced up at Zack’s eyes his smile was still there: genuine and affectionate. Cloud’s heart swelled at the sight of it and he leaned against Zack again. He wrapped his arms wrapped tightly around Zack as he gripped the back of his shirt as Zack began to alternate between nuzzling at the side of Cloud’s head and kissing his forehead and cheek, softly murmuring his name. 

For the first time in years, Cloud was able to relax in Zack’s warm embrace without feeling guilty. 

And for the first time in just as long, he felt truly happy.


	15. Fufilled Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

Cloud awoke the next morning with a pounding headache and a terrible taste in his mouth. Groaning slightly, he cracked open his eyes for a second before immediately squeezing them back shut, the light streaming through his window only making his headache worse.

 _Back in my room, huh…_

Just as Cloud’s heart began to sink as he wondered whether or not last night was all a dream, he heard a soft groan next to him as a warm body scooted closer to him, curled up against Cloud’s back. Eyes widening, Cloud sat up slightly to look behind him and to make sure that, yes, this was really Zack, who was lying on his side. His spikes were in disarray against the pillow as he slept soundly.

 _Is that my shirt?_ Cloud wondered, noticing how one of his light blue sleep shirts looked a bit tight around Zack’s shoulders. Slowly, the events of last night began to piece themselves together. Zack had finally been able to call them a cab back to school but unfortunately the car ride had exacerbated Cloud’s nausea and he had thrown up the moment they got back to the dorms. Luckily, they had at least made it to the bathroom.

Cloud had been embarrassed but when Zack showed no interest in going back to his own room and had instead borrowed Cloud’s shirt so he could have something warm to change into (though he had declined on the pants, saying he preferred to sleep in his boxers), Cloud couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest person alive to be able to fall asleep in Zack’s arms.

And now, even though Cloud had a splitting headache, seeing Zack lying there, feeling his chest against his back and hearing his soft breathing as he slept, Cloud was sure he had never been happier. Lying back down, Cloud turned so that he was facing Zack and pressed his face against his chest, closing his eyes again. He opened them again in surprise when Zack shifted slightly, then wrapped an arm around Cloud’s shoulders and pulled him closer.

“You awake already…?” Zack mumbled, his tired voice slightly lower than usual. “It’s the weekend, y’know…”

“Sorry…” Cloud replied, trying to get his heart to stop pounding at the feeling of Zack’s arms around him. 

“S’fine…You feelin’ okay? You need me to get you some water?”

Cloud shook his head, moving his arm so that it was resting on Zack’s waist. He hoped that gesture helped convey the words he was too embarrassed to say. _I don’t want you to go anywhere._

Zack apparently got the message, since he chuckled lightly and kissed the top of Cloud’s head, causing the blonde to bury his face further against Zack’s chest as a blush crept up his neck. “Well, hope you don’t mind me not kissing you on the mouth yet after the bathroom adventure last night. At least not until after you brush your teeth.”

“Shut up, it’s not my fault…” Cloud grumbled in response.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I guess no more house parties for a while though, right?” He paused. “Although, I guess you downing that spiked drink ended up being a good thing.” Zack glanced down at Cloud, smiling. “Right?”

Cloud stared up at him, unsure of how to respond. Zack probably had a point. If he hadn’t gotten unintentionally drunk, he never would have said all of those things out loud and Zack never would have overheard. 

“…Yeah.” He mumbled softly. “Hey, Zack.”

“Yeah?”

Cloud closed his eyes. “If this is a dream, don’t wake me up, okay?”

“Huh?” Zack looked down at Cloud, blinking in surprise. “Are you still thinking that? I would’ve thought you’d realized it’s definitely not by now.” He laughed a bit. “If you keep it up I really am gonna pinch you.”

Cloud shook his head. “I know. It’s just I— I never thought that you would ever…”

Zack tilted his head slightly, watching Cloud quietly for a moment then moved so that he was resting his chin on the top of Cloud’s head. “Is it really that surprising, though? I dunno, I guess the fact that I would fall for you…it just seems natural, I guess.”

Cloud resisted saying what was on his mind, that it didn’t seem natural at all to him. Cloud thought that there must be ten, maybe twenty people out there that would be better for Zack than he was. Even now, he didn’t quite understand what it was that Zack saw in him.

But he knew that if he said that, Zack would just give him a confused look and tell him that he needed to stop being so down on himself all the time. Maybe later, when he was more convinced that it wasn’t a dream, he would ask. But for now, he felt more than content with the feeling of Zack’s arms around him and his own arm resting comfortably on Zack’s waist. Cloud began to drift off to sleep again but was interrupted by the sound of Zack’s soft chuckle.

“What is it?” he murmured into Zack’s chest.

“Nothing, I was just remembering all of a sudden. The fact that you thought Aerith and I were interested in each other…”

Cloud unconsciously gripped the fabric of Zack’s shirt. “What about it?”

“Well, it’s just, you know— Well I guess you wouldn’t know if you thought that. Anyway, her and Tifa, they’re actually going out.”

Cloud remained silent for a few seconds as it sunk in, then shot straight up into a sitting position, staring at Zack with wide eyes. “They… **what**?”

Zack’s eyes sparkled in amusement as he smiled back. “Yup. I walked in on them in the greenhouse about a month back, being pretty…personal, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Aerith didn’t seem that embarrassed but Tifa made me swear up and down not to tell a soul. But I figure telling you now isn’t gonna hurt anything and I know you won’t go spreading it around.” Zack reached up, resting his hand on the side of Cloud’s face with a gentle smile. “Plus, I don’t want you to have any doubts about who it is I’m interested in.”

Cloud glanced to the side, feeling a strong mixture of humiliation and relief. “I guess…I feel pretty ridiculous for assuming all of that now…”

Zack quickly sat up, putting his other hand on the other side of Cloud’s face. “Hey, hey, come on now. Don’t feel too bad about it.” Zack tilted Cloud’s face so that he was looking at him. “But that’s what happens when you stay inside your head too long. You start assuming a lot of stuff and become your own worst enemy.” He rested his forehead against Cloud’s and, despite his embarrassment, Cloud’s felt himself trapped in Zack’s gaze. “That’s why I want you to come to me if something’s bothering you, okay? Especially now.” Zack kissed his forehead and it was just a gentle, affectionate gesture that Cloud thought he was going to die from just how **loved** he felt. 

“Zack…” Cloud started. Zack tilted his head with a curious smile.

“Yeah?”

“I—” He stared up into Zack’s eyes, trying to form the words; trying to convey just how happy he was, how lucky he felt that someone like Zack felt the same way, how he wanted to do everything that he possibly could to make sure that Zack felt just as happy.

But, like usual, he just couldn’t find a way to express all of that in words. So instead, he wrapped his arms around Zack and buried his face into his neck, holding the other tightly. He would work more on expressing himself later but, for now, this was all he could think to do.

Zack seemed to understand at least, hugging him back with a huge smile on his face. “I love you, Cloud.” He kissed the side of his head. “I love you so, so much…” Cloud responded by holding the other even tighter, taking a soft shaky breath. Even if he could form the words, the large lump that formed in his throat would have stopped them from coming out anyway.

***

The next day, Zack and Cloud were eating lunch together in the cafeteria when they were suddenly joined by Yuffie, Tifa and Aerith. Yuffie still looked a bit out of it from her hangover yesterday and Cloud was able to appreciate just how close Aerith and Tifa were sitting next to each other. 

_I guess I had been so sure about Aerith and Zack that I hadn’t even really noticed it before._ Cloud glanced over at Zack, who was scooting a little further from Yuffie just in case she started to throw up. _’My own worst enemy’, huh? I guess he’s right about that._

“Ugh, my head still hurts.” Yuffie groaned, resting her head on the table. “I need food, and fast.”

“What the heck does eating have to do with making your head hurt less?” Zack questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

“Nothing, just that being full is gonna take my mind off of how much it hurts!” Yuffie grinned, causing Zack to roll his eyes. 

“Just as long as you don’t start throwing up again. Don’t you think you should take it easy for a while? You definitely had a lot to drink at that party.”  
¬¬¬¬  
Yuffie pouted, pointing at Cloud. “Cloud puked too and you didn’t give him a hard time! You even stayed in his room all weekend to take care of him and—”

“That’s different.” Zack interrupted before Yuffie could continue down that train of thought. He looked to Cloud with a grin and causing him to flush. “That’s definitely different.”

“Different? Different how?” Yuffie looked to Aerith and Tifa, who were nodding.

“It’s definitely different.” Tifa answered, smiling at Yuffie.

“It really is.” Aerith gave Cloud a knowing smile. Cloud gave a small, but genuine, smile of his own in return.

“Oh, whatever! I’m gonna go get some fries.” Yuffie stood up in and walked off in a huff.

“So what happened that night?” Aerith asked. “Zack texted us and said that he had found you, but he didn’t really say much else.”

Cloud looked down, unsure of how to start. “Well…”

Zack suddenly jumped up. “Oh, crap, what time is it?! Sorry, I have to get to basketball practice. We just have some training exercises today but I figure I should probably show up anyway. I’ll see you guys later.” Much to Cloud’s surprise, he suddenly leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “See you, Cloud.” With a grin and a wave he was off and Cloud was left with Aerith and Tifa, who were both staring with mouths slightly ajar. Blushing furiously, Cloud sunk his head down onto the table, feeling warm all over.

“Well…I guess that we can figure out what happened on Friday night.” Tifa began to smile, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“Mm-hm, I’d definitely say so!” Aerith smiled brightly, clasping her hands together. “Don’t look so embarrassed, Cloud! It’s really sweet.”

Tifa nodded. “I’m glad that everything turned out okay. Especially after everything you said that night…we were both really worried.”

“Sorry…I didn’t mean to make you worry so much.” Cloud picked his head up slightly but still felt the urge to cover his face with his hands. 

“It’s fine! But it’s not that surprising, you know.” Aerith looked towards Tifa for a moment, then back at Cloud. “Even when you’re not around, Zack never seems to be able to stop talking or thinking about you. So I knew that when the time came, your feelings would be able to reach other.”

Cloud raised his head all the way, watching Aerith quietly for a moment before beginning to smile. “I guess you’re right about that.”

Tifa rested her chin on her palm. “It’s great.” She smiled. “I’ve never seen you look this happy before, Cloud.”

“Yeah…” Cloud glanced down thoughtfully then back up at the two of them, his smile even brighter. “I feel a lot lighter, too. I never noticed how heavy the weight had gotten but, now that it’s gone…” He trailed off, trying to find the words. After a moment, he gave up and just settled on the simplest ones. Nodding to himself, he looked to the two of them with a smile. 

“I feel…really happy.”

***

It turns out that “Just some training exercises” turned into “More squats than you could imagine” and Zack returned to the dorms utterly exhausted. So exhausted, in fact, that when he went to his room to watch some T.V. with Cloud, he ended up curled on his mattress and asleep within minutes. Kunsel had gone shopping with some of the other people on their floor, so the two of them were left alone together. Eventually, Cloud turned off the T.V. and crawled onto the bed next to Zack, turned so that he could watch the other teenager’s face.

“Zack…” He whispered. “Ae you awake?” Upon not receiving an answer he slowly reached over to Zack’s face, running his hand along his cheek then through his hair. 

_It really is soft…_

Cloud couldn’t help but be reminded of that night, so many years ago, when he first tried touching Zack’s hair and nearly kissed his friend in his sleep. All of the guilt and anguish still felt so fresh in his mind, and yet, was now beginning to feel like it was from a completely different time altogether. 

Now, he could pet Zack’s hair and touch his face and his lips as much as he liked. Now that he knew that Zack would be fine with it, that he wanted to do those same things to him and to even **kiss** him too. 

He almost felt overwhelmed. 

“Zack, I—” He started but then stopped when he felt his voice catch and let out a breath. He needed to figure out how to tell Zack how he felt. Did he even know how much Cloud loved him? Did Zack know how happy it made him feel, to be able to lie there with him like this and watch his peaceful face as he slept?

Well, he definitely wouldn’t know it if he couldn’t figure out a way to tell him. 

_Maybe I could practice while he’s asleep?_

“Zack, I-I—” Cloud swallowed, glaring in irritation at himself. What was he doing, stuttering when Zack was asleep and couldn’t even hear what he was saying?

Sighing, he tried saying it in his head instead.

_Zack, I love you._

He brushed Zack’s bangs out of his face, keeping his hand rested in his hair 

_I love you, Zack…_

Cloud ran his hand down Zack’s neck and to his shoulder, gently brushing his fingers down the other’s arm and tracing meaningless patterns on his hand. After a moment, he tilted his head thoughtfully and began to trace out words.

I love you.

Blushing, Cloud buried his face against the pillow and resolved to try and practice some more. Suddenly, he felt Zack shift and when he looked back, Zack was staring back at him with a bright smile. Cloud’s eyes widened slightly.

“Zack—”

“I love you too, Cloud.” Zack reached over and tenderly brushed his hand against the other’s hot cheek. Smiling, he leaned over and kissed him, just like Cloud wanted to do to Zack all of those years ago.

Feeling too embarrassed and happy to respond, Cloud instead scooted closer to Zack and curled up against his chest.

That time when Cloud felt so unbelievably lonely, when he felt that there would be no way that Zack could ever return his feelings, was beginning to seem even further away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we're going to get something people have wanted: A chapter from Zack's POV and some smut! So please look forward to the last chapter of this fic.


	16. Sky-Blue Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He always had loved him.

If there was one thing that Zack was sure if, it was that Cloud was the most adorable person he had ever met.

Even when they were younger, Zack always felt the urge to hold him close in a hug or a headlock to play with that wonderfully soft and spiky hair of his. It was made even better by the flustered faces that Cloud would make as he flailed or tried to push him away. Seeing those expressions would always make bright laughter burst forth, even has he tried to suppress it, which would make Cloud pout even more.

Though, as much fun as he was to tease, it made him even happier to make Cloud smile.

No matter how down or irritated he was feeling, seeing Cloud’s eyes light up and a smile tug at the corners of his lips always gave Zack a warm feeling deep in his chest. When Cloud laughed he would feel completely warm all over as he laughed along. And when Cloud would give those rare, but not any less genuine, big and bright smiles? Well, that was enough to make Zack happy for days.

That was why he could never understand people who said that Cloud seemed “aloof”, “cold” or even “mopey”. Zack never had any problems reading how Cloud was feeling, with how expressive even the smallest motions of his face were. Couldn’t people see how Cloud’s eyes would light up when he would make a sarcastic comment, so it was obvious that he was joking? Couldn’t they see how those same eyes would flicker to the ground when he felt guilty or upset about something?

No, Zack definitely couldn’t understand it. Even if he couldn’t tell what Cloud was thinking half the time, he could always tell if he was feeling down or upset about something, no matter how hard the other boy would try and make it seem like he didn’t care. Why was it that so few people seemed to want to put in a little effort to understand?

In fact, one of the only times he had gotten angry at a family member was when they had accused Cloud of being cold and “off”. It was when they were around 10 years old and an aunt from out of town was staying over at his parents’ house. Zack had just come inside with Cloud when his mother told him to be polite and introduce his friend.

“Oh! Right. Auntie, this is Cloud. He’s my best friend!” He had said cheerfully. Cloud’s eyes immediately sunk to the floor as he half-hid behind Zack, barely muttering out a soft “Hello” that was probably inaudible to everyone but Zack. 

Zack didn’t think twice about Cloud’s lackluster introduction. It was just Cloud being Cloud, after all, so he immediately chattered on. “Mom, Cloud can sleep over right? Great! Come on, Cloud, I wanna show you my new game.” Cloud had nodded with a smile in his eyes (but not his lips) and followed him up to his room without a backwards glance, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt. About 30 minutes later, when Zack went downstairs to grab drinks for the both of them, he inadvertently walked in on what quickly becoming an argument between his mother and his aunt.  
“—I’m telling you, I don’t like it. That boy is just **off** I’m telling you. And you say his mother is raising him out of wedlock?! Zack is such an outgoing boy, I know he could make better friends. You can already see how dependent he is on Zack, and that’s just not right!”

His mother was obviously trying to hold in her temper as she began to speak, but Zack hadn’t developed any of those sort of skills at the time as he quickly ran down the stairs and into the living room.

“Who are you talking about? Is it Cloud?!” He remembered feeling an unfamiliar anger begin to boil within him as both his mother and aunt had stared at him, astonished. “What do you mean **off**? Cloud isn’t **off**!”

“Zack, that’s rude to—” His mother began, but Zack practically stomped his foot in anger.

“I don’t care! You can ground me if you want! But I won’t let her say stuff like that that isn’t true! Especially not about Cloud!

His aunt had stood up, beginning to turn red, but his mother had quickly grabbed her son’s arm and gently ushered him out of the living room and towards the stairs. “It’s not true! I couldn’t find a better friend! She—!”

To his surprise, his mother didn’t scold him as she gave him a gentle push up the stairs. “I know, I know. Now let the adults talk, okay?” Zack remembered seeing a look he couldn’t quite place on his mother’s face as she quickly turned back into the living room. “Now see here, if you think you can come into **my** house and tell me who should and shouldn’t be interacting with **my** child—!” Zack hadn’t been able to hear the rest of the conversation after that, since his mother had quickly slammed the living room door. When Zack reached the top of the stairs, he spotted Cloud sitting at the top of them, leaning against the wall. He had his knees drawn to his chest and he was resting his chin on them. 

Something in Cloud’s expression made Zack’s stomach twist. It seemed as if he was doing is best to look like he wasn’t feeling anything but that only made the sadness in his eyes more apparent. Just when he had opened his mouth to ask if Cloud had been listening to the fight, Cloud spoke first.

“…There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?”

Zack tilted his head, obviously confused. “Huh?”

“I— If only I was more like you, then maybe…” Cloud trailed off, resting his head between his knees. “Maybe people wouldn’t…”

“Cloud…!” Zack remembered feeling a constriction in his chest, like someone was squeezing his heart when he heard the tone in Cloud’s voice. “What are you saying? There’s definitely nothing wrong with you!” He immediately went to Cloud’s side, sitting next to his friend and putting an arm around his shoulders. “Listen to me, Cloud. I don’t care what anyone else says, okay? I like you for being **you** and nobody else!”

Cloud hesitated for a moment then slowly lifted his head to look up at Zack. “…Really?”

Zack nodded firmly. “Really! And I definitely don’t want you to be like me.” He grinned, hoping to make Cloud smile. “I mean, it’d be just like talking to myself all the time, right?”

Slowly, a small smile began to form on Cloud’s face. “I guess that would be pretty boring.”

“Right? I mean, I know I’m pretty fun to talk to, but…I’d probably run out of stuff to talk about.” Cloud began to laugh and Zack quickly joined him, hugging him from the side.

It was always like that between them. Whenever Cloud would get that sad, heartbroken expression on his face, Zack would suddenly feel on the verge of tears himself. He would do anything to see Cloud smile, to make him laugh just a little.

So on that night at the house party, when Cloud’s body was slumped over as he was supported by Tifa, with that broken and hopeless tone in his voice, when he turned and looked at Zack with that terrified, miserable expression, Zack’s stomach turned to a block of ice. He had never been as scared as he had been through the next few hours that night, when he ran through the city with no idea where Cloud had gone or if he was even okay.

Then when Cloud looked at him, wondering why he had even tried to look for him, thinking that he hated him or was even **disgusted** , that was about all Zack was able to stand. It was all he could take, especially knowing that all of the loneliness and despair that Cloud had been feeling was completely his fault.

Maybe he had had his reasons, but not telling Cloud how he felt earlier had almost completely ruined everything.

_Well, I’ll just have to make sure Cloud knows exactly how I feel_

“Zack…”

_And to make him feel as loved as possible, to make up for all the time he’s felt so lonely…_

“Zack!”

Zack opened his eyes to see Cloud’s face peering down at him from above, a slightly exasperated expression on his face. Zack couldn’t help but crack a smile. Even when Cloud looked annoyed, he was way too adorable.

“Hey, what’s up Cloud?”

“I’ve been looking around for you for the past 10 minutes. What are you doing lying outside on the bench in the middle of November? Were you seriously **sleeping**?” Cloud stood up straight, folding his arms as he did so. Zack yawned and stretched his arms, standing up from the bench and doing a few squats to warm himself up.

“I was just thinking.”

Cloud tilted his head slightly. “About what?”

“Nothing to worry about. Just guy stuff.” Zack grinned as Cloud narrowed his eyes. Cloud would probably kill him if he knew how often he called Cloud’s expressions ‘Adorable” in his head.

“I’m a guy too, you know.”

“I know, I know! I’m just kidding!” Zack laughed, playfully ruffling Cloud’s hair. Cloud tried to suppress a laugh, which he failed to do as Zack put an arm around him and kissed the side of his head. Cloud had gotten more used to Zack’s public displays of affection in the past few months but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t blush to the tips of his ears when Zack would hug or kiss him. 

That was fine with Zack, though. Even if it did embarrass him, he could tell that it made Cloud happy.

“So what about you? Are you done with practice?”

Cloud nodded. “Yeah. I’m free for the rest of the day”

“What a coincidence! So am I. Late night drills got cancelled, so I’m free to enjoy my evening.”

Zack could see Cloud’s ears practically perk up at that. “Then, do you—” He started but then paused, glancing to the side as he hesitated.

To be honest, Zack knew what Cloud probably wanted to ask him. Even so, he liked to hear Cloud ask these sort of things himself. “Do I…what?”

“Um…” Cloud hesitated again, looking shyer by the second. “Do you…wanna go see a movie?”

Zack brightened, pulling Cloud a little closer to him. “Oh? You wanna go on a date, huh?”  
Cloud immediately became flustered, trying to pull out of Zack’s grip. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I just—”

“Cloud!” Zack laughed, pulling the blonde back into a hug. Even though he enjoyed teasing Cloud a little, he knew when to stop too. “Of course I’d love to! I was just thinking the same thing, actually. There are a couple of movies that came out recently that looked good.” Cloud, who had initially stiffened in his embrace, relaxed completely at that. “Anything you wanna see?”

Cloud shook his head, wrapping his arms around Zack’s back. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Aw come on, I feel bad picking the movies all the time.” Zack replied with a slight pout. 

Cloud’s grip tightened slightly and he could see the tips of Cloud’s ears begin to turn red. “I don’t really care, as long as I…we get to spend time together.” Cloud rushed through the last part of that sentence, looking about ready to shrink back with embarrassment.

Zack stared down at him for a few seconds, mouth ajar. He could feel his heart swell with affection at Cloud’s words and the obvious embarrassment on his face.

_He’s just too cute…_

Zack absolutely loved how hard Cloud tried to both conceal his feelings and make them known; how much he wanted Zack to know how he felt but still felt so embarrassed to tell him.

Cloud interrupted his train of thought with a slight frown, narrowing his eyes slightly as he looked up at Zack. “What are you staring at?”

_Definitely way too cute for me to handle._

He leaned down and kissed Cloud on the forehead. “Nothing. Just thinking about how much I love you.”

Cloud flailed at that, half-heartedly trying to push away as he tried and failed to restrain his laughter. “Zack!” Zack laughed along with him, holding on even tighter.

_I’m so lucky to have Cloud._

***

“God damn, it’s cold! Since when is it allowed to snow in October?” Zack shivered, wrapping his arms around himself.

The two of them were walking back to school from the movie theater, side by side. A thin layer of snow lined the sidewalks with flakes continuing to lazily drift down from the night sky. Zack shivered again, pulling his hat further down his head as a gust of wind blew by.

“You’re the one who’s more sensitive to the cold, so I don’t know why you don’t dress warmer.” Cloud replied, eyeing Zack’s lack of gloves and scarf.

“Well it felt fine when we left! Plus I couldn’t find them and we were running late anyway.”

“We were running late because you kept forgetting things, like your wallet. And then your keys. And then the money **inside** your wallet.” Cloud said wryly, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Zack gave him a pout. “Aw come on Cloud, cut a guy some slack. Plus we made it on time! And that movie ended up being lots of fun! Like that awesome action scene at the end.”

Cloud nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I just wish that couple behind us hadn’t been making out the whole time.”

“Aw I just tuned ‘em out after a while.” Zack gave him a devilish grin. “What’s wrong, were you jealous because we weren’t—”

Cloud interrupted him with a swat on the arm, though he was beginning to flush. “Oh shut it.”

Zack laughed brightly, though that was interrupted by a sudden sneeze. “Gah! Damn this cold…” Zack rubbed his nose a little but then blinked in surprise when he saw Cloud suddenly get in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. “What’s wrong, Cloud?”

Without saying a word, Cloud began to unwrap his scarf from around himself, his eyes seeming to look everywhere except Zack’s face as he reached up and put it around Zack’s shoulders. Zack’s eyes widened slightly, beginning to protest. “Cloud, you can’t—”

“I’m fine. You’re the one that’s always been worse in this kind of weather, anyway…” Cloud interrupted, quickly wrapping the scarf around Zack’s neck before pulling back, staring down at the ground for a moment before glancing up and hesitantly meeting Zack’s eyes.

_Cloud’s always been doing stuff like this, hasn’t he?_

“Cloud—” Zack started to say without even knowing how he wanted to finish that sentence.

_He’s always been taking care of me._

Zack couldn’t help but think how beautiful Cloud looked in that moment. His face was beginning to turn red but his eyes, despite their shyness, were full of affection and…maybe something else too. Their faces were only a few inches apart, but Zack wanted to be even closer. Slowly, he raised his hands and put them on either side of Cloud’s face. Cloud jumped slightly but didn’t pull away.

“Your…hands are cold…” Cloud muttered softly, his eyes flickering between Zack’s gaze and Zack’s lips.

_God, I love him so much. What am I even gonna do with myself?_

“Sorry…” Zack, obviously not really thinking about what he was saying. Without another word he pressed his lips to Cloud’s, tilting his head to get a better angle. Cloud inhaled sharply through his nose, reaching up to cling onto the back of Zack’s jacket.

After a moment Zack pressed his tongue to Cloud’s lips, which opened with a soft sound of approval. Zack eagerly began to explore Cloud’s mouth, indulging in the warmth and taste. Zack could still taste some of the chocolate that Cloud had been eating in the theater, which made him smile a little, though that soon turned into a gasp as Cloud began to press his tongue along Zack’s and began to try to take some more control in the kiss.

 _Damn, this is bad…_ Zack’s hands moved from Cloud’s face down to his waist, pulling him closer. _I really, really don’t want to stop_

Cloud pulled away for a second, barely taking a moment to breathe before pressing his lips to Zack’s again and Zack eagerly began where he left off. Their bodies were flush against each other now and Zack thanked God for all of the extra layers the both of them were wearing. Otherwise, Cloud would probably have noticed that Zack was probably getting a little **too** excited, considering they were both still in public.

This had begun to happen over the past few months, as the two of them had gone from simple kisses on the lips to something much more intense. They hadn’t gone beyond kisses and simple touches yet but…God knows Zack had been thinking about it. A **lot** , actually.

Kunsel had teased him about how often he had gotten up a few minutes early to take a cold shower, but what else could he do? Cloud probably wasn’t ready to go that far yet, considering how shy he still was about Zack getting cuddly with him. Then again, they hadn’t even really talked about it either, so for all he knew Cloud maybe **never** wanted to go further than they had gone already.

The thing that had been absolutely terrifying Zack for the past month was the fear that he would completely lose control of himself and pull Cloud into doing something he didn’t want to do. What if he just went along with something just because he thought it was what Zack wanted to do? Zack was used to pushing Cloud a little outside of his comfort zone in other things but what if he pushed him too hard with this? The thought of doing something to Cloud that he didn’t like, or even hated, filled Zack with such an ice-cold terror and disgust that he would be left reeling for at least a half hour.

But in these moments, when Cloud’s tongue was in his mouth and he was making small gasps for breath as they pulled apart, Zack could feel himself losing it. He wanted to touch Cloud, feel Cloud’s soft skin against his, see him writhing and moaning beneath him and…

“Hey, you kids get a room!”

The two of them immediately pulled apart, looking over to see an old man grumbling about “Damn kids these days” as he hurriedly walked by. Zack quickly wiped his mouth, laughing a bit nervously as he tried to catch his breath. “Ahahaha, I guess this probably isn’t the best place to do this, huh…” 

_Damn, that was close. I was seriously about to start trying to get under his clothes in the middle of the freaking street._

He looked down at Cloud, who was staring off to the side with an unreadable expression. Was he upset? Or angry?

Tilting his head slightly, he looked at Cloud with a concerned expression. “Cloud? What is it?”

Cloud quickly shook himself out of it, shaking his head as he looked to Zack then straight ahead. “It’s nothing…Come on, let’s go before you catch pneumonia or something.” He quickly took Zack’s hand and began to walk, mumbling. “Your hands really are freezing.”

Zack laughed, squeezing Cloud’s hand. “Well, I’ve got your scarf and you to keep me warm, so I should be okay.”

Cloud hid his face from view, mumbling. “You’re such a dork.”

***

A week later, Zack was lying on his bed with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. Kunsel, who was sitting at his desk and attempting to work on his physics homework, kept glancing over at him before he finally let out a loud sigh and turned around to face him.

“All right, spill it.”

Zack blinked as he was snapped out of his train of thought and glanced over at him. “Huh?”  
Kunsel gave him a flat look. “Don’t you ‘huh’ me, Zack. You’ve been sighing and moping over there for an hour and it’s distracting me. So what’s up? And don’t say ‘You’re just imagining stuff’ because you better believe I can see through that.”

Zack opened his mouth, then immediately closed it before he said ‘You’re imagining it’. After a moment he gave in, letting out a frustrated sigh before he sat up. “Okay, okay. You caught me. Happy?”

Kunsel frowned a little, his expression beginning to grow concerned. “Well, not really, since you haven’t told me what’s going on. What’s up with you? You’ve looked down since a couple days ago too.”

“Well, it’s—” Zack started, pausing as he tried to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. “Okay, it’s just…have you noticed anything weird about Cloud lately? Or has he told you anything?”

Kunsel stared at Zack like he had just grown a third head. “Are you seriously asking **me** that? You’re the one that he opens up to, not me. I mean, I can tell he likes me all right but he still clams up after a few minutes of—”

“Okay, okay, I get the picture.” Zack said with a wave. “I just thought it was worth a shot.”

“Why? Is he acting weird around you?”

Zack frowned, glancing to the side. “Well, I’m pretty sure…I’m pretty sure something’s really been bothering him for the past few days. I noticed it after he came to my game, actually. He kept looking like he wanted to ask me something but then stopped…” Zack frowned thoughtfully, remembering the look in Cloud’s eyes. It reminded him of when Cloud told him that he had liked Zack for years. 

Zack really, really didn’t want to see that look in his eyes again.

“Since the game?” Kunsel asked thoughtfully, leaning back against the chair as he watched Zack.

“Yeah. And since then he’s been acting kind of…closed off, I guess? I keep asking him if he’s okay, but he says it’s nothing, so…” Zack ran his hand through his hair, obviously frustrated. “I mean I can’t **force** him to tell me what’s going on, but what if it’s something big like…like how he liked me for so long? I mean, shit, I don’t want him to be suffering in silence with this sort of thing anymore.”

“That game…isn’t that the one where the cheerleaders from the other team kept talking to you afterwards?” Kunsel asked.

Zack stared at Kunsel, eyes widening. “Wait, what? That happened?”

Kunsel placed a hand over his face, sighing loudly. “You seriously don’t even **remember**?”

“What? No, of course I don’t! I was talking to a bunch of people right after that game…How the hell am I— Was I really talking for them that long?”

“No, not really for a long time. But it was pretty obvious that they were flirting with you. Cloud was sitting ahead of me in the bleachers, but every time I looked over at him he was watching what you were doing.”

Zack shot up, looking and feeling completely panicked. “Oh my god, did he think I was— How could he think that, I mean we were just **talking** that’s just what I **do** I just…Holy shit, he must be pissed or something because I seriously wasn’t even thinking about it when I was talking to those girls, I mean…they were just talking to me and I was being friendly—” Zack whipped out his phone and began to frantically type out a text message. “I’ve gotta talk to him.”

**To: Cloud**

**Hey are you in your room? I need to talk to you.**

Kunsel shook his head. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it Zack, calm down…I’m mean I’m not sure if that’s even it.”

“That’s gotta be it, Kunsel, that’s seriously gotta be it. God, I’m such an idiot sometimes! I seriously need to learn when to keep my freaking mouth shut and—” Zack immediately stopped at the sound of his text message alarm. Nearly breaking his phone with the force that he flipped it open, Zack scanned for the new message.

**From: Cloud**

**I’m here**

“Yes!” Zack did a little fistpump then looked to Kunsel with a determined expression. “Okay, I’m gonna go talk to him and we’re gonna get the settled and everything’s going to be just fine.”

“Good luck!” Kunsel called after Zack’s retreating form as he quickly shut the door and briskly walked down the hallway.

 _Okay, I’ve just gotta think of how to start. I mean, I’ve definitely gotta explain that I was just being friendly and not trying to flirt or anything. I mean, It’s just how I am but of course it if makes him upset I’ll definitely have to stop doing it._ Zack nodded encouragingly to himself. _Right! Okay then. It’ll definitely be fine. Just apologize and hear him out and it’ll be fine._

Zack gave a quick knock on the door to Cloud’s room. “Hey, it’s me!” Without waiting for an answer Zack opened the door to see Cloud sitting on the bed. He had looked deep in thought, as he jumped slightly when Zack entered, though he quickly composed himself.

“Hey, Zack.”

Zack frowned lightly at the obvious tension in Cloud’s shoulders. _That’s how he looks when he’s trying to act cool when he’s actually really upset about something. Jeeze, I really messed up…_

Smiling and hoping to lighten up the mood, Zack took a seat next to Cloud on the bed, taking note of how Cloud seemed to tense up even more. “Hey, sorry to burst in on you like this, but I’ve got something I need to talk to you about.”

Zack noticed Cloud slump a bit, his eyes seemingly glued to the floor. “I-…I know.” His voice softened a bit and Zack had to lean forward a little to hear the rest of his sentence. “I know what you want to say, Zack.”

Zack stared at him, mouth hanging ajar in what he imagined was a pretty stupid-looking expression. “You…you do?”

_If he knows I want to apologize, why does he look so sad?_

“Yeah.” Zack could see Cloud clench his fists slightly. “I-…If you-…” Cloud shook his head a little, looking at Zack for a split second before turning his head away from him so that Zack couldn’t see his face, his sentences coming out more like jumbled half-thoughts. “I know with me....It can’t be the same, so if you…if you want to go back to dating girls then I-…I don’t want to be the person that stops you, so…if you want to…”

With that, Cloud seemed to completely lose his courage. He quickly flopped back down onto the bed and covered his head up with his pillow. It was a gesture that Zack recognized from when they were kids, when Cloud would become too completely embarrassed to say something.

Zack just sat there in stunned silence for a seconds. Finally, after Cloud’s few sentences organized themselves in his brain, he flopped down next to Cloud, hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Wait, just— Hold **on** a damn second Cloud, where the hell did that just come from?! Date girls? What? That’s not…That’s not even what I— I was just coming over here to apologize! Hey, Cloud…!” Cloud pulled the pillow tighter over his head, refusing to budge.

“Is this about what happened at the game?! Cloud, listen, I didn’t even remember I talked to those girls before Kunsel reminded me a few minutes ago!” Zack frowned, desperately wanting to see the other’s face so that he could know that he was getting through to him. “It didn’t mean anything, I was just being friendly and— damn, you know how I am with people sometimes! Anyway, I know it probably bothered you a lot, and I’m sorry. I swear I’ll work on not doing stuff like that, especially with girls. Really, from now on, I’m gonna be more careful about how I talk to people, Cloud, I—”

“It didn’t make me mad, Zack.” Cloud’s muffled voice came from underneath the pillow. “I know it’s just how you are.”

Well now Zack really had no idea what was going on. “Okay, then…what **has** been bothering you? And what was all that stuff about me dating girls?!”

Cloud quickly shook his head, pulling the pillow tighter around his head. 

Zack stared at him for a moment, contemplating. “Okay, if this is how you’re gonna play, then you know what I’m gonna have to do now, don’t you?” Before Cloud had a chance to escape, Zack grabbed him around the waist and quickly began to tickle him in his known weak spots: underneath his arms and on his stomach.

“Zack—!!” Cloud shrieked, his voice becoming unusually high as he at first tried, but then failed, to suppress his laughter. 

Zack grinned wickedly and moved to sit on Cloud’s legs, continuing to tickle him mercilessly. “Give up yet?!” 

Cloud finally let go of the pillow to try and push Zack off, but to no avail as Zack continued to indulge in how cute Cloud’s laughter was. “Ahaha- Zack! Haha…stop! Stop! Ahahaha— Okay! Okay…! I- haha- I give up!”

Zack immediately stopped, quickly moving to fully pull the already ajar pillow off of Cloud’s face and throw it to the ground. He then moved (a bit reluctantly) off of the top of Cloud and sat next to him instead, watching his face as he gasped for breath.

“Okay.” Zack said firmly. “Now what’s going on?”

He waited patiently as Cloud’s eyes moved to the side, avoiding looking at Zack directly in the face. That was fine, as long as he could see Cloud’s expressions and as long as Cloud was talking. 

“I-…” Cloud sighed, closing his eyes for a moment then opening them as he started again. “I was bothered about what happened at that game, but not for the reason you think. I wasn’t jealous…or anything like that, I mean.” 

Zack’s frown deepened. “Then…what was it?”

“I guess, it was just, I started wondering...if you would be happier if…” Cloud’s cheeks were beginning to darken but he managed to push out the rest of his sentence. “If I was a girl.”

Zack stared at Cloud, completely at a loss of what to say. This seemed to make Cloud even more hesitant about continuing, his voice becoming quieter as he started up again. “Whenever we kiss, you—…we always end up stopping before we do anything else. I started wondering: If Zack was with a girl, would they have done more by now? And…that is it, isn’t it?” Cloud finally looked back up at Zack and Zack’s heart sunk at the sadness in his eyes.

_It’s just like that time._

“If I was a girl, you’d want to…do more, wouldn’t you? But I’m a guy so…I don’t want to feel like you have to be trapped in a relationship with me, just because we—”

“Stop right there.” Zack said so suddenly that Cloud jumped a little, eyes widening slightly. “I want you to stop right there, Cloud. Don’t say another word.” Before Cloud could reply, Zack pulled Cloud up into a sitting position and then into a tight hug. Zack could feel himself trembling, though some of that might have been Cloud too.

_I thought how I felt had completely gotten through to him but I guess I didn’t really make it clear, did I? So it’s my fault that he’s worried about stuff that he really shouldn’t be again…I’m sorry, Cloud._

“Za—”

“Now you listen to me. Really **listen** to what I have to say to you, Cloud. I don’t want to hear anything else about me dating girls or being trapped in something. Because I— Jeeze, Cloud, did you think I just started liking you all of a sudden?” Zack looked down at the blonde in his arms, meeting Cloud’s gaze. “How long do you think I’ve loved you, Cloud?”

“I—…” Cloud looked down, disheartened. “I was thinking…a few months, maybe.”

“Jeeze…” Zack ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief. “Cloud, if I had known you thought that then…shit.” He let out a sigh then smiled gently at the still confused-looking blonde. “Well I guess it’s better late than never.” Zack put his hands on Cloud’s shoulders, pushing him away slightly so that he could get a good look at the other’s face. “Cloud, do you remember when we were kids and I started climbing that huge tree I wanted to make a treehouse in, even though you told me not to?”

Cloud’s eyebrows drew together as he struggled to remember. “Yeah, I think so. But what does that have to do with anything?”

Zack continued on without answering. “And then I got way too high up and that branch broke underneath me? Heh, I seriously thought that was gonna be it for me…but then you started climbing up?” Zack moved one of his hands to Cloud’s cheek, resting it there as he threaded his fingers through Cloud’s bangs. “You grabbed my hand just in time and saved me.”

Cloud’s eyes widened slightly at that before his gaze shifted to the side. “Yeah, and I was so scared I ended up crying when we got back down…not exactly the most heroic moment.”

Zack shook his head, unable to stop himself from smiling. Cloud still just didn’t get it. “That’s not the important part. You saved me, even though you were more scared than anything. That’s real bravery, Cloud…” Zack paused, looking up thoughtfully. “When I saw your face after we got back on the ground, that’s when I thought: ‘I definitely want to stay by this guy’s side forever’” Zack looked back down at Cloud, who was staring up at him with wide eyes. “Maybe I didn’t know it was **love** back then, but that thought stuck with me through everything. It’s why I asked what you wanted to do, where you wanted to go. I didn’t want to be separated from you.”

Cloud looked like he wanted to say something but Zack continued on, knowing that he needed Cloud to hear everything. “And then…do you remember in 8th grade, when I got accused of cheating? It felt like I had to face it alone, that no one was really on my side.” Zack’s voice softened. “But then you stood up for me. Even though you knew you were gonna get attacked, you still wanted to protect me.” Zack leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Cloud again and pulling him close. “When you told me that you could tell I wasn’t okay, that knew I wouldn’t do something like cheat on a test, that’s when I thought: ‘I really love him.’” 

Zack could feel Cloud begin to tremble in his arms and tightened his hold. “I didn’t know if you felt the same way, but I knew that I wanted to tell you. Then I kept thinking: ‘What if he **doesn’t** feel the same way?’ I was worried that you would feel pressured into liking me back, that you would think I would leave you if you didn’t feel the same.”

Cloud took a shuddery breath. “But I wouldn’t—”

“I know that now” Zack gently interrupted. “I know that now, Cloud…But then we got into that fight about you quitting the soccer team and I was worried about rocking the boat anymore and accidentally pushing you away. I didn’t…I didn’t want that.”

“That was because—!” Cloud buried his face against Zack’s chest, gripping the back of his shirt tightly. “When I saw you in the locker room, my body, I-…I thought if you knew how I reacted, you’d be **disgusted** and I couldn’t….I couldn’t handle that…”

“Yeah, I figured it was something like that.” He mumbled softly, putting one hand on the back of Cloud’s head. “But I think you’ve figured it out by now, haven’t you? Being disgusted is definitely the furthest thing from **my** mind.” Zack kissed the top of Cloud’s head. “I’ve loved you for a long, long time. And I…” Zack began to blush but continued on anyway. “I…I definitely wanna do other stuff with you, Cloud. I’ve thought about it for a long time, actually.” 

Cloud looked up at him, mouth ajar. “You…have?”

“Y-yeah.” Zack glanced to the side, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

_Jeeze, now I’m the one getting all embarrassed._

“I wanna t-touch you more and…I definitely looked up stuff about having sex and all that and…I…” Zack didn’t exactly want to mention how he almost got caught in class looking up some “information” on his phone.

“Well shit, don’t take that like I’m saying we **have** to but I mean I really want to only if you want to, so I—” Zack was silenced as Cloud leaned up and pressed a soft kiss on his lips, pulling back after a few seconds and wrapping his arms around Zack’s neck.

Zack’s eyes widened slightly at the look on Cloud’s face. He was smiling lightly but there was a desire behind his eyes that made Zack’s heart begin to pound. 

In that moment, he was starting to think of words to describe Cloud other than “cute”.

“I want to. I definitely want to, Zack…” Cloud kissed him again, but it was more insistent this time. “Not right this second, but…I still—” Cloud’s eyes drifted up to meet Zack’s as he adjusted himself so that he was practically sitting in the older teen’s lap. Zack nearly flailed awkwardly but managed to keep his cool and place his hands on Cloud’s hips.

“…I want to…” Cloud started but seemed unable to complete the sentence out of embarrassment. Despite the blush covering his face, he shifted his hips slightly and began to softly kiss along Zack’s jaw, then down his neck.

 _Oh fuck._ Zack gasped, tightening his grip on Cloud’s hips and tilting his head backwards. _That feels really good…_

Eventually, Cloud went from light kisses to more open mouth ones and began to nibble on Zack’s neck as well. Unable to keep himself sitting up, Zack groaned softly as Cloud gently pushed him downwards. Zack shifted his head to the side once his head hit the pillow, giving Cloud more access as he kissed up towards his jawline and towards his ear.

In all of the fantasies Zack had about them doing this, he definitely hadn’t imagined that Cloud had this sort of side to him. 

_Damn, this is bad, I’m already getting really worked up._ Cloud pressed his hips downwards and Zack arched up, moaning helplessly.

“C-Clo-…Ah-!” Zack gasped as Cloud licked around the shell of his ear and gently bit on the lobe. Cloud stiffened at that and immediately looked up at Zack with worried eyes.

“I-…Is that too much? Do you want to stop?”

Zack couldn’t stop a small laugh from escaping, even as Cloud’s brows drew together in confusion. That was definitely the opposite of where his mind was going.

“No, I don’t.” Zack smiled affectionately as he brought a hand up to rest on the back of Cloud’s head. “I definitely don’t wanna stop, Cloud. You just kinda surprised me there, but…” He gave Cloud a bit of a lopsided grin, still catching his breath a bit. “I like it.”

Cloud looked hesitant for a few seconds but then began to smile slightly. “Yeah?”

Zack kissed him on the nose. “Yeah.” Cloud’s smile grew even more before he leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips. ¬Zack couldn’t help but stare into Cloud’s eyes as the other got closer to place several more kisses along his lips, the corners of his mouth and his cheeks. 

Basking in the affection, Zack threaded his fingers through the strands of Cloud’s hair. He loved how soft it was, how easily it would slide between his fingertips only to spike back up again. Zack half-expected Cloud to glare at him in annoyance, like he usually would when he played with his hair, but instead he closed his eyes and sighed contentedly before going to nuzzle at Zack’s neck again.

“You like that?” Zack ran his fingers through Cloud’s hair again, who responded by nuzzling at his neck more. 

“Mn…” Cloud mumbled. “I…really like when you touch my hair.”

Well this was news. “Really?” Zack tried to move his head so that he could see Cloud’s face clearly but was only really able to see his neck and cheeks. Even with that limited view, though, he could see how red the other was getting. “You always look annoyed when I ruffle it.”

“Well, sometimes it’s annoying but…I like it.” Cloud had his face completely buried in Zack’s neck now and Zack could tell by the tone of his voice how embarrassed he was getting.

Zack smiled to himself. Even if Cloud was a bit more sexually aggressive than he would have expected, he still got embarrassed over little things like that.

_He is so cute._

But as much as he was enjoying this he didn’t just want to sit back and let him do everything. He wanted to touch Cloud too. He wanted to make Cloud feel good too.

Reluctantly, he took his hand out of Cloud’s hair then slowly ran them down Cloud’s sides and rested them on his hips. He felt Cloud stiffen on top of him for a moment and he paused. Was it anticipation? Or was he beginning to get nervous?

_He’ll tell me if he doesn’t like something, right? Maybe I should ask? Or is he gonna start to get annoyed?_

Deciding to just get on with it and see what Cloud’s reactions would be, he began to slide his hands underneath Cloud’s shirt, running his fingers up and down his back muscles. Cloud’s breath quickened slightly and, before Zack could ask if this was okay, he quickly leaned his head over to begin to kiss Zack deeply.

Zack’s eyes widened slightly before closing them, opening his mouth and letting Cloud’s eager tongue enter as he began to push his shirt upwards to allow for better access to his skin.

Cloud’s skin was so soft and warm and Zack wanted to be even closer. He really wanted to feel Cloud’s skin against his as soon as possible.

Zack leaned his face back to take a breath, still close enough that their lips were brushing against each other. “Cloud…” He murmured, staring into the other teen’s face. Cloud’s eyes were half lidded and clouded over with lust, his lips beginning to turn red from all of the kissing.

Zack couldn’t hold back anymore.

In a flash he rolled over, moving so that he was hovering over Cloud instead. Cloud gasped slightly at that but then eagerly wrapped his arms around Zack’s neck and pulled him closer. Zack chuckled lightly. “You’re gonna have to let go for a second.” He said, tugging at Cloud’s shirt for emphasis.

Reluctantly, Cloud unwrapped his arms, only to begin to pull at Zack’s own shirt instead. Zack quickly pulled Cloud’s off then lifted his arms to help out the other. Cloud wasted no time in wrapping his arms back around Zack’s neck and pulling him close, almost desperately, and began to kiss him again. 

Zack could feel Cloud’s skin against his own now and the sensation made him shiver with need. It seemed that Cloud felt the same way, since in this position he could feel Cloud’s erection pressed against his leg. Wanting to give Cloud a little taste of his own medicine, Zack shifted so that their hips were lined up and ground down.

He definitely wasn’t prepared for the wonderful, unrestrained sound that came out of Cloud’s mouth, a mix between a moan and a gasp, as he arched up.

“Za…Zack...Oh, please…”

It didn’t take much more than that to drive Zack half crazy.

He began to kiss Cloud again, gently biting at his bottom lip before slipping in his tongue. Without hesitation he began to unbutton his pants, pulling them and kicking them off faster than he could remember doing before. His hands immediately went to the hem of Cloud’s pants afterwards but now he was hesitating.

Were they going too fast? Was Cloud okay with this?

Shyly, he glanced up to look into Cloud’s eyes. He had to know. He had to make sure. “Cloud, is this…okay?”

Zack’s eyes widened slightly at the expression on the other teen’s face. He was…smiling. Cloud was really smiling at him. Not the usual half-smiles or small smiles that he would normally give, but a real, genuine smile so full of affection that Zack felt like his heart was about to burst.

“It’s okay.” Cloud replied softly, his voice beginning to sound a bit hoarse. He reached up to place his hands on either side of Zack’s face. “It’s more than okay, Zack…”

Zack swallowed, giving a short nod before he began to unbutton the other’s pants (which was starting to get difficult with how his hands were shaking) and pull them down. Cloud helped by eagerly kicking them off and Zack took a few long seconds to take in the sight.

Cloud was definitely a bit smaller than him and a bit paler as well. But all of that fencing practice seemed to have done him good, with all of those lean muscles along his arms, legs and stomach. He just looked…beautiful.

But didn’t he already know that? He and Cloud grew up together so they had seen each other naked several times. But this was different. He had never seen Cloud like this, with that shy but desperate look on his face and his breaths coming in increasingly heavier gasps. And he had never seen Cloud with an erection, obvious now that he was stripped down to his boxers. Well, his was probably just as obvious now anyway.

It seemed Cloud was having a similar thought as he leaned up for another kiss, running his hand along Zack’s stomach as he did. “Zack…” He whispered in between kisses. Zack could feel Cloud’s itching to go further down and shivered in anticipation.

_Damn, I’m really not gonna last long once we get going._

Not wanting to get lost in his own pleasure and leave Cloud out he reached down past the elastic of Cloud’s boxers, slipping his hand in to grab the other. Cloud gasped loudly, wrapping his other arm around Zack’s neck, clinging. Zack placed a soft kiss on the other’s cheek as he began to squeeze Cloud’s cock, already beginning to become wet with pre-come. Cloud’s hips jerked slightly and he let out a moan, more restrained this time as he tried to hold in his voice. 

Zack smiled a bit devilishly. He definitely wanted to hear even more of Cloud’s sounds, hear his voice as he tried to hold it back. Zack ran his thumb along the tip, causing Cloud to shudder, then slowly, tentatively began to jerk him off. It felt a little bit awkward at first, doing this in a sort of reverse grip, but Cloud seemed to enjoying himself.

Cloud began to pant, his voice coming out in half-bitten moans and gasps. “N-Not just…me…” He grunted, obviously struggling to talk against the waves of pleasure. Cloud’s hand was suddenly pressed against Zack’s erection and the look in the other’s eyes was heated and needy as he stared up at him. “I want…to feel you too…”

How could Zack possibly resist that face? Not that he would want to, anyway.

Shuddering at the feeling of Cloud’s hands against him, Zack let go of the other for a moment just so he could pull his erection out and wrap his hands around them both. The both of them moaned in unison and Zack thought that he was going to come right there with how good Cloud’s silky skin felt against his. 

“Fuck…” He gasped, barely recognizing the lowness of his own voice. “Cloud—…I’m not gonna last long like this…” Realizing he had better get on with it quickly, he began to jerk the both of them off in earnest, pushing his hips along with the rhythm. 

Cloud’s breath was coming in shuddery waves as he quickly wrapped his arms around Zack’s neck and pulling him as close as possible. Zack could feel Cloud squirming around on the bed, his hips pushing up against Zack’s as they established an increasingly frenzied rhythm. Cloud’s breath was tickling his ear and it seemed as if he was having trouble keeping himself quiet, with his moans and gasps becoming louder with each thurst. 

“Zack…Zack, I’m—” Cloud’s grip tightened around him. “I can’t…I’m gonna—”

“Me too…” Zack glanced over at Cloud, realizing that he couldn’t see his expressions properly. “Cloud” He started, tightening his grip on the both of them. “Let me see your face…”

Cloud shook his head quickly, his body stiffening slightly. Zack frowned lightly then leaned his face over so that his lips were almost brushing against the other’s ear. “Please, Cloud…”

He felt Cloud shudder against him and, after a few seconds, he tilted his head slightly as Zack drew his face back. His lips were still red and swollen and his eyes were hazy as if he was in a trance. Briefly, Zack wondered if he had a similar expression on his face, since he saw Cloud’s eyes widen slightly in surprise then a shy smile appeared on his face. It lasted a few seconds before his eyebrows drew together and he was arching against him with a half-gasp that quickly turned into a moan.

That was enough to make Zack lose it at the same time and by the time he came down from the heights of his pleasure, his hand was wet and sticky. Maybe it was kind of gross but Zack couldn’t feel anything but relieved and happy.

Just as he went to let go of the two of them and quickly wipe his hand on his now-discarded pants, Cloud pulled him down on top of him and nuzzled his face in his neck.

“Cloud—” Zack laughed a little, though his voice was hoarse. “Hey, I don’t wanna squish you.”

“I don’t care.” Cloud replied, his voice muffled and lethargic-sounding as he tightened his grip around him. “Zack, you know, I…” He trailed off, biting his lip slightly.

“Yeah?” Zack shifted so that he was lying on his side and facing Cloud instead, holding him close as he peered down onto his face with a smile. 

“I-…” Zack could see Cloud gathering up his courage as he spoke, eventually just burying his face underneath Zack’s chin, his voice quiet and muffled. “I l-love you…”

Zack’s eyes widened in shock and for one of the few times in his life he was rendered completely speechless.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to say it before.” Cloud continued, his grip around Zack tightening. “I-I just…I just wanted you to know.”

“Oh, Cloud…” Zack pulled back a little so that he could look in Cloud’s eyes. He was pretty sure that if he was smiling any harder his face would burst wide open. “Cloud, even without you telling me I can tell. But…” He kissed Cloud’s forehead, then his cheek, then his lips. “It makes me really really happy to hear it too.” He grinned as a smile began to tug at the corner of Cloud’s lips.

“Thank you for being you, Cloud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so, so, so much for your kind words on tumblr and in the comments section. After over a year this fic is finally finished and I'm definitely having some mixed emotions about it. But this also means I can write a new fic, right? :) Please look forward to a Clack fanfiction based on the Robot!Cloud AU created by tinyjing on tumblr. I've got some fun ideas for it so I hope you all will enjoy ^_^
> 
> And who knows? Maybe I'll write a quick first-time one shot for my dear OTP in this AU I created.


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